Thanks once again to CRUEFAN for his continuing work in putting out another top-rate Aftershow!
Heartland Championship Wrestling
King of the Indies: Chikara!
March 11, 2017 (Card #772)
Worthen Arena, Muncie, Indiana
The show opens with the tune, "Awake and Alive" by Skillet playing overhead. DAYTONDAVE & WARLORD hit the ring to the applause of the crowd.Daytondave: Hey, fans! Welcome to CHIKARA Saturday Night! After the outstanding pay-per-view broadcast of
Heartland Havoc LXXX: Point of No Return, we have a lot of unanswered questions, and a lot of great action in store for you here tonight.
Warlord: Plus- a huge surprise!
Daytondave: A surprise? What would that be?
Warlord: It's something that nobody expects. But we'll get to that later.
Daytondave facepalms.Daytondave: Walked right in to that one. Fans- last weekend we saw the crowning of new CHIKARA Trios Champions,
THE BATIRI. So tonight, we will kick things off with a trios match between two teams who would love to get a crack at that coveted trophy. It's going to be a rockin' night tonight, fans- so relax, grab yourself a cold one, and enjoy the show!
CHIKARA TRIOS
THE THROWBACKS (MR. TOUCHDOWN, DASHER HATFIELD, & SUGAR DUNKERTON) defeated THE BDK (ARES*, TURSAS, & CLAUDIO CASTAGNOLI)A stunner in the opening bout! Timing their attack perfectly, Dasher and Sugar D caught their unsuspecting foes off-guard, teaming up on Ares to drop him with the Grandslam Dunk to score a flash pin!
Warlord: Throwbacks win! Throwbacks win! Throwbacks win!
Daytondave: Who knew Warlord could do Harry Carey? But that was definitely a shocker for the Throwbacks, and Dasher was the MVP of that match without a doubt.
CHIKARA CONTRACT MATCH
GREG EXCELLENT* pinned "MR. M80" MARSHE ROCKET***In a battle of contrasting styles, Excellent and Rocket battled hard for the right to a contract. Marshe went for broke, but crashed and burned on a suicide dive attempt, setting up Greg for the Tiger Driver to win it.
Daytondave: Greg Excellent! Welcome to CHIKARA! The big guy took advantage of the opportunity and he comes away with the win. Unfortunately for Marche, his gamble didn't pay off- but that just goes to show the lengths that a competitor will go to in order to earn the right to battle for the
CHIKARA Grand Championship!Warlord: Excellent! I like this guy! Anybody who hails from Roscoe's Chicken 'n Waffles is a friend in my book. In fact, this seems like as good a time as any to bring out my special guest for this week. Another old friend, and perhaps the greatest ribber the wrestling business has ever seen!
As Excellent is still in the ring, a commotion is heard and the fans erupt with the arrival of KING KONG BUNDY! Bundy charges the ring and grabs Excellent in a massive bear hug! Excellent smiles from ear to ear and gives Bundy a noogie. Bundy drops Excellent onto his keister in the ring, and Excellent barely rolls away as Bundy threatens to drop the avalanche. Bundy is wearing a neon green Boa as he playfully shadow-boxes with Excellent.Daytondave: Hey! That ring attire looks familiar. Doesn't that belong to
LARRY SWEENEY?Warlord: Not any more!
Daytondave: Larry is not going to be happy about that. As much fun as we could have with King Kong Bundy and Greg Excellent, we do have a show to continue. So, let's head back to the ring for the Heartland debut of a couple of Ohio kids looking to make their mark in the wrestling business!
GREEN ANT & FIRE ANT defeated SCARLET & GRAVES (ZACHARY WENTZ*** & DESMOND XAVIER)It was all about the Fire Ant in this match. The speed of Fire Ant enabled him to take over on both opponents from the outset and disptach Wentz with a pair of Beach Breaks.
Daytondave: The veterans really took it to the rookies in that match.
Warlord: Fire Ant is a master of the game of human chess!
Daytondave: That's one point for the Colony in the quest to earn a title shot. Now- a couple of our top 8 singles competitors will square off!
ULTRAMANTIS BLACK** pinned JOCK SAMSON*Jock dealt out some punishment in the opening sequences, dropping Ultramantis with a bulldog and a power slam, but the masked man absorbed the blows and battled back. After reversing Jock's attempt at a DDT, Ultramantis dropped Samson with a Double Knee Backbreaker and cradled him for the pin.
Daytondave: The mysterious Ultramantis is now one step away from a title shot against his former ally Delirious!
Warlord: It's going to be a dramatic confrontation in Parts Unknown if those two ever meet.
Daytondave: Ultramantis is not from Parts Unknown. He's from the Black Tea Garden.
Warlord: Where's that?
Daytondave: I don't know.
Warlord: Told ya.
Daytondave: Can't argue with that logic. All right, fans- it's time now to hear from
LARRY SWEENEY and this week's episode of Sweet Talk!
Warlord: This I gotta hear.
The scene shifts to the set of Sweet Talk, where KIMBER LEE proudly holds the Heartland Ladies' Championship belt overhead. LARRY SWEENEY is in a state of agitation, pacing back and forth on the set.Kimber: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the new era of independent wrestling journalism. On behalf of Sweet 'N Kimber, Incorporated, I am proud to present the tonight's edition of
"Sweet Talk" with Larry Sweeney!Sweeney: Yeah, baby! It's time for Sweet Talk, and what can I say.
Heartland Havoc LXXX: Point of No Return was awesome and Kimber is still the Heartland Ladies' Champion.
3.OLE are a bunch of losers, and congratulations to
THE BATIRI for becoming the
CHIKARA Trios Champions. But don't worry, freakshow boys- as soon as
ADAM PEARCE is back, that trophy is coming home to Sweet 'N Kimber, Incorporated.
(
Boos)
Sweeney: I guess the truth hurts. Now let's talk about the Indy Nation.
MOOSE is still the
King Of The Indies. Can't anybody take this guy out? Dude went 3-0 last month and there ain't a challenger in sight. Somebody needs to step up and give that big man some competition!
(
Cheers)
Sweeney: In the tag team scene,
THE BRISCOE BROTHERS are the top dogs. The new team of
CHRIS SABIN & KENNY OMEGA is getting better and better, but they still trail in the ratings behind
DA HIT SQUAD. Dem Boys and Da Hit Squad would tear the house down! My man Keith Simmons needs to get that match on the books.
(
Cheers)
Sweeney: SARAYA KNIGHT continues to roll through the
Women of Honor. She is now the overall #1 lady in the Indy Nation! But you better watch out, Saraya, because our own
KIMBER LEE is #2 and shooting for the stars!
(
Boos)
Sweeney: And that wraps up the scoop from Indy Nation. Now I wanna talk about a little problem that has been on my mind. That big idiot,
KING KONG BUNDY, is parading around here wearing MY green boa! Big Boy- why don't you come out here and return that stolen property before I call the authorities!
The fans erupt in cheers as Bundy strides to the stage. Bundy grins as he twirls Sweeney's green boa around his neck.Bundy: You don't have to ask me twice, Sweeney. You think I am worried about a couple of Muncie mall cops? You want your boa- do something about it!
Sweeney: You're darn right I want my boa! Where's
PINKIE SANCHEZ? Pinkie- come talk to Mr. Bundy and get me back my boa!
A long pause follows. Sweeney looks around, but Sanchez does not come out. Bundy laughs loudly and continues to prance around with the boa. Kimber whispers to Sweeney. Sweeney: Oh- right. Sanchez has a match tonight.
Bundy: What's wrong, Sweeney? Can't count on your friends? I am glad that I can count on mine!
Bundy smiles from ear to ear as CRUEFAN and JESSIE MCKAY arrive on the set. Sweeney (
laughing): You call those friends? All I see is a jabroni broad and her obsessed stalker loser.
Bundy ignores the taunts of Sweeney. Bundy and Cruefan take the ends of the boa and spin it around like a jump rope. Jessie hops in and begins skipping over the boa in rhythm.Sweeney: Hey! Show some respect! That's a prized possession I got from
JESSE VENTURA!Bundy: You want this back? Why don't we swap- you can have the boa, if you give Jessie a shot at the
Heartland Ladies' Championship?Sweeney laughs.Sweeney: No way! That skinny Aussie slimeball isn't worthy of a title shot.
Bundy: Have it your way.
Bundy leaves the set with Cruefan, Jesse, and the boa. Sweeney sneers in disgust as the scene returns to ringside. Daytondave: Now that's a dilemma. The green boa or the Heartland Ladies' Title?
Warlord: That's not just any boa. That's a Jesse Ventura Original!
Daytondave: Decisions, decisions. The bad news for Sweeney is that Kimber Lee is due to defend that title this Wednesday night. Since she refused the challenge from Jessie, and
MERCEDES MARTINEZ is on the shelf, we'll have a Number One Contenders' Match later tonight. But now- it's time for tonight's contest for the
2017 Independent Tag Team League!2017 INDEPENDENT TAG TEAM LEAGUE
HALLOWICKED & FRIGHTMARE (2-0) vs. THE BRAVADO BROTHERS (1-0)The Bravados worked their double-team magic early and often tonight, despite some impressive flurries from Hallowicked. With help from Frightmare, Hallowicked nearly scored the pin on Harlem after a wild four-way brawl in the ring. Hallowicked went to the top rope, but Lancelot intercepted Hallowicked on the top turnbuckle, and after an intense struggle on the buckle, it was Harlem who prevailed and send Hallowicked crashing to the mat with a Superplex! Lancelot hit the ring quickly and dumped Hallowicked with a Deadlift German Suplex for the pin.
WINNERS: THE BRAVADO BROTHERSDaytondave: That was some outstanding tag team action!
Warlord: After all the flipping and flopping, Daytondave, the name on the marquee is Wrestling.
Daytondave: And tonight, the Bravado Brothers get the win to go to 2-0 for 2017. My friends, even though there is snow on the ground, spring is coming soon- and that means
Dawn of Destiny 2017 is just around the corner! And the annual tradition at Dawn of Destiny is the
Money In The Bank Ladder Match! NIGEL MCGUINNESS has won that match two years in a row, and he will be back in the Heartland this year to try for the three-peat. The second competitor will be decided in tonight's next contest- and these guys don't like each other very much.
MONEY IN THE BANK QUALIFYING MATCH
EL GENERICO**** pinned PINKIE SANCHEZ****Despite the animosity between these men, tonight was a good old-fashioned slobber knocker! With the high stakes in play, both men took plenty of chances, and Generico paid the price when he missed a wild suicide dive attempt and crashed to the concrete! Sanchez tried to take advantage, springboarding from the apron to the floor with a corkscrew plancha which wiped out both men! The referee started the 10-count, and Generico was the first man back under the bottom rope. Sanchez managed to beat the count, but Generico put Sanchez on the top buckle and delivered a crushing Brainbustaaahhh!!! to gain the hard-fought win.
Daytondave: Wow! That was an incredible battle! El Generico has survived, and he is entry number two in the Money in the Bank Ladder Match! What a spectacular aerial battle we just witnessed!
Warlord: That looked like me in my younger days.
Daytondave: I bet you and Bundy had countless aerial battles just like that one.
Warlord: Aerial battles? Does a farting contest count?
Daytondave: Eeewww... too much information. Let's check out tonight's Main Event- the Number One Contenders' Match for the Heartland Ladies' Championship!
MAIN EVENT: HEARTLAND LADIES' CHAMPIONSHIP- #1 CONTENDERS' MATCH
MALIA HOSAKA (w/JIMMY HART) pinned NEVAEH*Two highly talented ladies went to battle with a title match on the line, and both gave it all they had. Nevaeh scored effectively with a couple of snap suplexes, but Malia countered with her educated feet and punished Nevaeh with a variety of kicks. With Jimmy Hart cheering on his charge, Malia wore down Nevaeh and delivered a brutal Reverse Spin Kick to gain the victory.
Daytondave: That was a great showing by both ladies. Congratulations to Malia for earning the title shot.
Warlord: Jimmy Hart is back in the title picture! This whole situation just got a lot more interesting.
Daytondave: Without a doubt. The Wednesday night's title match will be something to see. All right, fans- we're done here. Thanks for checking us out tonight! CHIKARA will be back in action on Wednesday with a midweek special that you won't want to miss. That's our show, and I AM OUTTA HERE!