Okay,
First off I think one plus I had in reading this is that I know some of the characters from the wrestling game. I think that made this read more enjoyable. However, I think this might be a little harder for others not familiar with the wrestling game to jump on.
I think part of that problem might be how short this was. Unlike Osk's I don't really feel this one had quite the beginning, middle, or end. Really it felt like a lot of rising action, and while it left you hanging like it should for being part one of three, it didn't leave me satisfied with this part as a whole.
I liked internal dialogue from Star Warrior but I was thrown off at a few points. The one that really stands out to me is the part where SW is describing SuperNova, and then says, "Oh and she's hot!" To me that seemed a little forced and took me out of the story.
I think characterization of Star Warrior was good though. I do feel that Wolf was brushed over some. I think there should have maybe been a little more done there or that it should have been saved for the next installment. Reason I say that is I'm trying to look at this from the perspective that I'm a reader that doesn't know any of the characters. Once again I think size of the installment might have affected this.
I liked changing the year to further in the furture than the wrestling game. Makes it more, 'believable' and futuristic.
Formatting I did have an issue with. It was formatted much like the booklets are for the GWF. While I think it works well for those, I don't think it works for books. I think it can come off looking unprofessional (not sure if thats the exact word I'm looking for). Book or novella, and I expect standard paragraphs and such. I think it looks better and can add to characterization which goes with another formatting issue.
Standard paragraphs aside for a moment. There was an issue with dialogue. Example:
(EX #1)
He has a beard which he rubs before he pauses to answer Omega’s question.
“As ready as we can be.”
“As ready as we’ve got to be.” says Commander Sam.
“I don’t like the sound of this.”
versus....
(Ex #2)
Omega: “There are risks.”
Thantos: “What kind of risks?”
Omega: “Project: Champions is still in an experimental stage. Things could go wrong; you could be killed…or
worse.”
Okay so these are two examples of dialogue from the book. This is an inconsistency that I would fix for the next installments. This is two different ways of writing dialogue in one book. I personally think that while it works for the GWF booklets I would stick with Example one and rework it into the standard paragraphs. I think descriptions can be missed in doing it the second way. A sentence may end with a '?' but was it ask inquisitively, or was it mockingly asked? '!' Was it exclaimed or exhaustedly gasped? Stuff like that isn't always needed but sometimes it can add something where the Second example can't.
However if you wanted to stick with Ex 2 I would change it all that way. I think many people who would look at it might be thrown off by two different styles within one book.
I hate to sound like I'm raggin on it but I feel these type of things can take away from the DMP project. I don't think many of us who are already into the GWF will have much issue with it but I was 'bothered' by some of it. I'd be more worried that new people seeing these things might be turned off by it, or think it inferior.
As far as the game goes, its not bad and and its interesting doing scenarios, but I feel it has a way to go. It comes off simple in comparison with the wrestling version with having only one battle chart. I am curious to see if there are any rule changes and such in the next installment and what they might be.
Curious to see where the next installment takes us. December should be a good reading month!
