PWIS-PA
Kountry Kitchen Buffet
Hazleton, PA
August 31, 2014
INTRO
Last time on PWIS - PA: Dr. Cube’s Forces had taken control. They bullied Louden Noxious, intimidated the fans, shut down the concession stand, and caused an atmosphere of oppression. Cube wanted to destroy Amish Roadkill because of his beliefs and sent his monster Colossus after him. Roadkill stood tall, using a horseshoe as a weapon. Cube’s other monster, Behemoth, laid waste to Blue Meanie who has since left PA. Mike Quackenbush and his Lightning Army fought back, making a statement that the war was not yet over by dropping Cube on his head. In the interim, Juan Francisco de Coronado negotiated a PWIS title shot through Dr. Cube.
(Louden Noxious & Leonard F. Chikarason are calling the action)
Dr. Cube comes out accompanied by Kobald, the thralled Colony, and a retinue of his blue-smocked assistants. As his goons spread out through the building, cultivating fear, Cube and the others get into the ring and chase off Louden. The Dr.’s cube is dented and wrapped with some bandages. “I have tried to be a benevolent leader but Mike Quackenbush and his insurgents leave me no choice! Their systematic elimination begins tonight! Amasis, come out here at once!”
The Funky Pharaoh comes out, warily eyeing Cube’s men.
“The Osirian Portal are an effrontery to science and the natural world. Ophidian and his serpent mysticism are nothing without you, Amasis. You are the head of the snake. And I know just the person to twist that head off!”
A pair of Cube’s minions escort Bryan Danielson to the ring. Bryan wears a quizzical expression on his face as Cube directs him to combat Amasis.
MATCH #1
Bryan Danielson vs. Amasis
LEONARD: “Dr. Cube is looking for Danielson to do his dirty work for him.”
Danielson starts strong, exerting his will on his opponent. Amasis tries getting some offense in but Danielson dropkicks him as he jumps from the top turnbuckle. Bryan applies the Guillotine Choke but Amasis makes it to the ropes. He also has to struggle to escape a LeBell Lock. Another Guillotine Choke forces Amasis to tap out.
Winner: Bryan Danielson
Danielson leaves the ring area and Cube’s men start to move in but Ophidian races out to rescue his partner. Cube orders Kobald into the ring to deal with the interloper.
MATCH #2
Kobald vs. Ophidian
Kobald attacks, knocking Ophidian to the mat with rapid fire palm strikes then lands on him with a Goblin Glider. He goes to the top rope and nails Ophidian with the Demon’s Toilet for a two count. A corner rana sets up another near fall. Kobald soon sticks another Demon’s Toilet for the pinfall.
Winner: Kobald
The Colony climb into the ring and restrain Ophidian as Dr. Cube summons Behemoth to the ring. The crowd gasps in awe at the sight of the cyber-monster. Before Cube’s men can destroy the Snake Spirit, Mike Quackenbush, UltraMantis Black, and Crossbones come out for the save.
LEONARD: “The Lightning Army are not going to allow one of their own to be taken out!”
MATCH #3
The Lightning Army vs. Dr. Cube's Forces
Fire Ant starts out against Crossbones and uses his speed to work towards a pin attempt after Burning Down the House. Soldier Ant tags in and hits three solid dives through the ropes, leveling Crossbones. Behemoth is in and Crossbones barely rolls out of the way of a middle rope splash. Ultramantis and Quackenbush each take runs at Behemoth but the monster’s strength is unmatched. Quack gets planted with a sitout reverse piledriver and pinned by Behemoth. His teammates pull Mike out of the ring before further damage could be done. Dr. Cube’s Forces maintain dominance in PA.
Winners: Dr. Cube's Forces
Intermission: Dr. Cube’s minions, in their blue scrubs and bizarre masks, harass the fans and block them from approaching the merch tables. Rather than risking injury to the fans by fighting them off, the wrestlers pack up their gimmicks and take their losses.
MATCH #4
Rob Van Dam vs. Green Ant
LEONARD: “Green Ant is about to be in the biggest match of his career.”
Ant and RVD shake hands and begin. Van Dam tries an early kick but his foot is caught by Green Ant who quickly locks his opponent up in the Chikara Special. Ant goes on to impress both the fans and Van Dam with his technique. The veteran RVD turns things around with a clothesline that knocks Ant head over heels. Van Dam goes up for a Five-Star Frog Splash but Green Ant surprises everyone in the building by kicking out. Ant struggles to get his offense going while Van Dam has no such problem. RVD breaks out some wicked kicks and finishes it with a split-legged moonsault.
Winner: Rob Van Dam
MATCH #5
BARNYARD BRAWL
Colossus vs. Amish Roadkill
LEONARD: “I’m not sure what a Barnyard Brawl is exactly but I have a feeling it doesn’t involve too many rules.”
Roadkill chomps at the bit as some of Dr. Cube’s minions wrangle the towering Colossus to the ring. They make adjustments on the instruments integrated in the giant’s suit. Colossus tosses Roadkill to the mat a couple of times but misses an elbow drop. Roadkill slams Colossus a couple of times himself, showing he is no slouch in the strength department either. Colossus takes charge and nearly ends it with a face claw slam. He follows with a choke slam and Roadkill still kicks out. After taking a lot of punishment out on the floor, Roadkill turns the tide a uses the Barn Burner to drop Colossus and get the pin. Dr. Cube’s titan has been defeated to the jubilation of everyone in the crowd and the members of the Lightning Army who join Roadkill in the ring to congratulate him. Cube’s minions assist the big man away, a heavy blow having been struck to Dr. Cube’s Forces.
Winner: Amish Roadkill
MAIN EVENT
PWIS CHAMPIONSHIP
Austin Aries(c) vs. Juan Francisco de Coronado
(Referee: Bryce Remsburg)
De Coronado makes a spectacle of removing his ring jacket with the assistance of Man Servant Herbert. Aries appears disgusted but also comes across very cocky. Maybe even taking his opponent lightly.
LEONARD: “Juan Francisco de Coronado essentially bought this title shot from Dr. Cube.”
LOUDEN: “Right you are, Chikarason. The PWIS community is strongly criticizing his receiving this match.”
Juan makes the first move but Aries reverses quickly. Juan goes to the floor and sends Aries into the post. A pair of double underhook powerbombs see Aries bailing from the ring where de Coronado follows. As Herbert distracts Bryce, Juan brings a chair down across the champion’s back. Making a comeback, Aries drills Juan with a Heat Seeking Missile. The momentum switches back and forth with de Coronado showing he can hang with the champion. Aries delivers a perfect brainbuster and goes for the pin. Herbert once again distracts the ref and Aries is getting riled. Austin is firmly in control of the weakened challenger and soon traps Juan in the Last Chancery. It doesn’t take long for Coronado to tap out. Aries takes his belt and leaves, perturbed.
Winner: Austin Aries
PWIS-PA Rankings
- Amish Roadkill
- Colossus
- Behemoth
- Juan Francisco de Coronado
- Mike Quackenbush
- Soldier Ant
- Crossbones
- UltraMantis Black
- Bryan Danielson
- Kobald
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