NWA Heartland presented by Daytondave

[cruefan68]

joebreakdown is a loyal Aftershow listener and is welcome to call in anytime. As for the card, it was very cool to see The Roughnecks get a Tag League win over The Throwbacks. Brodie Lee did the heavy lifting and Grizzly Redwood brought it home. I am psyched to see Cheerleader Melissa working her way towards a title shot. I hope that Kimber Lee and one Larry Sweeney are watching as Melissa just may be the one to dethrone her. Ricochet looked awesome in his win and I can definitely see big things from him in the future.

The Covfefe? Is The Warlord getting into that funny candy again? I will always think of them as the Cavalcade of Freaks, thanks Joebreakdown for that brilliant name! That's it and I am out of here leaving you with one from the late, great Ronnie James Dio - The Last In Line...

[EpicDave]

Thanks as always to CRUEFAN for rocking the Aftershow. Tonight, the Heartland's #1 fan sees his dream come true!

Heartland Championship Wrestling
King of the Indies: Chikara!
June 3, 2017 (Card #786)
Breslin Events Center, East Lansing, Michigan

The show opens with the tune, "Awake and Alive" by Skillet playing overhead. The fans cheer the arrival of DAYTONDAVE & WARLORD to the arena as they make their way to the announcers' table.

Daytondave: Hey, fans! Welcome to CHIKARA! It's another Saturday night in the heart of Big Ten country, and that means another exciting evening featuring the superstars of independent wrestling. The CHIKARA Trios Championship is on the line tonight! THE BATIRI are in the house to defend the title against TIM DONST, MIKE QUACKENBUSH, & MR. ZERO.

Warlord: That's the good news. The bad news is, tonight is the night that BIG JIM THE ENFORCER goes in front of the Wrestlers' Court.

Daytondave: Oh, my... that could be bad news. Big Jim stole the twinkies from DON LEO JONATHAN.

Warlord: And worse yet, he broke GIANT BERNARD'S Twink-a-lyzer.

Daytondave: Lock him up and throw away the key. But fans- we won't let the back-stage controversy take away from tonight's action in the ring. So relax, grab yourself a cold one, and enjoy the show!



GREG EXCELLENT** pinned SHYNRON****
The show started with a very competitive match! Shynron got the fans involved early, connecting on the Hidden Dragon several times to put Greg into trouble. But Excellent took the punishment and slowed the pace of the match, grounding Shynron with a nasty reverse facebuster. Shyron was stunned, and Excellent easily picked up the masked flyer for a Tiger Driver to earn the pin.


Daytondave: Ouch! That looked like that must have hurt.

Warlord: Score one for the big man! Who says you can't thrive on chicken 'n waffles?

Daytondave: They don't call him the "full-figured junior heavyweight" for nothing. Up next- the tag team league!



2017 INDEPENDENT TAG TEAM LEAGUE
THE ADDICTION (1-2) vs. CATCH POINT (0-3)
Daniels and Kazarian were at the top of their game tonight. Early in the bout, Kazarian blasted Yehi with Back To The Future, and Daniels quickly joined in with a pair of nasty double-teams which put Yehi out of commission. There was nothing that Tracy Williams could do as Kazarian dropped Yehi with a German Suplex for the pinfall.

WINNERS: THE ADDICTION


Daytondave: A superb tag team effort by Daniels and Kazarian. The bad news is, Catch Point now joins OI4K at the bottom of the standings at 0-4. Now let's take a look at two more of the CHIKARA top 8 contenders for the Grand Championship!



ASHLEY REMINGTON pinned CROSSBONES*
A very tight match between two determined men. The momentum went back and forth for nearly 15 minutes before Ashley surprised Crossbones with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex to pick up the win.


Daytondave: Everybody loves Ashley Remington.

Warlord: Even Crossbones shook hands with good old Ashley. But you know what people DON'T love?

Daytondave: What's that?

Warlord: People DON'T love a twinkie thief! My guys are setting up the ring right now for Wrestler's Court. This won't take long.



The scene returns to the ring, where the stage hands have set up a table, three chairs, and two podiums. DON LEO JONATHAN stands at one podium, and BIG JIM THE ENFORCER at the other. WARLORD takes a seat at the table, alongside CRUEFAN, but the third chair remains empty. GIANT BERNARD arrives, dressed in a tweed sport coat and carrying a microphone.

Bernard: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today-

Warlord: Psst! Wrong speech, big man!

Bernard: Of course. All rise! Hear ye, hear ye. On behalf of the superstars of the Heartland, Wrestlers' Court is convened to hear the case of Jonathan vs. Big Jim, in the presence of a jury of your peers. Thank you to Warlord, Cruefan, and Joe- wait- where's JOEBREAKDOWN?

Confusion reigns for a moment, until Cruefan checks his cell phone.

Cruefan: Flat tire. Joe can't make it.

Bernard: Very well. In the event that the jury cannot reach consensus, Judge Bernard will cast the deciding vote. Mr. Jonathan- what is the charge?

Jonathan (fighting back tears): He ate my Twinkies!

Bernard: Big Jim- how do you respond?

Jim: Guilty as charged. I ate the Twinkies.

Bernard: That was easy. Now we move to the sentencing phase. Big Jim, for the next 30 days, you are suspended from refereeing the Ladies' Division, and you are ordered to appear at all Heartland Wrestling events suitably attired to acknowledge your guilt in this matter.

Jim: I have to wear a suit?

Bernard: You must be suitably attired.

Jim: I don't have a suit.

Bernard: Suitable attire will be provided. Finally, we need to find a replacement official for the Ladies' Division.

Cruefan leaps from his seat.

Cruefan: Me! Me! Pick me!

Bernard: Our first selection will be Warlord.

Warlord: Can't do it, big man. I'm on commentary.

Cruefan: Me! Me! Pick me!

Bernard: Joebreakdown. Breakdown? Where's Breakdown?

Warlord: Flat tire.

Cruefan: Oh! Oh! Ooooooh! Me! Mr. Giant sir, pick me!

Bernard: I suppose we're out of options. Effective immediately, Cruefan will be the referee for the Ladies' Division.

Cruefan faints to the floor. Warlord picks up Cruefan and hoists him out of the ring as the stagehands remove the table and chairs.

Daytondave: Looks like Warlord is going to have to take Cruefan back to the trainer's room. Hopefully, he'll be back in action for tonight's ladies' match. But next up- another Grudge Match in the ongoing saga of the Gekido!



GRUDGE MATCH: NO DISQUALIFICATION
combatANT***** pinned CHEECH***
Another crazy showdown involving the Gekido and the stars of CHIKARA! combatANT and Cheech battled evenly for several minutes, until predictably members of both factions came to ringside. COLIN DELANEY and MR. ZERO arrived at the ring, followed closely by assailANT and deviANT! As the allies mixed it up at ringside, combatANT and Cheech went to the top turnbuckle. Battling for control, both men tumbled to the mat and took out the referee! With no official at ringside, all six men set to brawling. Cheech found himself at the mercy of assailANT and combatANT, who planted Cheech with a Spike Piledriver! deviANT took the opportunity to arouse the referee, who rolled over groggily and counted Cheech down for the pin.


Daytondave: That was insane! These factions of deteriorated into a full-scale war! I don't know how long this can go on before the carnage takes its toll. What a wild match! I think we need to cut away to "Sweet Talk" while order is being restored.

The scene shifts to the set of "Sweet Talk", where LARRY SWEENEY struts across the stage with a grin. Alongside Sweeney, KIMBER LEE stands with a microphone, wearing the Heartland Ladies' Championship title belt.

Kimber: Welcome, all you Michigan mental midgets, to tonight's episode of Sweet Talk. Sit back, shut your mouths, and let Larry Sweeney drop some knowledge on you. Of course, a little knowledge in this town could be dangerous- or it could just die of loneliness.

Sweeney: Hahaha! Kimber, you're brilliant. And you're right- the intelligence quotient in this arena is scraping the bottom of the barrel. This crowd is below average even by Michigan standards.

(Boos)

Sweeney: But the cool thing is, we all love the sport of wrestling, so let's talk about the Indies. Congratulations to KENNY OMEGA & CHRIS SABIN! Omega and Sabin have captured the KOTI Tag Team Championship! Kudos to THE BRISCOE BROTHERS for a nice title run- but you gotta love the way that Sabin and Omega have taken the tag team world by storm!

(Cheers)

Sweeney: Atlanta Wrestling Entertainment sure had a huge double shot this past weekend. Not only was Atlanta the site of the tag team title change, the AWE fans also got to see ADAM COLE successfully defend the King Of The Indies Championship with a big win over the local favorite, CEDRIC ALEXANDER. Way to go, Bay Bay!

(Cheers)

Sweeney: All of the AWE champions were in action this weekend, too. KELLY KLEIN stole the headlines by taking the AWE Ladies' Championship with a big win over TAELER HENDRIX. Congratulations, Kelly, on your first taste of KOTI gold! Cedric Alexander held onto the AWE Heavyweight Championship with a win over JIMMY RAVE, but Rave and DONOVAN DIJACK successfully defended the AWE Tag Team Championship. Congratulations to AWE Promoter TODD JOHNSTON for a stellar weekend of action!

(Cheers)

Sweeney: Things turned ugly in Evolve Wrestling this week. TRACY WILLIAMS is the new Evolve Heavyweight Champion- but not without help from his Catch Point crew. MATT RIDDLE and other members of Catch Point launched an unprovoked attack on the former champion, ZACH SABRE, JR. Zach suffered an injured neck in that attack, and his injury was instrumental in Sabre losing his title to Williams later in the week. Not cool, Catch Point. I thought you guys were all about wrestling.

(Boos)

Sweeney: And last but not least, it was another terrific night for the Style Battle promotion! Congratulations to session 2 winner PUNISHMENT MARTINEZ! I have said it before, and I will say it again- Martinez is a beast. He owned the Style Battle, but he is still on the warpath for revenge against KEVIN SULLIVAN & BJ WHITMER. Sullivan should never have let himself get on the bad side of the beast! Also, props to CHIKARA'S own GREEN ANT & FIRE ANT! Our boys won the five-way tag team ladder match at Style Battle to earn a shot at the AWE Tag Team Championship. Strong work!

(Cheers)

Sweeney: Okay, jabronis- that's all the knowledge you can handle for one night, so I will kick it back over to Daytondave & Warlord for the rest of tonight's action. The pleasure was yours!


Daytondave: Once again, Sweeney is the fount of information and the poster child of arrogance. And I do want to echo his congratulations to Omega and Sabin, and to our own Colony! Let's head back to the ring for our next match.



2017 INDEPENDENT TAG TEAM LEAGUE
PIECES OF HATE (2-1) vs. SCORPIO SKY & JOEY RYAN (3-0)
Sky and Ryan dominated this bout from the opening bell. Ryan administered a colossal beating to Jigsaw to start the contest, and Jigsaw was lucky to escape to Shard. Shard battled both men until a Blackout DDT from Scorpio put Shard out to dream street. Ryan tagged back in and finished the bout with style using the Walk-Off.

WINNERS: SCORPIO SKY & JOEY RYAN


Daytondave: Textbook tag team work from the West Coast guys. Joey and Scorpio join THE BRAVADO BROTHERS as the only unbeatens left in the league!

Warlord: Brothers from different mothers, those two!

Daytondave: Next up, fans- a big match for the Ladies.

Warlord: And the refereeing debut of the Cruefan!



HEARTLAND LADIES' CHAMPIONSHIP: #1 CONTENDERS' MATCH
CHEERLEADER MELISSA* pinned MADISON EAGLES***
Two of the hardest-hitting ladies in the Heartland went to battle in this high-stakes match. Madison nailed Melissa with a Spider German Suplex to take control after several minutes. But Madison was unable to lock Melissa into the Cattle Mutilation, and the action spilled out of the ring. Madison and Melissa knocked each other around as Cruefan tried to gain control. Cruefan gave the ladies plenty of leeway, refusing to throw the match out despite the chaos. When the ladies finally got back to the ring, Melissa took Madison to the mat and clamped on the Kondo Clutch, but Madison stubbornly refused to give it up. Both ladies were on the brink of exhaustion, but Melissa managed to hoist Madison over her shoulder and drop Madison with the Kudoh Driver to capture the victory!


Daytondave: What a battle! Those two ladies left it all in the ring tonight. Congratulations to Melissa for earning a shot at the ladies' title.

Warlord: Yeah- great match! And you know- Cruefan actually did a decent job as the referee!

Daytondave: Give the man his due. All right, fans- are you ready for the Main Event?



MAIN EVENT: HEARTLAND TRIOS' CHAMPIONSHIP
MISTER ZERO*****, MIKE QUACKENBUSH*****, & TIM DONST* defeated THE BATIRI (KOBALD****, KODAMA*, & OBARIYON**)
The trios title match was a protracted war! Quackenbush started for the challengers, but quickly found himself at the mercy of the coordinated attacks from the Batiri. Mr. Zero came to the aid of his partner, and soon all six men were battling in the ring. The Batiri prevailed and cleared the ring, and Kobald went to the top turnbuckle with a daredevil dive to the floor which wiped out all six men! Kobald pulled Donst back into the ring, but Donst countered Kobald and pulled Kobald into the Hydro Lock! Kobald was trapped, and Zero and Quackenbush held off the other members of the Batiri until Kobald was forced to tap out!


TEAM QUACKENBUSH WINS THE CHIKARA TRIOS CHAMPIONSHIP


Daytondave: What a tremendous contest! Tim Donst pulled his team from the jaws of defeat to championship glory! Congratulations to this gritty, determined, hard-working trio for capturing the Trios Championship. An outstanding Main Event to put the wrap on a grea night of action. All right, fans- we're done here. Thanks for checking us out tonight! CHIKARA will be back on Wednesday night with a midweek special that will blow the doors off of the Crisler Center. That's our show, and I AM OUTTA HERE!

[TTX]

Nice to see Team Quack win as well as Melissa.

[cruefan68]

Dreams do come true I say with a tear in my eye. Thirty days as referee of the Heartland Ladies Division - Yes, Yes, Yes! As you saw I did a fantastic job handling that Cheerleader Melissa vs. Madison Eagles match and I made sure that we got a clear cut winner. I will even be fair to Kimber Lee should I be assigned to referee one of her matches. As for Jessie McKay, I will do my best to call her matches down the line but no promises. Sorry for that flat tire joebreakdown as you missed out on a great gig. I eagerly await my next assignment.

Congrats to Mike Quackenbush, Tim Donst and Mr. ZERO on winning the trios titles from The Batiri. That was a great finish to a great main event. Wow I am shocked to see Scorpio Sky & Joey Ryan remain undefeated in the Tag League especially at the expense of Pieces of Hate. Congrats to them on a big win as well as to The Addiction for bettering their place in the standings. Catch Point is having a rough tournament for sure.

That's all for this Aftershow and what better way can I celebrate my new assignment than to end it than with a Motley Crue classic - Girls, Girls, Girls!

[joebreakdown]

Flat tire?! Flat tire?! I call foul play...
I was polishing my best referee shoes when there was a knock at the door. I went to investigate but the last thing I remember was a rather large gent with a pointy stick, a large 'W' atop, scowling at me with some menace. He hastily beat a retreat into my abode, but a strange green mist filled my boudoir. The next thing I remember, I woke up some 12 hours later with an empty bottle of rum by my side....

Anyway, congrats on the sweet gig, CrueFan- I'm sure you'll do more than a stellar job.

I am pleased to see the Twinkie fiasco appears to resolved and thankfully we can get back to the real matter at hand- the hard n heavy grunt n groan action, which as usual was fabulously entertaining!!

Hurrah!

[EpicDave]

Another outstanding Aftershow from Cruefan, and the comments from joebreakdown and my man Troy are always appreciate. Can Cruefan referee as well as he can blog?

Heartland Championship Wrestling
King of the Indies: Chikara!
June 7, 2017 (Card #787)
Crisler Center, Ann Arbor, Michigan

The show opens with the tune, "Awake and Alive" by Skillet playing overhead. DAYTONDAVE & WARLORD make their way down the aisle of the packed arena. The fans are clapping and shouting, until BRUTUS BUCKEYE bursts through the curtain! The fans immediately begin booing and hurling trash. Brutus circles the ring, stumbling and falling on the concrete and struggling to his feet as two fans drench him with beer. The fans continue berating Brutus, who slips and slides back up the ring ramp. Daytondave appears shocked, as Warlord bursts into hysterical laughter.

Daytondave: This is Wolverine Country! What is Brutus Buckeye doing here?

Warlord walks to Brutus and pulls the mascot head off to reveal BIG JIM THE ENFORCER.

Warlord: Great work, Big Jim! You sure got some good heat!

Big Jim: Is that it for tonight?

Warlord: That's it.

Big Jim: Can I get some Twinkies?

Warlord: NO. No Twinkies for 30 days!

Big Jim: You're a hard man, Warlord.

Warlord: It's a hard business. I hope you have learned a lesson tonight from the fine people right here in Ann Arbor, Michigan!

(Cheers)

Daytondave: So Big Jim pays his dues, and Warlord gets a cheap pop. What a way to start off our midweek edition of CHIKARA!

Warlord: Daytondave- you're a Buckeye fan, right?

Daytondave: I am- but tonight I am here to promote the superstars of CHIKARA, not to take a beer bath. We have some great matches lined up- so relax, grab yourself a cold one- or shall I say, another cold one- and enjoy the show!



TRISH STRATUS*** (w/JIMMY HART) pinned BARBI HAYDEN**
The Heartland Ladies kicked off the show with a bang. Barbi gave Trish some punishment to open the match, and Barbi nearly scored the pin after a spinning neckbreaker. But Jimmy Hart leaped to the ring apron, distracting referee Cruefan and allowing Trish to give Barbi a wallop with Hart's megaphone. Trish followed up with the Stratusphere to score the pin.


Daytondave: Another tainted victory for Trish Stratus.

Warlord: What a baffoon! Cruefan got schooled by Jimmy Hart!

Daytondave: I'm not going to hold that against Cruefan. Jimmy Hart has gotten the best of many experienced referees, Cruefan is giving his best effort to call it down the middle.



2017 INDEPENDENT TAG TEAM LEAGUE
THE TRIBE (2-1) vs. TEAM TREMENDOUS (2-1)
Tonight's bout was tremendous, but only for the Tribe. Hawaiian Lion took the measure of Barry early in the bout, and waylaid Barry with a serious of lariats. Barry survived Lion's Ankle Lock, but Warrior hit the ring to assist Lion with the Reservation Devastation for a decisive victory.


WINNERS: THE TRIBE


Daytondave: The former KOTI Tag Team Champions looked great tonight! We have reached the completion of Block Five of the Tag Team League, so let's take a look at the current standings:

Warlord: And look at those Bravados! They- could- go- all- the- waaaaaaay!

Daytondave: The Bravados and Sky and Ryan are the front-runners at this point, but there's still five rounds left to go.


As the standings are displayed, the crowd cheers for the arrival of DON LEO "JUNK FOOD" JONATHAN! Jonathan brings a knapsack filled with Twinkies and Raspberry Zingers, tossing them to delighted fans around the arena. JOCK SAMPSON hits the ring, and Don Leo tosses him a Zinger. Jock grins widely and peels off the wrapper, but before he is able to take a bite, he is jumped from behind by JIMMY RAVE!



JIMMY RAVE defeated JOCK SAMPSON* by disqualification
After the opening assault, Rave went to work on Sampson, dropping him with The Move That Rocks The World. Rave followed with the Doppler Effect for a two count, and Sampson rolled out of the ring in a fury! Sampson picked up his uneaten Zinger and smashed it into the face of Rave! Jimmy came away with frosting in his eyes, and the referee called for the disqualification.

After the decision, Sampson continued to beat down Rave until officials from backstage managed to pull apart the fracas.


Warlord: What a crock! That scoundrel Jimmy Rave messed with Sampson's Zinger! You can't disqualify Sampson for defending his Zinger! Rave should have been disqualified for that!

Daytondave: Sometimes, there is no justice in the world. Is nothing sacred in the land of CHIKARA? All right, fans- just one more match to go- and this is a big one in the CHIKARA Tag Team Division. As you know- it takes three points to earn a shot at the Campeonatos de Parejas. The team of ZACHARY WENTZ & DEZMOND XAVIER, aka SCARLET & GRAVES, has earned two points, and they are on the brink of earning a title match! But tonight, they need to get past the former champions, ICARUS & GRAN AKUMA, to earn that third point!



TEAM F.I.S.T. (ICARUS & GRAN AKUMA*) defeated SCARLET & GRAVES (DEZMOND XAVIER** & ZACHARY WENTZ**)
The dream of Scarlet and Graves died tonight at the hands of the CHIKARA veterans. Akuma lured Zachary into the F.I.S.T. corner early in the match, and Akuma and Icarus gave the youngster a nasty beating. Zachary finally escaped to make the desperation tag to Dezmond, who leveled Akuma with a sling blade! Zachary returned to the ring to assist Dez with a double-team Make Some Noise, and F.I.S.T. found themselves backpedalling. Akuma gathered himself and tagged in Icarus, who slowed the pace of the match with a series of grueling submission holds and suplexes. Zachary could only look on from the apron as Icarus finally dropped Dezmond with the Blu-Ray for the finish.


Daytondave: A disappointing loss for the young Ohio guys. But it's a tough row to hoe if you want a shot at the Campeonatos, and I am sure that Dezmond and Zachary will bounce back from this loss and get back in to contention. All right, fans- we're done here. Thanks for checking us out tonight! CHIKARA will be back on Saturday night with more great action, but unfortunately that won't include a Campeonatos title defense.

Warlord: Food fight!

Daytondave: What? Again?!?

Warlord: No- but let's have one on Saturday!

Daytondave: That's worth a thought. Fans- tune in this Saturday night for a Food Fight match between JOCK SAMPSON and JIMMY RAVE. That's our show, and I AM OUTTA HERE!

[TTX]

Why waste a perfectly good Zinger? *laughs* Fun stuff here.

[cruefan68]

I was in a euphoric state as I drove to Ann Arbor knowing that I had the assignment to referee the match between Trish Straus and Barbi Hayden. When I finally got to the ring it was hard to concentrate as the two blond beauties prepared for battle but I managed to remain professional. That is until Jimmy Hart got involved and I lost my focus. Trish got the win and when I reviewed the tape later in slow motion I realized that I should have reversed the decision. Hopefully Hayden can get a rematch. My inexperience as a referee showed there but I feel that I will be better prepared for my next assignment.

I love when the KOTI Tag League standings are updated and The Tribe picked up a big win in the Independent Division moving within one win of Joey Ryan & Scorpio Sky. That Jimmy Rave vs. Jock Sampson match was a real zinger that's for sure. Next they have a Food Fight Match which should really be something. Too bad Scarlet & Graves failed to pick up that third point as it is very tough to earn title shots in the CHIKARA tag team division with the three point rule. Team F.I.S.T. came up big there.

That's all for this Aftershow and as I leave the arena and get back out on the road again I will leave you with the Bob Seger classic Turn The Page...

[EpicDave]

Thanks as always to my main man CRUEFAN for rocking the Aftershow. We'll see what the fallout is after this INSANE episode of CHIKARA!

Heartland Championship Wrestling
King of the Indies: Chikara!
June 10, 2017 (Card #788)
Mackey Arena, West Lafayette, Indiana

The show opens with the tune, "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue" by Toby Keith playing overhead. DAYTONDAVE and WARLORD enter the arena to the cheers of the crowd.

Daytondave: Hey, fans! Welcome to this sensational Saturday night broadcast of CHIKARA!

Warlord: I'm lovin' me some Toby Keith!

Daytondave: Summer is upon us, and that means that Freedom Festival 2017 is just a few weeks away. But tonight, we have plenty of business ahead.

Warlord: Food fight!

Daytondave: Yes- tonight is the night for the Food Fight pitting JOCK SAMPSON against JIMMY RAVE!

Warlord: Jimmy Rave will learn that you never mess with a man's Raspberry Zinger.

Daytondave: And that's not all, fans. The 2017 Independent Tag Team League will be in action tonight- and we're going to kick things off with a CHIKARA Contract Match. It's Saturday night and it's CHIKARA, fans! So relax, grab yourself a cold one, and enjoy the show!



CHIKARA CONTRACT MATCH
ARIK CANNON pinned "THE HANDLEBAR HABERDASHER" MARION FONTAINE*
Fontaine tried to hoodwink Cannon early in the match, but Fontaine's efforts to sell an imaginary leg injury proved fruitless. Cannon clobbered Fontaine with a running clothesline, then delivered a big Avalanche to catch the pin.


Daytondave: Arik Cannon- welcome to CHIKARA!

Warlord: I like this guy. You gotta get up early in the morning to put one over on him- and who wants to get up early in the morning? Certainly not the good people here in West Lafayette, Indiana!

(Cheers)

Daytondave: Well played, Warlord. Never saw the cheap pop coming.

Warlord: One of the great things about the state of Indiana is homemade sweet pickles. So, in celebration of Food Fight Night here in the Hoosier State, please welcome BIG JIM THE ENFORCER!

The fans cheer as Big Jim emerges through the curtain, dressed as a giant pickle. Big Jim passes out free hot dogs to the fans around the ring, earning cheers from the crowd. Red-faced, Big Jim returns to the dressing room without comment.

Daytondave: How the mighty have fallen. One little indiscretion, and Big Jim goes from the head referee of the Ladies' Division to the laughing stock of CHIKARA. In his place, CRUEFAN has done a credible job of refereeing the ladies- and he'll have another chance to prove his mettle in our next match.



SHAZZA MCKENZIE* pinned ANGELUS LAYNE*****
Cruefan had his hands full with this match. It was a slugfest from the beginning, as Angelus tried to intimidate Shazza with punches and chokes. But Shazza went to the air and neutralized Angelus with several stunning aerial moves. Angelus rolled out of the ring and pulled Shazza with her! Both ladies landed stiff blows on the arena floor as Cruefan issued the 10-count and corraled the action back into the ring. Shazza once again took control, and delivered the Overdrive to Angelus to earn the three count.


Daytondave: A very competitive match. Kudos to Shazza for executing her game plan to win that one.

Warlord: And a great job by the Cruefan! That match was everywhere- in the ring, in the air, on the floor- and Cruefan was on top of things the entire way.



2017 INDEPENDENT TAG TEAM LEAGUE
OI4K (0-4) vs. THE ADDICTION (2-2)
The Crist Brothers came out in no mood to be messed with. Dave and Jake took their aggression on Kazarian, working Frankie over with a variety of strikes. Kazarian tried without success to tag out, but OI4K kept the heat coming. Jake hit the ring after a blind tag and joined Dave for a combo running spear/enzuigiri and a clean pinfall on Kazarian!


WINNERS: OI4K


Warlord: Do you believe in miracles?

Daytondave: Come on, man! Give the brothers a little slack. The Tag Team League brings the best talent from all around the Indies- and it's no shame that they got off to a slow start. I am impressed by the way these guys handled an outstanding team in The Addiction.



CROSSBONES pinned JONATHAN GRESHAM***
The big man dominated this match from the get-go. Crossbones came out with power and intimidation, and punished Gresham with strength moves. Crossbones planted Gresham with the Scrapbuster, and the little man was toast. It took three Friggin' Sweet Drivers, but Crossbones finally picked up the victory.


Warlord: Oh, the brutality!

Daytondave: That was an important win for Crossbones to keep his hopes alive at remaining in the top 8. All right, fans- it's break time- and that means it's time for "Sweet Talk"!

The scene shifts to "Sweet Talk", where LARRY SWEENEY struts across the set with his trademark grin. KIMBER LEE stands proudly alongside, holding the Heartland Ladies' Title over her shoulder.

Kimber: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please! You are about to hear words of wisdom from the guru of independent wrestling. So shut your mouths and open your minds for the smartest man in the Heartland, Larrrrry Sweeeney!

Sweeney smirks as the fans boo.

Sweeney: Okay, people. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and it's still a free country, so boo if you must. I've always said that opinions are like buttholes- everybody has one, and most of them stink. But you know what didn't stink this week? Style Battle, baby! Congrats to Big Mike, aka MICHAEL ELGIN, for winning Style Battle number three in impressive fashion. He took down some big competition, including KEITH LEE in the finals- so give it up for the big man!

(Cheers)

Sweeney: Ring of Honor: New York put on a darn good show this week. The King Of The Indies himself, ADAM COLE, picked up a win over MARTY SCURLL in the Main Event, but it cost Adam a beating from the members of the VILLIAN CLUB. What a bunch of punks! MATT SYDAL, QT MARSHALL, MATT TAVEN- you boys need to learn some respect for the best in the business. It just goes to show ya- ROH:NY is a dangerous place to be these days.

(Cheers)

Sweeney: Gimme a minute to welcome Beyond Wrestling to the KOTI universe. This new promotion kicked off with a bang last night with KEITH LEE on top of the card getting the win over MATT TREMONT. And props to MARION FONTAINE who got the victory in the first-ever Beyond Wrestling match. Strong work, boys!

(Cheers)

Sweeney: Honestly, people, I don't know what to think about tonight's Main Event. Seriously? A Food Fight? I know for a fact that JIMMY RAVE doesn't even like junk food. I predict Jimmy will teach JOCK SAMPSON a good lesson about bad behavior tonight. All right, people, I think that's about all the knowledge your simple Boilermaker brains can handle tonight, so I will kick it back to Daytondave & Warlord for the rest of tonight's action. The pleasure was yours!


Warlord: Why does he always say "The pleasure was yours"? Nobody likes listening to Larry Sweeney more than Larry Sweeney.

Daytondave: Good point. Let's take a look at two more of our top eight contenders!



RICOCHET****** pinned ASHLEY REMINGTON*****
In a spectacular match, Ricochet and Remington engaged in a protracted war. Ricochet started fast, going to the air and connecting with several high-impact blows. But Ricochet crashed and burned on a 630 Senton, and Ashley took over. Remington punished Ricochet with a series of suplexes, but Ricochet came through the onslaught and the match continued. Ricochet pitched Ashley to the arena floor and launched himself with a tope suicida, resulting in a violent collision that left both men in a heap on the concrete. The competitors barely made it back to the ring ahead of the ten count. Reaching deep, Ricochet launched himself a final time, connecting with a double rotation moonsault and covering Remington for the pin!


Daytondave: Wow! Both those guys left it all on the mat tonight. Congratulations to Ricochet on a big win and another step toward a shot at the Grand Championship.

Warlord: What is that dude? A buck-fiddy? If there was ever a man in need of a Raspberry Zinger, you're looking at him. But somehow- he makes it work.



2017 INDEPENDENT TAG TEAM LEAGUE
AMASIS & OPHIDIAN (2-2) vs. THE BRAVADO BROTHERS (4-0)
The unbeaten Bravados had their hands full tonight. Ophidian came out against Harlem and took control early, taking Harlem to the mat with a double knee attack and locking in the Death Grip! Harlem struggled to escape to the ropes, forcing Ophidian to break the hold. With Harlem in trouble, Amasis hit the ring and went for the double-team, but Lancelot pulled Harlem out of harm's way and the members of the Portal collided! Lancelot tried to roll up Ophidian, but Amasis broke up the pin attempt with a kick to the head of Lancelot. Harlem grabbed Amasis by the tights and pitched him out of the ring, but Ophidian caught Harlem from behing with a running high knee to send Harlem to the floor. Amasis grabbed Lancelot and pulled him to the floor, setting the stage for Ophidian to take to the skies and wipe out all four men! Slowly, Amasis got to his feet, and Lancelot pushed himself to his knees. Amasis came at Lancelot, but Lancelot pulled a chair from under the ring and tossed it into Amasis' path! The chair took out Amasis by the knees, sending him slumping to the floor. Ophidian angrily grabbed the chair and waffled Lancelot across the back! With all four men brawling out of control, the referee called for the bell.


RESULT: DOUBLE DISQUALIFICATION


Daytondave: That was out of control! The Bravados were in deep trouble, but lived to fight another day. That will cost both teams a loss in the Tag Team standings.

Warlord: Unreal! It looks like Amasis is still rather shaken up from hitting that chair.

Daytondave: This match may be more costly than just a defeat in the standings for the Portal.

Warlord: Yeah, that's a shame- but now it's time for the Food Fight! Hey- who's gonna referee?

At the mention of the need for a referee, CRUEFAN returns to ringside.

Cruefan: I got this!

Daytondave: Sorry, dude. You already have a job. How about BIG JIM THE ENFORCER?

Warlord: No way. Not letting him anywhere near the Junk Food match. In fact, he ought to be handcuffed outside of the ring to keep him away from the junk food.

Cruefan: Not possible.

Daytondave: Why not?

Cruefan: All of the handcuffs mysteriously disappeared from backstage.

Warlord: Seriously? Cruefan, was that crazy Aussie girlfriend of yours here again?

Cruefan blushes.

Daytondave: All right, we'll suspend Big Jim over the ring in a cage. That will keep him out of harm's way. Where's JOEBREAKDOWN?

Cruefan: Couldn't make it. He ran out of gas.

Daytondave: Again? What is it with that guy?

Warlord: I got it. There's only one guy who ought to referee the food fight. How about it, Don Leo?

The fans cheer as DON LEO JONATHAN heads down to the ring, tossing out Twinkies to the fans along the ring ramp. JOCK SAMPSON enters the arena with a duffel bag which he places in the center of the ring. JIMMY RAVE comes last, pushing a shopping cart and demanding a microphone.

Rave: I won'r be a part of any Junk Food match! Jimmy Rave is the model athlete and the perfect physical specimen. I refuse to battle with anything but the freshest of fruits and vegetables!

Warlord: Now that's what I call a man of principle. Let's get it on!

Rave looks up at Big Jim, who is caged above the ring. Rave reaches into his cart and pulls out a fresh avocado, which he tosses up to Big Jim. Jim looks at the avocado, and fires it back at Rave. The avocado catches Rave on the side of the head, stunning him momentarily. Sampson seizes the opportunity to back-jump Rave, and Don Leo calls for the bell!



MAIN EVENT: FOOD FIGHT
JIMMY RAVE* pinned JOCK SAMPSON**
The fireworks began immediately as Samson planted Rave with a power slam! Rave was on the defensive, but pulled out a watermelon and splattered Samson in the chest! Sampson retaliated by cracking open a beer and pouring it over Rave, drenching Jimmy and leaving a puddle in the center of the ring.

Daytondave: What is this? A food fight or a beer bath?

Warlord: It's BOTH!

Rave countered by pulling out a bunch of carrots, which he used to beat back Sampson to the neutral corner. Rave kept on the attack, stunning Jock with an enzuigiri in the corner, followed by a green tomato to the side of the head! Sampson crawled to the center of the ring, pulled out a Mountain Dew, shook it and sprayed it into the eyes of Rave!

Warlord: That good old Mountain Dew!

Rave staggered back to his shopping cart and pulled out a celery stalk, but Samson grabbed the celery and drove it into the midsection of Rave. Samson followed with a pair of Raspberry Zingers to the face, and Rave was in trouble! Samson tried to plant Rave face-first into a tub of Haagen-Daaz, but Rave blocked the move and shoved the bucket over the head of Samson! With Sampson staggered and blinded, Rave dropped Jock with an STO onto the ring apron and covered him for the three count!

After the match, Rave stood over Sampson, peeled a banana, and shoved it into the mouth of Sampson. Sampson gagged and choked, until Don Leo pulled Rave off of Sampson, and Rave celebrated the victory by tossing bananas out generously to the booing crowd.


Daytondave: Rave almost choked Samson to death with that banana!

Warlord: I don't think Sampson has ever eaten a banana. When Sampson grabbed that celery stalk, he looked like it was the strangest thing he had ever seen.

Daytondave: Well, at least for tonight, Rave and his health food have prevailed. Is there no justice in this world? All right, fans- we're done here. Thanks for checking us out tonight! CHIKARA will return on Wednesday with a mid-week special, where once again the Independent Tag Team League will be in action, and TIM DONST will square off in a grudge match against assailANT. That's our show, and I AM OUTTA HERE!

[cruefan68]

As I was driving towards West Lafayette I noticed a car stranded on the side of the road. I thought about stopping but thoughts of Shazza McKenzie and Angelus Layne spun around in my head and I passed the vehicle by. Now that I think about it that may have been joebreakdown stranded there. Oh well, I said to myself, he can make it to the next show. When I arrived at the Mackey Arena I noticed Big Jim The Enforcer running around like a crazy man screaming "twinkies" but I just ignored him, it's better that way.

I had business to take care of and if I must say so I did a terrific job handling that win by Shazza over Angelus in what was a hard fought match. Bravo, ladies, for a great performance. When I got to the back I noticed my nemesis, Larry Sweeney, hanging around and he nodded to me in something of a show of respect. At least I think it was. I still have problems with Sweeney but I think in time they can be put aside. After all how long can I stay angry with the master of the 68' Comeback Special?

As for the rest of the night, and no I'm not talking about the handcuffs and Jessie McKay part of it, I have to say that the Jimmy Rave vs. Jock Samson Food Fight match was something else. A Haagen-Daaz covered STO onto the ring apron wins it for Rave followed by a banana to the mouth. I thought I had seen everything but then that happened. Ricochet vs. Ashley Remington was great and it is always cool to see Crossbones going to the pay window, if you will. Congrats to OI4K on netting their first win in the Tag League but the Bravado Brothers get another loss on their record and make Amasis pay for it post-match.

That's all for the Aftershow and as I head back out on the road I will leave you with a headbanging classic from the late, great Lemmy and Motorhead - Eat The Rich...