NWA Heartland presented by Daytondave Aug 31, 2008 16:38:03 GMT -5
Post by EpicDave on Aug 31, 2008 16:38:03 GMT -5
NWA Heartland Card #157
Montgomery County Fairgrounds Coliseum, Dayton, Ohio
August 29, 2008
Montgomery County Fairgrounds Coliseum, Dayton, Ohio
August 29, 2008
The show opens with JR JAMES in the ring alongside COUSIN LUKE. JR is holding a microphone as Luke scans through the latest edition of the Wall Street Journal.
JR: Good evening, fans, and welcome to another exciting night of Heartland Wrestling action. We have a great card planned for you tonight, highlighted by a long-awaited grudge match. Tonight, DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE will attempt to exact his revenge against the MIDNIGHT EXPRESS, as Page and PLAYBOY BUDDY ROSE take on BOBBY EATON and DENNIS CONDREY in a no-disqualification battle in tonight's main event. Luke, what do you think about that match?
Luke looks up from his reading.
Luke: I think it will be John McCain in a landslide.
JR: John McCain?
Luke: I gotta tell ya, Jimmy, Sarah Palin was a stroke of genius!
JR: I guess that remains to be seen, Luke, but what's with the political commentary?
Luke: My buddy Brutus has been learnin' me. Say, Jimmy, what do you think about General Petraeus' recommendation to scale back on U. S. Military presence in the Anbar Province?
JR: What?!? Luke, we have wrestling matches to call tonight. Let's get to the ring for tonight's opening match.
(Tonight's referee: Joe Kopasz)
UNCLE ELMER vs. SCOTTY VORTEKZ
A back-and forth matchup pitting size against speed turned when Scotty executed a hellacious tope suicida on Elmer outside the ring! Both men hit the concrete floor hard, but Scotty made it back to his feet first. Elmer barely beat the ten-count, and when he rolled his 500-pound frame back into the ring, he was easy prey for Scotty's Dragonfly.
WINNER: SCOTTY VORTEKZ
(Scotty pinned Elmer after a Dragonfly)
JR: Scotty Vortekz continues to surprise! I didn't give him much chance of beating Uncle Elmer.
Luke: Me neither, Jimmy! My Uncle Elmer weighs 2.8 times as much as that little feller!
JR: 2.8 times? How did you figure that?
Luke: Brutus is learnin' me 'rithmatick too!
"DIEHARD" DUSTIN LEE vs. RAY "THE CRIPPLER" STEVENS (w/ BOBBY "THE BRAIN" HEENAN)
Stevens had very little trouble dispatching Dustin Lee after overpowering him with a double underhook suplex and crushing him with a jumping knee smash to set him up for the finisher.
WINNER: RAY "THE CRIPPLER" STEVENS
(Stevens pinned Lee after the Bombs Away)
JR: Ouch! That was one high-impact series of moves from Crippler Stevens. No question, Stevens is a dangerous man, especially with Bobby the Brain pulling the strings.
TEAM CANADA (THE MOUNTIE & ANGELO MOSCA) vs. THE KILLER BEES (B. BRIAN BLAIR & "JUMPIN'" JIM BRUNZELL
This match had everything! Early on, referee Joe Kopasz took a nasty spill after a collision with Angelo Mosca. As he lay out cold, the mystery man with the "M" on his mask dashed to the ring and attacked Jim Brunzell! Jumpin' Jim went down hard, but before the attacker could capitalize, Cousin Luke jumped from his seat at the ringside table and chased the mystery man out of the ring. This enabled the Bees to collect their thoughts and get back into the match. Brunzell wore out Mosca with a dazzling flurry of flying manuvers, leaving Mountie to deal with both the Bees. After Blair softened up Mountie with a sleeper hold, he tagged Brunzell back into the match for another flying finisher!
WINNERS: THE KILLER BEES
(Brunzell pinned Mountie with a Flying Head Scissors)
After the match, Cousin Luke reappeared, walking in from the locker room. He was accompanied by the mystery man with the "M" on his mask. Luke had his arm around the masked man, chatting him up happily as they returned from the back.
JR: Well! Luke, it looks like you have caught up with our mystery guest.
Luke: Sure thing, Jimmy! This here's my new pal, Morty!
JR: Um... nice to meet you, Morty. Is that short for something?
Morty: It's short for Mortimer. Call me Mortimer.
JR: Yes, sir. Mortimer it is!
Luke: Morty here is a magician!
Mortimer: A mortician.
JR: Why are you here, Mortimer?
Mortimer: I'm here to clean things up, and to get rid of unwanted waste.
Luke: That's great, Morty! Are you gonna use your magic wand to make the trash all disappear?
Mortimer: There is a lot of filthy rotten debris around here, and I will clean it up any way I have to.
Luke: That's why he wears the mask, Jimmy. A lot of smelly trash around here, I reckon.
JR: So Mortimer, you're here to "get rid of unwanted waste". Who hired you?
Mortimer: A concerned citizen. May I go now?
JR: Please, carry on. We have more business to conduct in the ring!
Mortimer: Funny you should say that... carreon is my business, too!
Luke: See you later, Morty! What a nice feller he was, don't ya think?
DELIRIOUS vs. "LIGHTNING" MIKE QUACKENBUSH
In a wild match, two of the most athletic and unorthodox competitors in the Heartland brought the house down! Quackenbush electrified the crowd with a series of flying moves, until he crashed and burned on the floor outside the ring. Delirious took over, hitting the Panic Attack on Quackenbush twice on the ring floor. When Quack finally made it back to the ring, Delirious locked him in to the Cobra Stretch and that was all she wrote.
(Delirious forced Quackenbush to submit to the Cobra Stretch)
JR: What an exciting win for Delirious! My goodness, after that conversation with Mortimer the Mortician, and the way Luke has been acting tonight, even Delirious seems sane.
DON LEO JONATHAN vs. "THE ANARCHIST" ARIK CANNON
Cannon fared surprising well against overwhelming odds, actually gaining a couple of near-falls on Jonathan. But his aggression went too far, as Cannon went for an ill-advised leap from the top turnbuckle. The giant Mormon caught him in a powerslam and finished him with a Rolling Back Splash.
WINNER: DON LEO JONATHAN
(Jonathan pinned Cannon after a Rolling Back Splash)
JR: The big Mormon just keeps on rolling! And now, fans, it's time for the main event!
MAIN EVENT: GRUDGE MATCH - NO DISQUALIFICATION
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE & PLAYBOY BUDDY ROSE vs. DENNIS CONDREY & BOBBY EATON (w/ JAMES E. CORNETTE)
DDP finally got his long-awaited grudge match against the Midnights. He stormed into the ring with his sights set on Dennis Condrey, but Eaton started the match and Condrey refused to tag in! Page became increasingly frustrated, but the crafty Midnights used this to their advantage. Eaton continued to taunt Page, until DDP went ballistic! Page finally floored Eaton with a Diamond Cutter, but Jim Cornette slid Bobby out of the ring before DDP could make the cover! DDP kicked the ropes in a rage, and finally tagged out to Rose. Rose entered the ring against Eaton, but Cornette plastered the Playboy with a racket shot and Eaton rolled him up for a quick 1-2-3!
WINNERS: DENNIS CONDREY & BOBBY EATON
(Eaton pinned Rose after Cornette interference)
Following the match, Page wasn't satisfied, and he continued to press the attack, lunging after Condrey. Condrey was more than happy to oblige, and the two locked up in an intense brawl! Officials and wrestlers streamed in from the locker room to pull the combatants apart. Bobby Eaton and Sweet Stan Lane managed to protect Condrey and usher him safely back to the locker room. An angry Page took the microphone.
Page: Condrey! You low-life! This ain't over!
Condrey stood at the entry way to the locker room and waved at Page mockingly. Page stormed after him, but Condrey and the Midnights escaped through the curtain.
JR: More frustration for Diamond Dallas Page as Condrey escapes and the Midnights steal a victory.
Luke: You know what, Jimmy? I think if we put Page and Condrey in that steel cage, then ol' Condrey might not get away so easy!
JR: You think we ought to have another cage match?
Luke: Good thinkin', Jimmy! Ol' Cletus promised me he'd have us a cage ready before the next paper view. Why don't you see if you can't get them two fellers in for a cage match?
JR: How about that! Fans, I think we have just signed another match for Heartland Havoc XIX. It will be Dennis Condrey and Diamond Dallas Page in the cage! That is shaping up to be one exciting pay-per-view! Ladies and gentlemen, we do thank you for joining us tonight. We'll be back on Monday night for another great night of action. You won't want to miss Monday's show, as the Heartland Television Title will be on the line. A very impressive champion, TAKESHI MORISHIMA, will be defending his title against PEPPER GOMEZ. Until then, fans, so long from the Buckeye State!