Post by Pete on May 4, 2012 20:25:26 GMT -5
I pay about as much attention to TNA as I do to second-division Bolivian soccer, or whomever the latest Kardashian is currently pregnant by. But this post from another board had me laughing out loud and it was enough to make me do a full C&P for here.
"Pretty sure everyone except 3 people here have given up on Impact, even though it actually hasn't been all that bad since 2012 started, but last night deserves some mention.
So one of Hogan's many "BIG NEW ANNOUNCEMENTS THAT WILL CHANGE THE BUSINESS FOREVER!!!!!" is the Gutcheck Challenge, where some indy guy will wrestlew a match and then be "shoot" evaluated and given a contract or not. It's just a really poorly produced "Tough Enough" in the middle of the show so it's nothing new at all. The execution makes it hilarious though.
So last week the first kid was Alex Silva, an OVW guy, and they're all going to come from OVW clearly. He wrestles a boring 3-minute match against Robbie E, barely deserving of a contract himself, and jobs while doing absolutely nothing. Glorified squash, even though I feel it wasn't supposed to come across that way, they just have no idea that it takes more than 3 minutes to get a new talent over.
So last night was the evaluation. This was pretty much treated as the main storyline of the night and the whole show built up to it. This is also what Hogan tweeted about earlier in the week when he claimed that Silva cut the greatest promo ever that "shoot" got him his job. Serioulsy. So opening segment Flair calls out Hogan for the billionth time and this leads to Hogan telling Flair to give back to the business and be a judge for Silva. Flair basically shits all over everything and all the new talent but agrees, which immediately opens up a huge logic gap as to why Hogan would want someone like Flair to sabotage these kids when he's clearly going to do so. Al Snow is another judge and they tease who the third judge will be. Stay tuned, it's gonna be BIG...
Except it's Bruce Prichard and no one gives a shit. Alrighty then. So next we have the 3 judges "shooting" about Silva's match and this is our "behind the curtain look" at the inner workings of the business. Snow adds nothing as TNA sucked the personality right out of him, but he likes Silva. Flair plays heel and in the process reads the Hogan/Bischoff script of "the kid is too small and will never draw a dime". Snow mentions 67% of tweets were in favor of Silva or some nonsense that I don't even believe, and Flair rips on the fans and the Internet for not knowing how to run his business and puts over WWE for good measure by saying he has 2 HOF rings in case anyone forgot that he doesn't care as much about his current company as his former one. So then Prichard says he's seen a lot of Silva matches in the past but last week wasn't his best effort. TNA sure knows how to build the drama and get a kid over.
But it goes on from there. ANOTHER segment, now all 3 judges in the ring and Silva called out. Now they say all this crap again. In between Snow reminds those of us too stupid to do math that Silva needs 2 out of 3 votes to get a contract and he says this 80 times. This is important and hilarious later on. So Flair again says no officially. Snow says yes for no reason other than his dad died or something. For some reason, instead of doing it first, after 2 votes is when they finally let Silva cut a promo for his contract. I think they just honestly forgot to give him a mic earlier. So Silva starts rambling to the fans and Flair legit cuts him off and says, "Talk to us, not the marks" because, you know, it's a "shoot" and Shane Douglas got over 15 years ago by calling fans marks and apparently Flair is now copying the Target manager. So Silva starts again and has 30 seconds except that he takes a lot longer but there's no clock so who's counting, and the kid can't speak proper English and keeps saying he wants a "contrac" instead of a "contract" and I think there should be a rule that if you can't pronounce something you shouldn't be allowed to get it. And again his dad died and he got a little Al Paccino shouty and overall it was a disaster. But it was SUPPOSED to be good so let's pretend it was. Flair grabs the mic and says so abruptly something like "You convinced me. Yes!" that I thought for sure it was a swerve but no, Flair really had to pretend it was the best promo ever and he was swayed by it even after playing heel and saying everything he said the last 90 minutes. Snow was already a yes so he got the 2 votes. Remember, as Snow pointed out ad nauseum, 2 out 3 gets him his job. But TNA themselves forgot that or Flair just fucked up and jumped in too fast because Prichard hasn't voted yet and that's what they're building towards even though he already is in. What they wanted to do was build towards Flair changing his vote but again I think he just jumped the gun. So now the kid is in but we're pretending we shouldn't know that yet and Prichard goes on and on about how it was a no but now it's a yes and Silva gets all excited even though he was in 5 minutes ago because that's how math works.
So that's the idea that will save the business. And now TNA is stuck with a really bad indy wrestler who can't make the "t" sound and will never get over because the fans were told he sucked for 90 minutes and he did in fact suck. But TNA writers must've written on their little format "Insert awesome shoot promo here" without taking into consideration that it would not be awesome because he's fing Alex Silva and doesn't know how to cut a promo, much less an ad-libbed one. Truly a trainwreck segment that screamed "Only in TNA".
"Pretty sure everyone except 3 people here have given up on Impact, even though it actually hasn't been all that bad since 2012 started, but last night deserves some mention.
So one of Hogan's many "BIG NEW ANNOUNCEMENTS THAT WILL CHANGE THE BUSINESS FOREVER!!!!!" is the Gutcheck Challenge, where some indy guy will wrestlew a match and then be "shoot" evaluated and given a contract or not. It's just a really poorly produced "Tough Enough" in the middle of the show so it's nothing new at all. The execution makes it hilarious though.
So last week the first kid was Alex Silva, an OVW guy, and they're all going to come from OVW clearly. He wrestles a boring 3-minute match against Robbie E, barely deserving of a contract himself, and jobs while doing absolutely nothing. Glorified squash, even though I feel it wasn't supposed to come across that way, they just have no idea that it takes more than 3 minutes to get a new talent over.
So last night was the evaluation. This was pretty much treated as the main storyline of the night and the whole show built up to it. This is also what Hogan tweeted about earlier in the week when he claimed that Silva cut the greatest promo ever that "shoot" got him his job. Serioulsy. So opening segment Flair calls out Hogan for the billionth time and this leads to Hogan telling Flair to give back to the business and be a judge for Silva. Flair basically shits all over everything and all the new talent but agrees, which immediately opens up a huge logic gap as to why Hogan would want someone like Flair to sabotage these kids when he's clearly going to do so. Al Snow is another judge and they tease who the third judge will be. Stay tuned, it's gonna be BIG...
Except it's Bruce Prichard and no one gives a shit. Alrighty then. So next we have the 3 judges "shooting" about Silva's match and this is our "behind the curtain look" at the inner workings of the business. Snow adds nothing as TNA sucked the personality right out of him, but he likes Silva. Flair plays heel and in the process reads the Hogan/Bischoff script of "the kid is too small and will never draw a dime". Snow mentions 67% of tweets were in favor of Silva or some nonsense that I don't even believe, and Flair rips on the fans and the Internet for not knowing how to run his business and puts over WWE for good measure by saying he has 2 HOF rings in case anyone forgot that he doesn't care as much about his current company as his former one. So then Prichard says he's seen a lot of Silva matches in the past but last week wasn't his best effort. TNA sure knows how to build the drama and get a kid over.
But it goes on from there. ANOTHER segment, now all 3 judges in the ring and Silva called out. Now they say all this crap again. In between Snow reminds those of us too stupid to do math that Silva needs 2 out of 3 votes to get a contract and he says this 80 times. This is important and hilarious later on. So Flair again says no officially. Snow says yes for no reason other than his dad died or something. For some reason, instead of doing it first, after 2 votes is when they finally let Silva cut a promo for his contract. I think they just honestly forgot to give him a mic earlier. So Silva starts rambling to the fans and Flair legit cuts him off and says, "Talk to us, not the marks" because, you know, it's a "shoot" and Shane Douglas got over 15 years ago by calling fans marks and apparently Flair is now copying the Target manager. So Silva starts again and has 30 seconds except that he takes a lot longer but there's no clock so who's counting, and the kid can't speak proper English and keeps saying he wants a "contrac" instead of a "contract" and I think there should be a rule that if you can't pronounce something you shouldn't be allowed to get it. And again his dad died and he got a little Al Paccino shouty and overall it was a disaster. But it was SUPPOSED to be good so let's pretend it was. Flair grabs the mic and says so abruptly something like "You convinced me. Yes!" that I thought for sure it was a swerve but no, Flair really had to pretend it was the best promo ever and he was swayed by it even after playing heel and saying everything he said the last 90 minutes. Snow was already a yes so he got the 2 votes. Remember, as Snow pointed out ad nauseum, 2 out 3 gets him his job. But TNA themselves forgot that or Flair just fucked up and jumped in too fast because Prichard hasn't voted yet and that's what they're building towards even though he already is in. What they wanted to do was build towards Flair changing his vote but again I think he just jumped the gun. So now the kid is in but we're pretending we shouldn't know that yet and Prichard goes on and on about how it was a no but now it's a yes and Silva gets all excited even though he was in 5 minutes ago because that's how math works.
So that's the idea that will save the business. And now TNA is stuck with a really bad indy wrestler who can't make the "t" sound and will never get over because the fans were told he sucked for 90 minutes and he did in fact suck. But TNA writers must've written on their little format "Insert awesome shoot promo here" without taking into consideration that it would not be awesome because he's fing Alex Silva and doesn't know how to cut a promo, much less an ad-libbed one. Truly a trainwreck segment that screamed "Only in TNA".
