Post by Shon Maxx on Jul 20, 2009 7:21:26 GMT -5
Inspired by Mr. Vegas' Jimmy Snuka DVD, I thought I'd introduce one, commemorating my dominant champion, Killer Kowalski.
Unmatched Superiority: The Best of Killer Kowalski
Killer Kowalski, along with his adviser, Ed Strangler Lewis, rules the Shooters' All-star Grappling Alliance with an iron fist. He has faced every major star in SAGA, and he shows no signs of slowing down!
This DVD sets includes not only his best matches, but entertaining out-of-match segments as well. Watch as Kowalski defeats Richard Hutton in a tables match, then proceeds to visit him in the hospital to offer empathy. Marvel as he stands navel-to-eye with a midget and holds his ground. And watch in astonishment as he holds his ground against Giant Baba as he takes yet another step in breaking Baba's record for longest titles reign.
All this and more to honor the man who not only rules SAGA...he is a saga himself!
(Paid for by Gold Dust Trio Entertainment).
Matches:
Killer Kowalski vs. SAGA Champion Giant Baba
(Season of Death 2006)
Killer Kowalski competes in and wins Psychopath event.
(The Psychopath 2006)
Killer Kowalski vs. Richard Hutton
(January 2006)
Killer Kowalski vs. Richard Hutton, Tables Match
(August 2007)
Killer Kowalski vs. Pepper Gomez, Ladder Match
(British Invasion, 2007)
Killer Kowalski enters and wins Blood Rumble
(Fright Night, 2007)
World Champion Killer Kowalski vs. Pepper Gomez
(November, 2007)
World Champion Killer Kowalski vs. Giant Baba
(Season of Death, 2007)
World Champion Killer Kowalski vs. Frank Gotch
(Explosion 2009)
Segments:
--------------------------------------------
Bill Apter was in the back with Killer Kowalski and Ed “Strangler” Lewis.
Apter: “So, gentlemen, what have you been doing in the off-season?”
Lewis: “Training. We've pushed Kowalski to and beyond his limits, and now the federation better beware.”
Kowalski: “And as for those in charge of publicity, the ones who have been trying to say I'm from a city here so I can be 'Americanized,' all I have to say is Americanize this!”
Kowalski lowers the bottom part of his eyelid with one finger.
Lewis: “Walter, we are in America at the moment. Maybe you should show your great intellect by doing things their way.”
Kowalski: “Very well.” (flips off camera and laughs).
----------------------------------------------------------------------
SAGA Heavyweight Champion Killer Kowalski pinned Richard Hutton after a Kowalski Claw. After the match, Kowalski hit a claw slam on Hutton again. Pepper Gomez ran out, but Timber smashed him with his 2X4. Lewis locked Hutton in the Strangler's Headlock while Timber pounded on him. Kowalski left the ring and got a microphone.
Kowalski: “All right, stop...Stop! That's enough, release him now!”
A surprised Lewis and Timber let Hutton go. Kowalski walked up to Hutton and placed a hand on his shoulder.
Kowalski: “I just want you to know, Richard, that I Do know the meaning of mercy...I just choose not to show any. Carry on.”
Kowalski left the ring with Lewis while Timber pounded on Hutton some more.
------------------------------------------------------------
Tables Match:
Killer Kowalski vs. Richard Hutton
Hutton was accompanied to the ring by Pepper Gomez. The two got to the ring and set up a table outside the ring. Hutton then had a second table set up on top of the first. Hutton then entered the ring. Kowalski was accompanied by Ed “Strangler” and Timber. Kowalski got into the ring, and the bell rang.
Kowalski shoved Hutton, who charged forward with a hard punch. Kowalski shrugged off the punch and and proceeded to pound Hutton in the corner. He then locked Hutton in a stomach claw, lifted Hutton in the air, and sent him crashing through both tables.
Winner: Killer Kowalski.
Aftermath: Kowalski and Co. celebrated in the ring while Gomez called for EMT's. Hutton was strapped to a stretcher and slowly taken to the back. As Kowalski left the ring, he looked down at Hutton and laughed.
----------------------------------------------------
Richard Hutton was lying on a hospital bed, with one arm and leg in a sling. His body is bandaged in various places.
Nurse: “Mr. Hutton, someone's here to see you.”
Hutton: (weakly) “Good, send Pepper in.”
Killer Kowalski walked in instead. Hutton's eyes went wide.
Kowalski: “Good evening, Richard. My stars, you look like you've been buried in Egypt for years.”
Hutton: “What...do you want?”
Kowalski: “Why, I'm here to visit you, Richard. Why else would I be here? (takes a step closer; Hutton pulls back and cringes slightly) You know, you create some funny expressions when you're terrified and in pain. I wonder...”
Kowalski mock-lunges at Hutton, who pulls back and cringes.
Kowalski: “Wow, I never realized I had that effect on you. You know, you look so funny when you make those faces. I'm sorry...I don't mean to...(starts laughing out loud). You just look so...(starts laughing again, leaning on Hutton's leg that's on the sling. Hutton cries out). Oops, I apologize. I'll leave you now; I wouldn't want to cause you any more suffering, no matter how humorous you are.”
Kowalski walked out. Hutton breathed a sigh of relief. Suddenly, Kowalski ran in, roaring. Hutton screamed in terror, then cried out loudly as his whole body jerked. Kowalski had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.
Kowalski: “Thank you, Richard. You are so good at uplifting my mood. (leaves as Hutton whimpers).”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pepper Gomez vs. Timber.
Ed “Strangler” Lewis accompanied Timber to the Ring. Timber tried to brutalize Gomez, but Gomez kept out--maneuvering the larger man. Finally, Gomez shocked his opponent with a Mexican Cradle for the win.
Winner: Pepper Gomez by pinfall.
Aftermath: Gomez grabbed a microphone.
Gomez: “Killer Kowalski, what you did to my amigo last week was horrible, but what you did to him just days ago was insulting. I challenge you to a match in this ring, anywhere, anytime!”
Kowalski walked out, stopping to stand by Lewis and Timber. Lewis handed him a microphone.
Kowalski: “Pepper Gomez, do not blame me. It's not my fault your 'amigo' is so funny-looking when he suffers. But if you want to face me, we must be on equal ground. So I'll make our match-up even.”
Kowalski reached under the ring and grabbed a ladder. He stood it up next to the apron.
Kowalski: “There, now we will be able to look eye-to-eye.”
Gomez: “...I don't get it.”
Kowalski: “Simple, if I have to fight a midget, I want our match to be even.”
Lewis: “Be careful, Walter. We don't want to offend the midgets of the world. They might write in.”
Kowalski: “How can they reach the mailbox?”
Lewis: “Oh come now, Walter, this is the computer age. All they need is a booster seat and they can email their complaints in.”
Kowalski: “Then we shall see how many peers Pepper Gomez really-”
Gomez cut Kowalski off with a baseball kick into the ladder, sending it crashing into the three foes. Kowalski was up first, but Gomez leaped off the apron and dropped him with a flying punch. Gomez then took off to the back as a livid Kowalski helped Lewis and Timber to their feet.
------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------
Killer Kowalski, Ed “Strangler” Lewis, and Timber were in the ring.
Kowalski: “I've heard people say that wrestling dumbs people. Well, I'm here to change that by reading to you from a thesaurus. Let's see, I'll pick a word at random. Okay, 'Short'; tiny, miniature, minuscule, Pepper Gomez...well look at that! Pepper, you are famous and you never told us.”
Just then, a midget walked down to the ring and entered.
Midget: “Killer Kowalski, I work in the offices, and I don't appreciate you calling us midgets. We prefer to be called, 'little people.'”
Kowalski: “Sir, Pepper Gomez is 5'9”. He is a little person. You sir are a midget.”
Lewis: “Now now, Walter, we should respect them. After all, they've been called, 'God's Practical Joke.'”
Kowalski: “Really now? Well, I wonder...”
Kowalski kicked the midget in the groin. The guy flew a few feet in the air and came crashing down to the mat.”
Kowalski: “Well, what do you know...we salute you, sir.”
Suddenly, Pepper Gomez ran into the ring. He drop kicked Lewis and back body dropped Timber over the top rope. He charged at Kowalski, but Kowalski floored him with a clothesline. Kowalski then left the ring and grabbed a microphone, not seeing Gomez sneak up behind him. Kowalski made a remark toward the female ring announcer, who went to slap him. However, Kowalski moved, and she ended up hitting Gomez instead. Kowalski knocked Gomez down with a hard right hook, then turned to Lewis.”
Kowalski: “Hey, I hit Pepper, you hit Pepper, he (Timber) hit Pepper, she hit Pepper. (turns to the crowd) Wouldn't you like to beat up Pepper too?”
They left ringside.
-----------------------------------------------------
Timber defeated Larry Sharpe with a piledriver. After the match, Killer Kowalski entered the ring with a microphone.
Kowalski: “Next week, I will defend my title against little Pepper, and to make things even, we shall fight with a ladder. I look forward to traveling to England again.”
Timber: “I wanna see Big Ben!”
Kowalski: “You see many big ben's there. A pity they have such tiny brains.”
Lewis: “Now behave, Walter, England does have James Bond.”
Kowalski: “Oh yes, Bond, with the dumbest villains in the world.”
Lewis: “Walter, that's not very nice. They're people too.”
Kowalski: “They've been subhuman since Churchill, but no matter, they can finally be around greatness when I arrive.”
-------------------------------------------------------
(British Invasion)
Killer Kowalski, Ed “Strangler” Lewis, and Timber appeared on a stage beside the entrance ramp. Kowalski and Lewis stood behind a table with shot glasses before them. Timber stood behind them. The table and glasses were decorated with the British flag.
Kowalski: “Here were are in merry old England! Now I believe I may have offended some of you with my comments last week. To show my regrets and respect for you, let us all stand for the British National Anthem.”
The fans all stood while Kowalski and and Lewis placed their hands on their hearts and looked to the British flag. Then on the speakers played the theme to Austin Powers. The fans booed while Lewis and Kowalski continued to stand at attention. When the song ended, both Kowalski and Lewis lifted their shot glasses to the crowd.
Kowalski: “Great people of Britain, I salute you!”
Kowalski drank from the glass and placed it, upside down, on the table.
Lewis: “Be careful, Walter. The people here find that gesture insulting.”
Kowalski: “What gesture?”
Lewis: “Placing a shot glass upside down on a table. It means '#$%& the Queen.'”
Kowalski: “It means, '#$%& the Queen?'”
Lewis: “It means, '#$%& the Queen.'”
Kowalski: “So, if I put my glass upside down on the table, like this (repeats his previous action), it means, '#$%& the Queen?'”
Lewis: “Yes, Walter, unfortunately, it does.”
Kowalski: “Well...(picks up the glass again and looks at it) It would take several more before that idea becomes appealing.”
Kowalski threw the shot glass over his shoulder and walked away. Lewis looked to the crowd, shrugged, and followed. Timber just followed them.
------------------------------------------------------
(After Defending his Title against Giant Baba at Season of Death)
Killer Kowalski: "Once again, I hold the Heavyweight Title, a title that has been held by many great men in this federation. I'd like to take a few moments to honor these former champions."
Ed Lewis: "That's very caring of you, Walter."
Kowalski: "I said, 'I'd like to.' I didn't say I would. Do you actually think I'd waste an iota of my moment of glory, dwelling on a myriad of losers? They're called' former champions' for a reason. No, I think I'd rather take this moment to honor only one Champion, the current one...myself. Thank you, thank you."
Unmatched Superiority: The Best of Killer Kowalski
Killer Kowalski, along with his adviser, Ed Strangler Lewis, rules the Shooters' All-star Grappling Alliance with an iron fist. He has faced every major star in SAGA, and he shows no signs of slowing down!
This DVD sets includes not only his best matches, but entertaining out-of-match segments as well. Watch as Kowalski defeats Richard Hutton in a tables match, then proceeds to visit him in the hospital to offer empathy. Marvel as he stands navel-to-eye with a midget and holds his ground. And watch in astonishment as he holds his ground against Giant Baba as he takes yet another step in breaking Baba's record for longest titles reign.
All this and more to honor the man who not only rules SAGA...he is a saga himself!
(Paid for by Gold Dust Trio Entertainment).
Matches:
Killer Kowalski vs. SAGA Champion Giant Baba
(Season of Death 2006)
Killer Kowalski competes in and wins Psychopath event.
(The Psychopath 2006)
Killer Kowalski vs. Richard Hutton
(January 2006)
Killer Kowalski vs. Richard Hutton, Tables Match
(August 2007)
Killer Kowalski vs. Pepper Gomez, Ladder Match
(British Invasion, 2007)
Killer Kowalski enters and wins Blood Rumble
(Fright Night, 2007)
World Champion Killer Kowalski vs. Pepper Gomez
(November, 2007)
World Champion Killer Kowalski vs. Giant Baba
(Season of Death, 2007)
World Champion Killer Kowalski vs. Frank Gotch
(Explosion 2009)
Segments:
--------------------------------------------
Bill Apter was in the back with Killer Kowalski and Ed “Strangler” Lewis.
Apter: “So, gentlemen, what have you been doing in the off-season?”
Lewis: “Training. We've pushed Kowalski to and beyond his limits, and now the federation better beware.”
Kowalski: “And as for those in charge of publicity, the ones who have been trying to say I'm from a city here so I can be 'Americanized,' all I have to say is Americanize this!”
Kowalski lowers the bottom part of his eyelid with one finger.
Lewis: “Walter, we are in America at the moment. Maybe you should show your great intellect by doing things their way.”
Kowalski: “Very well.” (flips off camera and laughs).
----------------------------------------------------------------------
SAGA Heavyweight Champion Killer Kowalski pinned Richard Hutton after a Kowalski Claw. After the match, Kowalski hit a claw slam on Hutton again. Pepper Gomez ran out, but Timber smashed him with his 2X4. Lewis locked Hutton in the Strangler's Headlock while Timber pounded on him. Kowalski left the ring and got a microphone.
Kowalski: “All right, stop...Stop! That's enough, release him now!”
A surprised Lewis and Timber let Hutton go. Kowalski walked up to Hutton and placed a hand on his shoulder.
Kowalski: “I just want you to know, Richard, that I Do know the meaning of mercy...I just choose not to show any. Carry on.”
Kowalski left the ring with Lewis while Timber pounded on Hutton some more.
------------------------------------------------------------
Tables Match:
Killer Kowalski vs. Richard Hutton
Hutton was accompanied to the ring by Pepper Gomez. The two got to the ring and set up a table outside the ring. Hutton then had a second table set up on top of the first. Hutton then entered the ring. Kowalski was accompanied by Ed “Strangler” and Timber. Kowalski got into the ring, and the bell rang.
Kowalski shoved Hutton, who charged forward with a hard punch. Kowalski shrugged off the punch and and proceeded to pound Hutton in the corner. He then locked Hutton in a stomach claw, lifted Hutton in the air, and sent him crashing through both tables.
Winner: Killer Kowalski.
Aftermath: Kowalski and Co. celebrated in the ring while Gomez called for EMT's. Hutton was strapped to a stretcher and slowly taken to the back. As Kowalski left the ring, he looked down at Hutton and laughed.
----------------------------------------------------
Richard Hutton was lying on a hospital bed, with one arm and leg in a sling. His body is bandaged in various places.
Nurse: “Mr. Hutton, someone's here to see you.”
Hutton: (weakly) “Good, send Pepper in.”
Killer Kowalski walked in instead. Hutton's eyes went wide.
Kowalski: “Good evening, Richard. My stars, you look like you've been buried in Egypt for years.”
Hutton: “What...do you want?”
Kowalski: “Why, I'm here to visit you, Richard. Why else would I be here? (takes a step closer; Hutton pulls back and cringes slightly) You know, you create some funny expressions when you're terrified and in pain. I wonder...”
Kowalski mock-lunges at Hutton, who pulls back and cringes.
Kowalski: “Wow, I never realized I had that effect on you. You know, you look so funny when you make those faces. I'm sorry...I don't mean to...(starts laughing out loud). You just look so...(starts laughing again, leaning on Hutton's leg that's on the sling. Hutton cries out). Oops, I apologize. I'll leave you now; I wouldn't want to cause you any more suffering, no matter how humorous you are.”
Kowalski walked out. Hutton breathed a sigh of relief. Suddenly, Kowalski ran in, roaring. Hutton screamed in terror, then cried out loudly as his whole body jerked. Kowalski had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.
Kowalski: “Thank you, Richard. You are so good at uplifting my mood. (leaves as Hutton whimpers).”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pepper Gomez vs. Timber.
Ed “Strangler” Lewis accompanied Timber to the Ring. Timber tried to brutalize Gomez, but Gomez kept out--maneuvering the larger man. Finally, Gomez shocked his opponent with a Mexican Cradle for the win.
Winner: Pepper Gomez by pinfall.
Aftermath: Gomez grabbed a microphone.
Gomez: “Killer Kowalski, what you did to my amigo last week was horrible, but what you did to him just days ago was insulting. I challenge you to a match in this ring, anywhere, anytime!”
Kowalski walked out, stopping to stand by Lewis and Timber. Lewis handed him a microphone.
Kowalski: “Pepper Gomez, do not blame me. It's not my fault your 'amigo' is so funny-looking when he suffers. But if you want to face me, we must be on equal ground. So I'll make our match-up even.”
Kowalski reached under the ring and grabbed a ladder. He stood it up next to the apron.
Kowalski: “There, now we will be able to look eye-to-eye.”
Gomez: “...I don't get it.”
Kowalski: “Simple, if I have to fight a midget, I want our match to be even.”
Lewis: “Be careful, Walter. We don't want to offend the midgets of the world. They might write in.”
Kowalski: “How can they reach the mailbox?”
Lewis: “Oh come now, Walter, this is the computer age. All they need is a booster seat and they can email their complaints in.”
Kowalski: “Then we shall see how many peers Pepper Gomez really-”
Gomez cut Kowalski off with a baseball kick into the ladder, sending it crashing into the three foes. Kowalski was up first, but Gomez leaped off the apron and dropped him with a flying punch. Gomez then took off to the back as a livid Kowalski helped Lewis and Timber to their feet.
------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------
Killer Kowalski, Ed “Strangler” Lewis, and Timber were in the ring.
Kowalski: “I've heard people say that wrestling dumbs people. Well, I'm here to change that by reading to you from a thesaurus. Let's see, I'll pick a word at random. Okay, 'Short'; tiny, miniature, minuscule, Pepper Gomez...well look at that! Pepper, you are famous and you never told us.”
Just then, a midget walked down to the ring and entered.
Midget: “Killer Kowalski, I work in the offices, and I don't appreciate you calling us midgets. We prefer to be called, 'little people.'”
Kowalski: “Sir, Pepper Gomez is 5'9”. He is a little person. You sir are a midget.”
Lewis: “Now now, Walter, we should respect them. After all, they've been called, 'God's Practical Joke.'”
Kowalski: “Really now? Well, I wonder...”
Kowalski kicked the midget in the groin. The guy flew a few feet in the air and came crashing down to the mat.”
Kowalski: “Well, what do you know...we salute you, sir.”
Suddenly, Pepper Gomez ran into the ring. He drop kicked Lewis and back body dropped Timber over the top rope. He charged at Kowalski, but Kowalski floored him with a clothesline. Kowalski then left the ring and grabbed a microphone, not seeing Gomez sneak up behind him. Kowalski made a remark toward the female ring announcer, who went to slap him. However, Kowalski moved, and she ended up hitting Gomez instead. Kowalski knocked Gomez down with a hard right hook, then turned to Lewis.”
Kowalski: “Hey, I hit Pepper, you hit Pepper, he (Timber) hit Pepper, she hit Pepper. (turns to the crowd) Wouldn't you like to beat up Pepper too?”
They left ringside.
-----------------------------------------------------
Timber defeated Larry Sharpe with a piledriver. After the match, Killer Kowalski entered the ring with a microphone.
Kowalski: “Next week, I will defend my title against little Pepper, and to make things even, we shall fight with a ladder. I look forward to traveling to England again.”
Timber: “I wanna see Big Ben!”
Kowalski: “You see many big ben's there. A pity they have such tiny brains.”
Lewis: “Now behave, Walter, England does have James Bond.”
Kowalski: “Oh yes, Bond, with the dumbest villains in the world.”
Lewis: “Walter, that's not very nice. They're people too.”
Kowalski: “They've been subhuman since Churchill, but no matter, they can finally be around greatness when I arrive.”
-------------------------------------------------------
(British Invasion)
Killer Kowalski, Ed “Strangler” Lewis, and Timber appeared on a stage beside the entrance ramp. Kowalski and Lewis stood behind a table with shot glasses before them. Timber stood behind them. The table and glasses were decorated with the British flag.
Kowalski: “Here were are in merry old England! Now I believe I may have offended some of you with my comments last week. To show my regrets and respect for you, let us all stand for the British National Anthem.”
The fans all stood while Kowalski and and Lewis placed their hands on their hearts and looked to the British flag. Then on the speakers played the theme to Austin Powers. The fans booed while Lewis and Kowalski continued to stand at attention. When the song ended, both Kowalski and Lewis lifted their shot glasses to the crowd.
Kowalski: “Great people of Britain, I salute you!”
Kowalski drank from the glass and placed it, upside down, on the table.
Lewis: “Be careful, Walter. The people here find that gesture insulting.”
Kowalski: “What gesture?”
Lewis: “Placing a shot glass upside down on a table. It means '#$%& the Queen.'”
Kowalski: “It means, '#$%& the Queen?'”
Lewis: “It means, '#$%& the Queen.'”
Kowalski: “So, if I put my glass upside down on the table, like this (repeats his previous action), it means, '#$%& the Queen?'”
Lewis: “Yes, Walter, unfortunately, it does.”
Kowalski: “Well...(picks up the glass again and looks at it) It would take several more before that idea becomes appealing.”
Kowalski threw the shot glass over his shoulder and walked away. Lewis looked to the crowd, shrugged, and followed. Timber just followed them.
------------------------------------------------------
(After Defending his Title against Giant Baba at Season of Death)
Killer Kowalski: "Once again, I hold the Heavyweight Title, a title that has been held by many great men in this federation. I'd like to take a few moments to honor these former champions."
Ed Lewis: "That's very caring of you, Walter."
Kowalski: "I said, 'I'd like to.' I didn't say I would. Do you actually think I'd waste an iota of my moment of glory, dwelling on a myriad of losers? They're called' former champions' for a reason. No, I think I'd rather take this moment to honor only one Champion, the current one...myself. Thank you, thank you."