W.O.R.S.T.

[cman]

Coming soon from the brilliant minds of Cman and Shane Sullivan

[Justin Case]

This could be very very good, or as the title suggest, the WORST thing on the internet!?! Lol

[cman]

It will be the best of the worst

[Shane Sullivan]

Well let's not get ahead of ourselves, Best of the W.O.R.S.T is a lofty goal considering there is a Vince Russo out in the universe.

[Shane Sullivan]

W.O.R.S.T. will at first be a story that will eventually work it's way to actual matches. Chris and I are going to try and run this fed sort of like Lucha Underground ran it's fed. Stories that drive matches. No match will be just a match to have a match. Everyone will have a reason for fighting the fights they are in. Mind you, they will be stupid reasons that may not make sense to the reader, but this isn't B.E.S.T, this is W.O.R.S.T. we aim to entertain, but will settle for disappointment on a grand scale, as long as your reading. The part you play in this traves..er federation will be that of the fan. You can play a roll of critic, little kid who loves one of the wrestlers, security guard trying to keep fans from getting autographs, or the silent majority that may or may not pop at the right or wrong time. Please join us on the exploration on when we put our worst foot forward, where might we land. Probably in the mouth of Demon Godsend, but hey not everything can come up daisies. Welcome to W.O.R.S.T. Wrestlers Of Regulus Superstar Tomfoolery. By Chris Foster and Shane Sullivan, we are sorry in advance.

Let us begin.

Chapter 1: All things come to pass, usually with gas.

Godsend is sitting on his throne. He taps his finger on the arm of his golden chair and looks down annoyed at two men kneeling before him. Both men are shaking and very afraid. Their eyes dart from side to side while looking down. Hoping against all hope that someone, anyone will save them.

“You know?...” Godsend begins to speak but is so annoyed he stops and looks at the ceiling of the gigantic room. He’s not really looking at anything, he is trying to just get his thoughts in order.

“You two had just one job….just one.” He again looks down at the two men that have somehow sunk even lower into the floor.

Godsend looks at Lady Godsend who smiles and shrugs her shoulders. Demon Godsend laughs as he takes a huge bite from the leg of some cooked person or beast. Godsend sighs and looks down at the two groveling mounds before him.

“Well? What do you have to say for yourself? Abroz? Dialectas?”

The more human in appearance of the two men, looks up slightly, he reaches up and moves some of his long white hair from his face, strands stick to his equally gray beard.

“Your Liege…”

“IT WAS RHETORICAL ABROZ!” Godsend yells in rage, the grey hair man tries to disappear into the floor boards.

“You have nothing to say….you had one stupid, tinnnnny little job, make sure Black Death goes through the entire galaxy and bring everyone into thrall. Simple. I could have sent a two year old Lady Godsend to do it, not only would she have done it faster….she wouldn’t have FAILED!!! Seriously, Abroz you dolt, you got yourself infected. Haven’t you ever heard that you don’t taste your own product?”

Godsend stands up and slowly walks down the stairs made of bones that leads to the two men who are trying very hard not to cry out in fear and soil themselves as he approaches.

“I don’t know what to do with you two..." Godsend puts his fingers up in quotes. "Game masters. Should I put you in the butt of the Neptunian Creeper? Yes! I think I will shrink you down to the size of a hemorrhoid and place you in full sentience….. into the anal cavity of….”

“My Lord?” Lady Godsend sweetly interrupts Godsend.

“….grrrrr What?! I’m in mid-rant here!”

“I know my love, but just a teeny tiny suggestion?”

Godsend rolls his eyes and waves his hand in a hurry up motion.

“Well, you have already placed at least three others for past…disappointments into the rear of that poor beast.”

Abroz and Dialectus look at each other in horror.

“I was thinking my dearest, that maybe, since they like playing games so much, how about we make the punishment a challenge. Say, the two of them have to start a fed in the Bleak Zone. We provide the talent. Each month they put on two shows for us. We decide which show was the best for the month. The winner gets….let’s say bonus money or a perk of some sort, I’ll leave that to your brilliant mind. Buuuuut, if they lose that month?” Lady Godsend smiles at Demon Godsend who is breaking off what looks like fingers from the chunk of meat and slurping them noisily down his mouth.

“Demon Godsend gets to eat something off of them. You know, till there is only one left. I leave the particulars to you my lord. As you do know best.”

Godsend looks off into space for a second then looks down at the two men.

“Of course, I do. So here is what will happen to you two failures. You will be sent to the bleak zone and I will lease out the Regulus Arena. It serves two hundred sentients, it will be up to you to fill that arena with the local inhabitants. You two disappointments will receive a team captain that I will appoint. Then you will have a draft of consisting of twenty rounds. I will provide a…talent pool that I see fit from across the galaxy and from any time period I choose. At the end of two weeks one of you will put on a show in my arena. Followed in another two weeks by the other. At the end of each month I will listen to the fan feedback if you even get any fans to come and then Lady Godsend and I will decide your fate. You will try to outdo each other and the one who makes me happy each month will be given a reward. The one who does not… well they will get a punishment that will make Demon Godsend very happy. So my two disappointments, do you wish to take up the challenge and entertain us at your peril or should I fit you for a Neptunian orifice?

Both men look up from the floor, eyes wide and in unison yell “Challenge!”.

“Good. Abroz you will receive the captain of your team first.”

Abroz looks up in anticipation. “Please be Endgame..Please be…”

Godsend smiles deviously. “Gordon G. Smack.”

Abroz jumps up, and waves his hands in desperation.

“My Lord! Please no! Not him. Anyone but him! He’s untenable, unruly and completely without skill! We will never…..”

“Silence!!”

Abroz shuts his mouth, tears are in his eyes. Dialectus on the other hand is smiling.

“Why are you smiling you simpleton?” Godsend smirks.

“Nobody is worse than Gordon G. Smack. I will rule this fed in no time at all.”

Godsend smiles and Dialectus takes a step back in fear.

“Really? Well that’s good, I like the spirit of competition. Your first pick is..Cephus O’…”

“NOOOOOO!!” Dialectus falls to his knees. Abroz, in mid sob, stops and slowly smiles.

“I agree to this arrangement my liege.” Abroz says, wiping tears from his face.

“I don’t! I want to live in Creepers colon! I choose that!” Dialectus says in a screaming sob.

“….Reilly.” Godsend looks at Dialectus annoyed at being interrupted.

“My decision is final there is no escape from your fate. Each of you will come with me to recruit your captains. Then once you are sent to your respective dressing rooms in the arena you will confer with your captains and choose your team.”

“I choose to be eaten for eternity!!” Dialectus screams.

“No…. your fate has been sealed! Stop sniveling like a child. You will now come with me to meet your captains.”

Godsend waves his hand and the two men disappear with him to a later time in our story.

“You are an evil woman.” Demon Godsend smiles.

“You say the nicest things.” Lady Godsend sits back in her golden throne with a menacing smirk on her face.

End of Chapter one:

[cman]

Chapter 2: It’s still Smacktalk if your groveling right?


After getting his butt thoroughly handed to him by Wolf at a GWF House show, Gordon G. Smack was back in the locker room upset with himself and trying to prepare for his next holocast of Smack Talk.

“This is getting really stupid, how am I supposed to win when I keep getting put in matches against those mangy mutts! I am not some pathetic undercard bum, I am the Holonet Champion! I will get Cephus to book Godsend on the next Smack Talk and get this crap straightened out”

Later on that night, Gordon was speaking with Cephus about the show. “Ok Cephus I know you can manage this being the not so brilliant producer you are but I want Godsend on as the next guest. I am sick of this supposed other worldly being ducking me and ignoring my calls for justice! So, get it done….and another thing, I want moon pies!” Before he can hang up Gordon is suddenly transported to another world leaving Cephus on the other end of the vid call confused.

“Who is this? Stop calling me! Hello?”

Gordon arrives and is some chamber. He looks to one side and sees Lady Godsend not so sweetly smiling and waving to him. On the other side Demon Godsend is happily chewing on the leg of some beast. Finally, in the center on his gold throne sits Godsend looking down at Gordon with a sneer on his face.

“Why hello there Gordon, it has been brought to my attention that you wanted to speak to me. I also heard you say some not so kind things about me ducking you?”

“Um did I say that? My liege you know my mouth tends to run away with me sometimes, but ducking me was never something you would do.” Gordon says quickly trying to get out of this situation.

“OF COURSE I WOULDN’T DUCK YOU, I AM GODSEND I DUCK NO ONE!” Godsend gets his emotions under control as Lady Godsend laughs to herself knowing what is about to happen.

“Now the reason I had you brought here Fool, is because I have been watching you very closely and I must say I have not been impressed. In fact, you are downright embarrassing to watch in the ring. It pains me to say this but Lady Godsend is a much better wrestler than you.”

“Now wait just a minute, that is not fair to compare me to Lady Godsend, it….I mean she….whatever you are is no where near as good as me in the ring. I am the Holonet Champion for pete sake!”

Godsend laughs and Gordon’s bowels start to loosen. “Oh yes you are a made-up champion that never defends the title… you are AMAZING!”
Lady Godsend laughs and then interrupts Godsend.

“Sire, if I may interject?”

“Again woman?” Godsend waves his hands in the go-ahead motion.

“Well my lord, if Mr. Smack here does not get his act together, and go along with your plan, then I say you stuff him into the anal orifice of that Creeper, I am fairly positive it has plenty of room.”

Gordon’s mouth falls open in shock as puts together what Lady Godsend has just said.
“Woah, Woah, Woah, hold on a second! I have no idea what you are talking about, but I want no part of any orifice, anal or otherwise of any Creeper, as a matter of fact I am totally open to your plan sir!”

Godsend claps his hands together.
“Perfect, then this is what is going to happen, yourself and your equally stupid friend Cephus will be joining a new promotion headed up by those two dolts Abroz and Dialectas.”

The two men are silent and looking down in shame and deep remorse for agreeing to this federation.
“I will be recruiting forty wrestlers to hold a draft with, you and Cephus will be team captains so to speak. It will be your job to do whatever your owner tells you to do. Recruit fans, set up matches, and ultimately win. Abroz I am sure will give you the particulars on what this fed will entail.

Gordon chokes on his spit and jumps up.
“WHAT? Why Abroz? He is the worst! His communication skills are horrendous, and he won’t listen to anything I have to say! Not to mention one of the worst guests I have ever had on my show!

Abroz looks up. “I have never been on your show.”

“See! Worst guest ever! You know what forget this garbage, I would much rather live in Creepers bung hole for all of eternity!”

“SILENCE DREGG! My decision is final, now take the hand of Abroz and be gone from my sight or so help me I will let Demon Godsend eat you from toes to nose!”

Abroz quickly runs over and before Gordon can protest grabs his hand and the two men disappear to a later chapter in our story.

“Dialectus. I have located your team captain. Please try and compose yourself your embarrassing me with all the crying.”
“I don’t wanna…”

The two men disappear and the sound of a thousand scream of torment fade with them.

[Shane Sullivan]

Chapter 3: In the face of a god, does one cry or eat pie?

Cephus O’Reilly self-styled super genius sits in a secluded booth, in an old café outside of Tucumcari New Mexico with his lady love Sadie. Seven plates of food lay in partially eaten piles in front of Cephus. Sadie has a small salad with vinaigrette dressing in front of her.

“Seriously Sadie?”

Sadie in her demure yellow suit and skirt has lost thirty pounds on the keto diet and is very proud of her new life style. She looks down at her plate of salad, then up at Cephus who has shoved a spoonful of mash potatoes in his mouth.

“Not all of us have super high metabolisms Cephus.”

Cephus shrugs as a server brings him another plate filled with two pieces of apple pie.

“Hey you told the Cephus to help you if you veer of track. That’s a lot of dressing is all.”

Sadie flips her table knife and hits Cephus’s knuckle with the handle.

“Ow! Sadie! That’s the Cephus’s punching hand! You could have ended the Cephus’s career right there.”

Sadie takes a fork full of salad and puts it in her mouth smiling as Cephus holds his hand in mock pain.

“That was almost mean.” Cephus smiles as he takes a bite of cheese sandwich. “Haff. Did you geff the Cephus a match against Ursa Magor?

Sadie puts down her fork and looks at Cephus quizzically. “Babe, Ursa Major has been retired for eighteen years. He’s a teacher now, I don’t think he even wrestles anymore.”

“Cephus doesn’t care, nobody looks at the Cephus like he looked at the Cephus without a good ole fashion knuckle sandwich.”

“Baby…it was a poster.”

“Doesn’t matter, it was his intent to slander the Cephus with his eyes.”

“He was wearing glasses.”

“The Cephus can see into his soul, he wants to fight the Cephus and Cephus never ever backs down from a challenge.”

Loud terrifying screams permeate the café. Sadie jumps and looks around in fear. Cephus takes another bite of potatoes and smiles in satisfaction.

Sadie looks around the café to try an identify where the screams are coming from, when a very good-looking blond man in an open shirt followed by a grey alien materialize right in front of the table. Sadie jumps back in her booth seat. Cephus grabs a chicken leg and takes a bite.

“You should really try this chicken Love, it is amazing.”

Sadie reaches over, never taking her eyes of the two men and squeezes Cephus’s hand hard. He looks up at her mildly annoyed then notices she is not looking at him.

“Cephus O’Reilly! You are in the presence of a god!”

Cephus looks over at the two men up and down slowly. Unimpressed he brings up a chicken leg and strips it of the meat down to the bone in a loud slurp.

“That must be really great…can you tell the waitress to bring me another round of this chicken?”

The gray alien shakes his head in disgust.

“See Godsend, my liege, he is the worst, he will be unable to help me with anything.”

The good-looking man smiles a beautiful smile with no joy.

“Exactly why he’s your first pick Dialectus.”

“No autographs till the Cephus is done eatin’ kids.” Cephus drops the bone on a plate and grabs his water cup.

“Cephus, I don’t think they are looking for autographs.” Sadie says fearfully.

“No pictures, till the Ceph….”

“Silence!” Godsend waves his hand and Cephus’s mouth disappears. Cephus still tries to take a drink of water and is annoyed he doesn’t have a mouth. Water spills down his chest. He looks at Sadie and motions in the ‘what the hell I just spilled water down my shirt motion’. Sadie has not taken her eyes off Godsend.

“Buffoon. You have been chosen to be this man’s team captain. Now get up and come with me, I demand it!” Godsend puffs out his chest.

Cephus grabs a forkful of apple pie, then remember he doesn’t have a mouth an looks at Godsend angrily. Cephus points to where his mouth used to be, points at the food then makes a writing motion while shaking his head no.

Godsend looks incredulously at Dialectus. “Does he not know who I am?”

“I’m afraid not my liege, he has been rumored to have had major brain damage.”

Sadie puts down her fork and looks at the two men, she is afraid but defiant.

“Cephus does not work for free, nor does he answer well to threats.”

Godsend puts his hand to his forehead, then waves his hand. Cephus’s mouth appears, soon as it does, Cephus puts the fork of apple pie in his mouth and slowly chews. “Noff aufographs…”

Godsend looks at Sadie. He smiles. “So, are you his manager?”

“Yes.”

“Look here is what is going to happen. Cephus is the new team captain of Dialectus’s team in a brand-new federation. He will captain nineteen other wrestlers and win tons of championships and prizes. More money than he has ever seen, more food than even he can eat.” Godsend looks at the many plates on the table in disgust.

“The Cephus has seen lots of money. Like thousands even.” Cephus takes another spoon full of mashed potatoes.

“This buffoon.” Godsend says under his breath and then composes himself.. “The other captain Gordon G…..”

Cephus stands up and stares into the face of Godsend angrily. “What did you just say god boy?”

Godsend seethes and fire bristles around his head and his eyes light up in flame. “I said, mortal. That Gordon G. Sm…”

“The Cephus is in. Cephus will take that man’s Holo-vid Championship belt and rule the world!”

“Holo-net dear.” Sadie corrects Cephus.

“Yeah….wait what? Really?..Holo-Net? Huh…anyway The Cephus wants that belt.”

Godsend smiles and grabs Dialectus and pulls him towards Cephus.

“Meet your team captain, now take his hand and be gone, I grow weary of this one.”

Dialectus sighs and puts his head down in shame, slowly he reaches for Cephus’s hand. Cephus grabs Sadie by the hand and grabs Dialectus by his collar. “Let’s get this done Diawhatsus, championships don’t win themselves.”

All three disappear in a puff of smoke. The waitress approaches Godsend. “Your bill sir.”

Godsend looks at the bill, sees the total and screams in rage.

“That doesn’t include tip sir.” The waitress says sweetly.

End of Chapter three.

[Shane Sullivan]

Chapter Four: The Ants go marching in two by two…where nobody knows.

Four men and one woman stare at each other. Two of the men are seething in anger, they stare at each with absolute malice.

“We get to pick first!” Gordon yells at Cephus.

“No, we get to pick first!” Cephus yells back at Gordon.

Abroz and Dialectus remain silent and just watch the two men argue.

“Boys, you two have been arguing for twenty minutes. We need to come up with a new plan.” Sadie puts her purse down on a small table. “How about you two play Rock Paper Scissors, best two out of three wins.”

“What?! Hell no, I know that Cephus was a fifteen-time Roshambo champion. That is not fair.” Gordon crosses his arms in anger.

“Chicken.” Cephus goads Gordon.

“It has already been decided. Dialectus will pick first since I got the lesser of two evils as team Cap….” Abroz interrupts.

“IN YOUR FACE GORDO!!” Cephus jumps up and does a slightly disturbing dance interrupting Abroz.

"IT'S GORDON, CEPHASS!" Gordon walks to the other side of the room and sulks.

Abroz smiles at Dialectus. “You’re up my old friend.”

Dialectus looks over Cephus’s shoulder who is dancing in his chair. He looks over the fifty odd names on the paper quickly. Most everyone is terrible on the list. He’s about to give up when he spots four names on the list that could possibly help him stay alive and possibly not get eaten.

“Cephus we will pick that wrestler.” Dialectus points at a name on the paper.

“What?! That guy sucks. We should pick Ursa…..”

“Imbecile. Pick this one. Right here!” Dialectus points at the paper and emphasizes each word with a poke at the paper.

“Fine. We pick Urs….” Dialectus slaps Cephus in the head. “..ow! Dude! ..Fine we pick Mayham.”

Abroz smiles as he whispers in Gordon’s ear.”

Gordon sits up straight and smiles evilly at Cephus. “We pick… Mrs. Sadie O’Reilly.”

Cephus looking at the paper doesn’t hear Gordon. “Should we pick this guy Diagrayguy?”

Dialectus nods.

“Ok, we pick Bis….”

“CEPHUS!” Sadie hits Cephus with her bag, knocking him from his chair.

“What the hell Sadie!!” Cephus stands up holding his arm.

“He picked me!” Sadie stomps her foot.

Cephus looks at Abroz and Gordon then at Sadie. “She can’t even wrestle. That was stupid. She’ll lose every match.”

Sadie whacks Cephus again, knocking him to the ground again.,

“Sadie stop it, you’re hurting the Cephus a tiny bit.”

"She doesn’t have to wrestle, Sadie will be our ring card girl, so eat that pal!" Gordon laughs and points at Cephus.

“Cephus!” Sadie starts spinning her purse.

“Grrr….Gordon.”

“Yeeesssss. Cephus.” Gordon looks down innocently.

“We would like to trade our first pick Mayhem for Sadie.”

“Throw in a box of Moon Pies and you have a deal.”

“WHAT!!?? She’s not…..” Sadie cracks him again. Cephus looks up from the floor looking up at an angry Sadie. “Deal.”

“Fantastic. With our third pick we pick Sir Ender.” Gordon says quickly getting in his favorite.

“NO, YOU IDIOT!” Abroz grabs the paper from Gordon.

……..After fifteen hours of fighting and crying, the list of forty wrestler had been compiled.

Abroz’s Team:
Captain: Gordon G. Smack

1. Mayhem (Received from Dialectus)
2. Sir Ender
3. Red Talon
4. Hegemony
5. Nemean
6. The Guardsman
7. Blue Chip
8. Mutant
9. Chet Dudebro
10. Brown Starfish
11. Beer League
12. Powerslam
13. Mimic
14. Tortalis
15. Silvar
16. Rama
17. Tano
18. Murtak
19. Anatomy
20. Shell Shocker

Dialectus’s Team
Captain: Cephus O’ Reilly

1. Sadie O’ Reilly (Traded for Mayhem)
2. Bishop Hell
3. Eradicator
4. Creeper
5. Massive
6. Huge
7. Black hole bart
8. Astro turk
9. Son of Ram
10. Antak
11. Duck Boy
12. Dark Star Creature
13. Mass
14. Pollux
15. Taurine
16. Romulus
17. Gila
18. Torpor
19. Zouave
20. Eagle

Everyone is looking at the lists when screams fill the room. Godsend arrives and steps up to the five.

“Congratulations, you have succeeded in fulfilling my first task, but as I expected you morons messed it up. First of all Sadie was not on the list.”

“Ha! CHEATERS!!!” Cephus yells at Gordon.

"That is Mr. Holo-Net Champion to you." Gordon sneers at Cephus all happy with himself.

"The Cephus is going to so take that belt off you and then take a bath and sing to it all the while......."

“Silence! Since you are all stupid, Sadie will be replaced with Ursa Major.” Godsend waves his hand and the list changes in everyone's hands.

“Well, he isn’t too bad.” Dialectus says.

“The Cephus is going to punch him in the face for looking at the Cephus.” Cephus puts on his sunglasses.

“Sweetie it was a poster.” Sadie puts her hand on Cephus’s shoulder.

“So would like to meet your wrestlers?” Godsend smiles.


“Yes!” All four men say in unison.

A cloud appears and a Animen pigman dressed like Aethran arrives followed with Bishop Hell, that is very haggard and tired looking. Other Wrestlers show up behind them all of them jobbers. Ursa Major who is very young looks around smiling like a loon. Abroz and Dialectus’s faces fall as they realize they been given the Worst wrestlers in history. Dialectus and Abroz sigh as the fix is in. Nobody on this list will be any good.

“Abroz, you have the first event, please disappoint me, we are low on food to feed Demon Godsend. See you soon disappointments!” Godsend disappears to horrid screams.”

“Fuc…..” Abroz puts his head in his hands. Dialectus sits down on the floor and pouts.

“We are so going to win!” Cephus yells at Gordon who is looking in awe at Mayham’s gladiator get up.”

"The hell ARE you?" Gordon facepalms and shakes his head.

End of Chapter.

[cman]

Sorry this is so late but here is my first show. Enjoy


WORST Show In The Galaxy
01.01.2135 from Regulus Arena

- Gordon and Abroz speak -
Sometime before the start of the first show for Gordon and Abroz they meet to talk things over.

A: "So is everything ready? Is everything in place? This is my body on the line you know, if we lose to Cephus and Dialectus I am the one that gets eaten by Demon Godsend."

GGS: "Yes Abby you have nothing to worry about, everything is set and perfect, we will not lose. Now about the referee situation...."

A: "My name is Abroz you dolt, and yes I have a list of refs approved by Godsend, here take a look."

Gordon looks over the list and goes through a list of emotions, from bewilderment to anger to happy. GGS: "Cuddly Claw? How is that supposed to be an effective ref when he is sleeping all the time? Really Cosmos is a ref too? YES!"

A: "Yeah, now can we please get going, I am itching to destroy those two idiots."

- Opening -
Crappy music and graphics start playing and the camera pans around a very empty Regulus Arena save for two fans in the front row doing their best to cheer and be loud. Then the camera focuses on the announce desk where Gordon and Abroz are on commentary.

GGS: "Welcome everybody to the Regulus Arena, and welcome to the WORST Show In The Galaxy! I am your host with the most Gordon G. Smack, alongside the ever boring Abroz and we are in front of a raccus crowd of....2 people.. Abby what the hell? You do realize if we lose this month you are the full course meal for Demon Godsend right?"

A: "Shut up, this is not my fault, if you had gotten the team together and pounded the proverbial pavement like I TOLD you too then this place would be full."

GGS: "Excuse me? I did everything in my power to get this wretched place full of fans, so this is all on you. Whatever lets just get this show on the road."

A: "Before we get to our first match, I feel the need to explain that I have started a Tournament for the W.O.R.S.T. championship, and the first couple of first round matches are tonight."

GGS: "You did WHAT!?!? Why you son of a....."

- Singles -
Hegemony vs. Mutant
Mutant defeated Hegemony with a TEMPLE GRINDER at 6:09
Match Rating: 0.10
Match Notes: Hegemony had no idea what to make of Mutant, so he tried to take the fight to the weird creature. Mutant though was having none of that and put Hege on the back foot rather quickly. GGS: "This is a first round tournament match? For the love of pete Abroz, this is horrible." A: "Well from the looks of things Mutant did what he was supposed to do and finished Hegemony off with TEMPLE GRINDER to move on so there!"

- Singles -
Murtak vs. Red Talon
This match ended in a draw (Time limit draw due to referee Cuddly Claw falling asleep) at 15:00
Match Notes: This match seemed to last forever. Cuddly Claw was the assigned ref, and started doing a good job then right in the middle of the match he just disappeared. Murtak and Red Talon just kept on keeping on before finally the bell rang to signal the 15 minute time limit. Eventually the camera panned to the announce table to find Gordon fast asleep with his head resting on top of Cuddly Claw who was sprawled out on top of the table sleeping himself. Abroz finally smacks Gordon to wake him up.

A: SMACK "Will you wake up we have a show to do!"

GGS: "Huh, what the heck happened? Why am I sleeping on this stupid bear! Get out of here you idiot, go sleep somewhere else1" Gordon kicks Claw off the table who just falls to the ground sound asleep.

- Interview between The Guardsman and Mmic -
GGS: "Anyway lets go to the back where...seriously, The Guardsman will interview Mimic? Oh this will be good."

Guardsman is shown with a mic in hand and he appears to be yelling but all that comes out are squeaks. Then Mimic comes into frame and Guardsman extends the mic to Mimic who just looks at it and stands there. Guardsman utters more squeaks, and appears to get frustrated with Mimic not answering and finally storms off as Mimic cocks his head to the side wondering what happened.

GGS: "The hell did I just see? I have no words, but I guess that is our main event? Please help me.' A: "There is no help for you Gordo." GGS: "Its GORDON!!"

- Singles -
Blue Chip vs. Sir Ender
Blue Chip defeated Sir Ender with a CETUS SUPLEX at 1:36
Match Rating: 0.00
Match Notes: 1 and a half minutes, that was all it took for Blue Chip to finish Sir Ender off with a CETUS SUPLEX.

A: "Well that was certainly...something."

GGS: "Yeah that was something alright, something horrendous. Thank god MY match is up next."

A: "What, your match isnt until next month!"

GGS: "Oh but I changed things myself, two can play your game Abby." A: "Its ABROZ!"

- Singles -
Mayham vs. Gordon G. Smack
Gordon G. Smack defeated Mayham with a Pinfall with foot on chest. at 0:15
Match Notes: One Mayham and Gordon got in the ring and the bell rang Mayham fell onto his back and Gordon put his foot on Mayham as ref Cosmos counted the three.

A: "Really, this is your game Smack. Well I wont allow it, this will be your last win."

- Singles -
Mimic vs. The Guardsman
Mimic defeated The Guardsman with a flying cross body block at 2:27
Match Rating: 0.00
Match Notes: The big bad Guardsman fell victim to the crafty Mimic. Guardsman did his best to put down the speedy Mime, but Mimic was too fast and eventually climbed to the top and when Guardsman turned around Mimic flew off with a perfect flying cross body block that managed to put Guardsman down and Mimic got the three count.

GGS: "Really? That supposed big bad moron actually lost to Mimic? What am I in the twilight Zone?"

A: "No unfortunately we are in the bleak zone."

- Closing -
"GGS: "Well that was certainly a show. A god awful show, but still a show. With any luck Cephus and Dialectus will put on a way worse show than us and next month I will be sitting beside Abroz that has not been eaten."

A: "For your sake and mine, that had better be true."

GGS: "Oh dont worry Abby, Cephus is a total moron, there is no way he will outdo me. We will see you next month People, remember Keep on Smacking!"

Overall Card Rating: 0.03

[on_the_edge]

Cephus has the better team.

For the record I will not be attending any of the shows. At least not inside. I plan to be outside picketing this abomination in hopes of getting it canceled to protect the kids.