Post by PermanentlyHip on May 2, 2008 0:50:12 GMT -5
Backstage at a taping of War Zone, GWF announcer and Titan legend DragonMaster sits down with controversial newcomer…'ITALIAN BUZZSAW' ERIC WOODEN!!!!
DM: Eric….you have made some outlandish statements about the GWF. You’ve said that the company is boring and unoriginal. Yet, you have worked very hard to become a part of the very company you say you despise. Maybe you can tell the fans something about yourself so they can understand your reasoning?
WOODEN: Well, I was often bored and uninterested in my high school classes…maybe because I had an IQ of 145! So I decided to use my time to develop the Wrestling Wars. I played out angles and programs that were nearly 15 years ahead of their time like people getting hit by genetic mutations, anti-heroes, and multi-faceted cage matches. I mean, when you let a high schooler with an IQ of over 175 unleash the full thrust of his throbbing imagination, the result is a creative juggernaut that delivers the most original and fascinating world of wrestling ever created. Ever.
DM: Mmmmm…OK. So what brought you to the GWF?
WOODEN: Frankly, I was sick and tired of having to choose between some absurd beer and pretzel company like the GWF or a low rent home for has-beens like the CPC. Some wrestling companies have made a living by leeching off the industry and producing crap like this for years. Not me. I am bringing the fans something REALISTIC and EXCITING based on the entertainment they know and love.
Like me for example…how can the fans not love a ruthless technical wrestler like me ‘The Italian Buzzsaw’ Eric Wooden?
DM: Yes…that reminds me…why do you call yourself the Italian Buzzsaw?
WOODEN: What do you mean?
DM: Well, your costume looks like something out of Earth’s medieval era. And forgive me for saying, but you don’t really look Italian….and your names aren’t exactly Italian sounding so why would you create a character for yourself called the Italian Buzzsaw if…
WOODEN: I LOVE PING PONG!!!
DM: Excuse me?
WOODEN: Table tennis. With little paddles. Ping pong. I love it. Back on Earth, I often fine-tuned my massive intellect by playing hours of Ping Pong..
DM: Seriously?
WOODEN: Seriously.
DM:
WOODEN: !!!
(actual photo of Byron Risner, creator of Wrestling Wars and Ping Pong Master)
DM:
…..WOODEN: Anyways….the point I was making is that I have come to the GWF, along with my cohorts, to introduce a whole new era of wrestling. If you’re looking for a goofy insect-like wrestler, an animalistic humanoid, a robot fighter, or some guy from Mars with pants, then you’re out of luck here. We don’t have wrestlers named ‘Tough’ Joe, or ‘Bad’ John either. These ridiculous gimmicks don’t cut it in the WW. If you like kick-ass, no-nonsense anti-heroes like Superbandit, the ruthless technical warrior Eric Wooden, or a vampire bent on destruction named Bosferatu...
DM: Wait…you’re making fun of established GWF stars but one of your guys is named Bosferatu…?
WOODEN: ENOUGH!!!!! I have brought Wrestling Wars here to introduce a brand new …um, brand..of wrestling to GWF fans. We’re totally different in every way!!!
DM: You guys sort of seem like cheap knock offs…
WOODEN: F**K YOU!!! WE ARE WRESTLING WARS…AND WE’RRRRRRREEEE TAKING OOOOVER!!!!
COMING SOON...TO A GALACTICON NEAR YOU!!!!!
