THE U!

[Sickman]

Card #26

Impossible Tournament for the Leader Of The Pack Trophy

Bracket one: Two time reigning champ Pandemonium, Jack Rabbid, Chuck The Roo, Markhor

Pandemonium vs Chuck The Roo: Upset city as Chuck The Roo absolutely dominates the big Panda. Repeated “pick up and slam”s and then a “knockout punch” for the victory.

Chuck The Roo vs Markhor: Second upset in a row as Markhor uses “PROXIMATE CAUSE” to down the Roo.

Chuck The Roo vs Jack Rabbid: Chuck losses two in a row after his masterful victory over Pandamonium. “HARE STOMP” for the win.

Pandemonium vs Markhor: Pandamonium is on the wrong end again, “flying pounce” by Markhor for the win. Assures Pandamonium is out.

Pandamonium vs Jack Rabbid: Pandamonium goes 0-3!! “Jackrabbit Moonsault” for the victory.

Jack Rabbid vs Markhor: Winner advances. Spd vs pwr. Spd wins. Jack Rabbid wins via “Andromeda Drop”.

Jack Rabbid wins Bracket One. Assured of a new LOTP Trophy Winner.

**Promotors note** I just drew 16 cards at random. I could not have put together 4 cards that would generate that result. Shocked.

Bracket Two: Powerslam, Cernunnos, Chilly Fu, Trash Animan

Cernunnos vs Powerslam: Powerslam is pretty dominate, finishing it with a “FULL POWERSLAM”.

Chilli Fu vs Cernunnos: Cernunnos with a huge win over the martial arts master. “Turnbuckle choke slam” for the victory.

Cernunnos vs Trash Animan: Back to back wins for Cernunnos puts him in the driver seat. “EXISTENCE IS FUTILE” for the win.

Powerslam vs Trash Animan: Both powerhouses connected on big shots. Trash Animan was able to survive when he powerbombed Powerslam on the concrete floor leading to a countout victory.

Chilly Fu vs Powerslam: Chilly Fu with the “CHILLY CHOP SUEY” for the win.

Chilly Fu vs Trash Animan: Chilly Fu with another “CHILLY CHOP SUEY” for the win.

Cernunnos and Chilly Fu were both 2-1 but because of Cernunnos victory over Chilly Fu, Cernunnos advances.

Bracket 3: Tusk, Tortalis, Cuddley Claw, Ram Jam

Ram Jam vs Tusk: Tusk makes quick work of the ram with “BONECRUSHER”.

Tortalis vs Tusk: Tortalis grabs Tusk in a small package for the upset win.

Ram Jam vs Tortalis: Tortalis makes it two in a row with a “FLYING SHELL SENTON” for the win.

Ram Jam vs Cuddley Claw: Cuddley Claw fell asleep and Ram Jam took advantage and pinned him

Cuddley Claw vs Tortalis: Cuddley Claw comes back from nappy time and hits the “619 Koala Kick” for the victory.

Tusk vs Cuddley Claw: If Tusk wins, Tortalis advances. If CC wins, he advances. Tusk wins via the “BONECRUSHER” spoiling CC’s chances of going on. Tortalis advances.

Bracket 4: Umagapotamus, Bullet, Razor Sharp, Harris

Umagapotamus vs Harris: Harris wins when Umagapotamus goes too far outside the ring.

Harris vs Bullet: Harris makes it two in a row when he nails Bullet with a “running powerbomb” for the pin.

Razor Sharp vs Bullet: Bullet hit “BULLETPROOF” twice but Razor Sharp was able to kick out. Razor Sharp then threw Bullet out of the ring and nailed a huge powerbomb. Bullet could not return before the countout.

Harris vs Razor Sharp: Harris dominates Razor Sharp. He goes for “GOAL!” but misses. He regains momentum and goes for “GOAL!” again, this time hitting for the win. Harris wins all three matches for the sweep and the winner of this bracket.

Championship Bracket: Jack Rabbid, Cernunnos, Tortalis, Harris

Tortalis vs Harris: Tortalis continues his impressive run, hitting Harris with the “FLYING SHELL SENTON”.

Harris vs Jack Rabbid: Incredible match. Multiple reversals from both competitors. Jack Rabbid was able to gain a pin following the “Andromeda Drop”.

Jack Rabbid vs Cernunnos: Cernunnos is victorious via a “turnbuckle choke slam”

Cernunnos vs Harris: Harris goes 0-3 as Cernunnos gains the victory following a “flying backbreaker”.

Tortalis vs Jack Rabbid: Jack Rabbid gains the victory with a “HARE STOMP”.

Cernunnos vs Tortalis: Winner is the Leader of the Pack Champion. Tortalis does the unthinkable, but then again, this whole impossible tournament was unthinkable. Tortalis comes off the ropes and nails a cross body for the 1-2-3! Tortalis is the LOTP winner.

[Sickman]

Card #27

A great card this evening. Speed Zone Champ Blue Tornado goes against Shitake Jr. in a non title match. Mr. Vega and Illustrious bring their feud to the Speed Zone. And Morbid make his SZ debut; next!

Morbid vs Undercover Alien: Morbid is dominant in his debut going up top multiple times, finally winning with a crossbody from the top.

La Vuelta vs Andromeda Dragon: La Vuelta locks on the “CHOKE TRASERO de DESNUDO” but Dragon gets free. La Vuelta locks it in again and Dragon taps.

“This is Todd Grisham. I’m here with Chalupacabra. Chalupa, you still have not answered the questions concerning your involvement with the Masked Assassins.”

Chalupacabra: “I don’t know what you are talking about. That was an imposter.”

Grisham: Do you have any proof?”

Chalupacabra: “Other than my word; no”

Mr. Vega vs Illustrious: Mr Vega makes it two in a row against his nemesis. “LET IT RIDE” for the win.

Dread Pirate vs Mike Quakenbush: The Dread Pirate is dominant and “DEAD MAN’S CHEST” for the win.

Grisham: “I am here with the Speed Zone Champion, Blue Tornado. BT, you have a non title match this evening against Shittake Jr. How are you feeling champ?”

Blue Tornado: “I feel good Todd. I will wrestle on every card. I’m a fighting champion and if anyone happens to beat me, they will get a title shot on the very next card.”

Torq vs Chronoking: Torq made it to the finals but he could not get past the Tornado. Chronoking was beat by Blue Tornado in the semis. Torq shows why he has had two championship matches as he uses consecutive “TORQ-SAULT BOMB”s for the victory.

Blue Tornado ( C) vs Shittake Jr.: Non title match. “jumping roundhouse kick” followed by “MUSHROOM DRIVER” and Shittake Jr. wins in two moves. Blue Tornado gets up and looks disgusted but he extends his hand and Shittake Jr. shake hands! The two will face next month for the Speed Zone Title.

[Sickman]

Card #28

Promoters note: I am changing the format of my UFZ Shows. I will be using the 5 minute three round format for matches and five rounds for the Title matches.

Mike Goldberg: “Welcome to UFZ 3. I’m Mike Goldberg and this is Joe Rogan. An exciting show this evening as Dr. Payne defends his title against Virus.”

Rogan: “I feel like Virus has a very good chance at defeating Dr. Payne this evening.”

Stryker vs Pullos: Stryker making his UFZ debut tonight. Pullos spoils the debut. He locks on the “CHICKEN CHOKE” and forces Stryker to tap out at 1:18 in the first round.

Castaway vs Pi: Round One: Castaway got the better of the round as he stayed on offense the better part of the five minutes. Round Two: All Castaway; he was on Pi from the beginning. Round Three: Incredible comeback by Pi. It took a second “TRANSCENDENTAL PLANE” but Pi did it.

Totalis vs Ripper: Round One: Totalis is dominant winning with “FINAL ROUND” at 2:48 in round one.

Rogan: “Totalis looked like the fighter we all know him to be.”

La Vuelta vs Mad One: Round one: La Vuelta blasts The Mad One with a “right hook” and then locks on “CHOKE TRASERO de DESNUDO” for the win at 3:37 of the first round.

Rogan: “La Vuelta is on a great run. He may be in for a title shot very soon.”

UFZ Title Match
Dr. Payne vs Virus: Round One: Virus starts out in control but Dr. Payne reverses. Payne works over Virus and locks in a “kimura” but Virus gets free. Virus takes over and hits “CHAOS THEORY” but Payne breaks free. Then “PANDEMIC” and Payne again breaks free. The bell rings for the end of the round. Round Two: At 3:40, Dr. Payne picked up and slammed Virus down and then caught him with a right that knocked Virus out. Dr. Payne retains the UFZ Title.

[Sickman]

Card #29

Danger Zone

Sudden Death Championship:
Achilles (c ) vs : The randomizer goes through the motions and stops on Tiberius Cota. Achilles will not relinquish the Sudden Death Championship. “Clash of the Titans” for the victory.

Varsity is in the ring: “I’d like to beg your indulgence for a moment. I’m Varsity and I’m here to clean up this wretched place. The wrestling world has no use for the filth that goes on in this federation. So this challenge goes to anyone in the back that wants to get the technical beating they deserve.”

The lights go out. A few seconds pass when suddenly a flame in the form of a bird appears seemingly out of thin air above the ring. When the lights come back on, standing in the ring is The Crow!!

Varsity vs Crow: Both guys were bloodied in the first minute just from what Crow did. Varsity, seizing an opportunity, albeit hypocritically; grabs a golf club from the trash can of weapons and breaks it over Crow’s back. Then hits “BY THE BOOK” for the victory.

King of Hardcore vs Astro Creep: King of Hardcore gains control, hits “HARDCORE DECREE” and that’s it folks!

Hardcore Jim Steel vs Necro Butcher of Aethra: Hardcore Jim Steel is victorious after a “big leg drop”.

Crooked Heels vs Taste of Ink: Before the match, “Devious” Scott DeVille talks about how he should be next in line to take on Abattoir for the Danger Zone Championship. As the match starts, DZ Champion Abattoir makes his way out. Sledgend was absolutely destroyed. Not able to make a tag, Hellstone and DeVille had there way with the wrestler from Orion. Deville put him away after grinding a barbed wire baseball bat on his skull and then using it to drop an elbow on him.

Torn vs Grash: Both wrestlers were busted open. Grash was able to get the better of the two and after a second “STEEL BELTING”, Grash grabs the win.

[Sickman]

Card #29

Honey Bunny vs Nemesis: A back and forth match that neither could get significant control of. Finally just seconds before the 15 minute time limit, Honey Bunny delivered a “HONEY BUNNY POWERBOMB” for the victory.

Sabre and Princess Persephone are backstage. Sabre: “We are so sick of the goody two shoes at the top in this fed. Irish Bratz and Andrea, we can beat you and we are here to challenge you to a tag match here tonight.” Persephone: “Bring it “ladies’!”

Amaranth vs Solstice: Solstice goes on a run but can’t finish Amaranth with two straight “ANNIHILATOR”s. It finally takes a “Extermination” to finish the job. 9:25

Irish Bratz and Andrea: Bratz: “You know how you get to the top Sabre and Persephone? Win! Maybe if you did more of that, you’d be at the top.” Andrea: “In other words, we accept.”

Fang Banger vs Stunning Steph: Fang Banger goes up top for a cross body but Steph rolls through. It then takes a second straight “STUN GUN” for the win. 7:08

Lone Star vs Pitch Black: Pitch Black had Star beat a couple times but Star was able to kick out at the very last instance. Lone Star used her superior agility to launch herself out side the ring at Black. She rolled her inside where Lone Star set up and connected with the “STAY STRONG SUPERKICK” for the long two count. She then went up top and nailed a huge “DYING STAR” +6 for the win. 13:36

Andrea and Irish Bratz vs Princess Persephone and Sabre: Princess Persephone was beaten by both Andrea and Bratz. Bratz goes for the cover and gets two. As Bratz hits “Leap of Faith” and goes for the cover, Sabre makes the save. In the melee, Honey Bunny storms the ring and goes after Andrea hitting her with Persephones scepter. Andrea goes down in a heap and Bunny continues the assault while Sabre and Persephone attack Irish Bratz. The refs and security finally come out to break it up. Honey Bunny can be heard screaming, “You’re mine Andrea; you’re mine!!”

[Sickman]

Card #30

Tonight the SNX Championship is on the line as the Champion Magnus Crimson Claw defends against his rival Cthulu. Cthulu has his army at the ready since taking control of Evil Dead and The Legacy. The SNX Tag Team Champions the faction will take on The Howling in a non title affair. And so much more. Let’s go to the ring.

Assassin Z vs BDK: BDK is absolutely dominate. Winning following a “faction Bomb”. This victory sets BDK up for a future title run perhaps.

Evilution (Leviathan and Xymbiote) vs NightTerrors (Nightmerica and Evil Dead): Cthulu has allowed Evil Dead to be In this match unlike the last time. The only time Evil Dead made it into the ring was to attempt a pin save, which failed. Evilution dominated Nightmerica. Xymbiote finally finished Nightmerica with an “EVOLUTION”.

Chtulu is backstage flanked by Nyogoth, The Legacy and protecting him are The Yin Yang Twins. “Tonight Magnus; not only will I take the SNX Title from you. But I will also take you. As I have taken The Legacy to my left. And Evil Dead who was just in a match. My army will continue to grow. As will my hardware.”

The Saint vs The Legacy: The Yin Yang Twins accompany The Legacy. The Saint easily wins with a “EL MENSAJA”.

SNX Tag Team Champs The faction (Danger and Damage) vs The Howling (Thiess Phellan/The Wolfman and Dr. Red Fang): The faction are dominate. Damage sets up for the “faction Bomb” and then Damage comes in and locks on the “DANGER LOCK” on Dr. Red Fang to score the victory. No problem for the Champs!

Gallows vs Thorn: The two monsters from Aquarius go toe to toe but not for long. Gallows uses the “HANGMAN’S NOOSE” and gets dq’d for doing so.

SNX Champion Magnus Crimson Claw vs Cthulhu the Collector: Title Match. Cthulu comes out with Nyogoth, The Legacy, The Yin Yang Twins and Evil Dead all in tow. To counter, Dr. Red Fang and The Wolfman come out with the Champ! Cthulhu goes for the win quick locking in a “Lurking Fear” but Magnus gets to the ropes. Cthulhu goes up top and comes off with a cross body but Magnus rolls through for the 1-2-NO! But Magnus can not sustain the offense and Cthulhu nails “REANIMATOR” for the victory! Cthulhu is the new SNX Champion! Cthulhu kneels beside the fallen Magnus and raises his arms. Cthulhu chants and Magnus eyes open. They are glazed over. Dr. Red Fang and The Wolfman scream out in horror as Magnus gets up and falls in line behind Cthulhu.

[Sickman]

Card #31

Speed Zone

On the last episode of Speed Zone; Shittake Jr defeated SZ Champ Blue Tornado in a non title match to earn a title shot tonight.

Undercover Alien vs Chalupacabra: Chalupacabra dominates Alien and wins following a “CHALUPACANRANA”. After the match, Master Assassin comes out and claps his hands at Chalupacabra.

Dread Pirate of M83 vs Torq: Incredible match. Torq was in control early and had Pirate reeling. Pirate is able to with stand the beating and take over. He would not relinquish control and would eventually win when Torq could not make it back in the ring from a suicide dive and was counted out. Dread Pirate threw himself at Torq repeatedly.

La Vuelta vs Mike Quakenbush: La Vuelta just toyed with Quakenbush. Constantly throwing him out of the ring doing damage and waiting for him to crawl back in the ring. Finally he locks him in the “CHOKE TRASERO de DESNUDO” for the tap out victory. La Vuelta continues to impress in Speed Zone.

Morbid vs Andromeda Dragon: Incredible match that unfortunately ends in a time limit draw. Both used their finishers on a couple occasions but could not put the other away.

Speed Zone Championship:
Blue Tornado (c ) vs Shittake Jr.: Shittake Jr stays in control using a variety of dive moves out of the ring, finally gaining the pin with a “sommersault headlock”.

Shittake Jr is celebrating when Blue Tornado offers his hand in congratulations. Shittake accepts it. The two bow to each other and Shittake continues the celebration.

[Sickman]

Card #32

Citadel of the Elite

Janus and Paragon are in their luxury suite.

Janus: “What happens if he fails?”

Paragon: “We find someone that won’t fail.”

The Elitists vs Paranoia: Last week, Janus and Paragon ordered Paranoia to finish off their opponents. When they refused, they booked this match as punishment for their non actions. The Elitists were way too cocky. As Jupiter is soaking in the crowds reaction, he fails to see Mars being pinned by Manic following “Medicinal Qualities”. Manic and Fringe leave the ring before Mars, Jupiter and Brogue jump them. Janus looks on in shock.

Grillz vs Parox: Parox makes quick work of Grillz with a second “BRING THE PAIN”.

Nemean vs Tyrro: Back and forth but it’s Nemean with the improbable victory following a second “WELCOME TO THE SHOW”.

Our main event tonight is Citadel of the Elite Champion GQ Stratus taking on Pandemonium. Janus and Paragon have been bringing in the Andromedans to feed to his Elite. But the Andromedans have been winning most of the matches. Pandemonium, who knows for what reason, challenged “their champ” to a match.

Backstage, Fringe and Manic are together when Fringe gets wide-eyed and starts rocking back and forth. Fringe, over and over, just chants “The four are coming, the four are coming”.

Magnifico vs Narcotik: Magnifico absolutely destroyed the former Elite Champion. “shooting star press” for the win in less than a minute.

Rolex vs Carson P Century: Rolex is on a great roll; defeating CPC in just over a minute following a “Carpe Diem Missle Dropkick”.

Citadel of the Elite Champion GQ Stratus vs Pandemonium: GQ Stratus was a man on a mission this night and Pandemonium suddenly looks vulnerable. “corkscrew elbow drop” and pin for victory by Stratus.

Janus: “How ‘bout that. He did it.”

Paragon: “Yes. Yes he did. But I’d still like to bring in some others. And I have a thought.”

[Sickman]

Update from the U!!

**The All Earth Zone, Planet Z and Ring of Saturn are coming together for a joint show. Card to be determined.

**Ariel Foundation won the Ring of Saturn Title in an epic battle against The Titan Bulldogs. But since, Ariel Foundation have not represented ROS well; losing every match they have been in. The Titan Bulldogs are openly challenging Ariel Foundation for the title. They are saying that even though they are brothers of Saturn, they have not represented the planet well.

[Sickman]

Card #33

GWF Zoo

A foursome of four way matches that will determine the four Andromedans that will compete for the Leader of the Pack Trophy.

Chuck the Roo vs Chili Fu vs Markhor vs Cuddley Claw: Chili Fu nails “Cold Snap” on Cuddley Claw for the first pin. Chuck the Roo and Chili Fu were battling. Markhor gets involved and Chuck locks on a “REAR NAKED CHOKE” to eliminate Markhor. Chuck and Chili engage in back and forth action. But Chuck is the better wrestler tonight and a fourth “pick up and slam” gets him the victory. Chuck the Roo advances.

Harris vs Razor Sharp vs Bullet vs Umagapottomous: Umaga pairs off with Bullet and destroys him. A second “SAMOAN HIPPO SPIKE” to eliminate the speedy bird. A very intense back and forth second elimination. Umaga was out for most of it, which lead Harris and Razor Sharp to pound on each other. Harris goes for “GOAL!” and misses on a couple occasions. He is finally able to nail it on Razor Sharp for the elimination. Umaga took advantage of Harris being worn out. He nailed him with the “SAMOAN HIPPO SPIKE” for the win. Umagapotamus advances.

Tusk vs Powerslam vs Tortallis vs Ram Jam: Tortallis finishes off Ram Jam with a “FLYING SHELL SENTON”. Powerslam nails Tortallis with a “piledriver” to finish him off. Powerslam could not sustain offense and Tusk gets the job done with a “Giant Swing”. Tusk advances.

Shell Shocker vs Cardinal Sin vs Trash Animan vs Saint Bernard: Cardinal Sin saved Saint Bernard from one pin attempt after “SHELL SHOCKED” but could not save him after another one. Saint Bernard is eliminated. Trash Animan falls to Cardinal Sin after “Bird Dropping”. Shell Shocker dominates Cardinal Sin and finishes him with a “Half Shell Hero Claw”. Shell Shocker advances.

Chuck the Roo vs Umagapotamus vs Tusk vs Shell Shocker: Chuck the Roo was eliminated following a “SHELL SHOCKED”. Tusk has Umaga on the ropes and finishes him with the “BONECRUSHER”. The final two combatants go back and forth for a bit. Shell Shocker comes away with a victory with “SHELL SHOCKED”.

Shell Shocker is the Leader of the Pack Trophy holder.

**Promoter’s Note** The final four was without a doubt the loooooooongest match in my history. It took me 2 real hours to finish this. It wasn’t constant time because I had to refresh my eyes a couple times. Once it got down to three, it went fast. But holy hell, the all defense no offense of this foursome was excrutiating.