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A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen...------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Card - 4
The City of Fight Arena
Fort Hamilton Army Base
Brooklyn, New York
Match and Occurrence Results:------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Stranger Lewis vs A.R. Fox:
Strangler Lewis defeated A.R Fox via Submission. Lewis forced Fox to submit to his STRANGLERS HEADLOCK finisher at approximately the 11:30 minute mark.Strangler Lewis - 3 Fatigue, 1 Near Disqualification (Steel Chair Shot), Won 2 Ringside Brawls, Black Eye.
A.R. Fox - 5 Fatigue, With Blood Loss (Including Lacerated Back), 1 Near Disqualification (Smashed Lewis's Head Into Announcers Table), 1 Near Countout (Lewis Snap Mared Fox Onto The Ringsteps).
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2. Afghanistan Bananastan - Fhana's Bullet Point Meeting Journal Notes For Beav:▪ Thanks to Bill Murray's planning and efforts...the majority of the reinstated United Nations countries are now on board with officially recognizing The Supreme Ruler of The Earths authority...(everyone's favorite hermaphrodite...Nossir Araflat)...and they are already meeting soon to take a cooperative and deeper dive into the real issues that confront The Earth as a whole.
▪ Little Beaver continues to need to take a bit of a leave before he comes back to work...LXG EAP & Mental Health Counselor Plethador has said that he is starting to make good improvements...but just needs some more time...
▪ Sky Low Low has asked The Guardian to also take over the job of protecting these new title belts...because people are really finding it hard to stay away from them...and seems as though they could use The Guardians protection as well...until all the title matches on LXG 17...
▪ She Devil has sent her Devil's Advocates (Omen and Bishop Hell) on a mission to Castilex Minor on the outer rim to try to find Vallah...whose dissapearance is starting to leave the group very unnerved...if they can't find him soon...then a large group is going to be sweeping the universe to locate him...
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3. Payback vs Harley Race:
Payback defeated Harley Race via Pinfall. Payback pinned Race via his Second Table Splash at approximately the 16:00 minute mark.Payback - 5 Fatigue, With Blood Loss (Including By Way Of His First Table Splash)
Harley Race - 7 Fatigue, With Serious Blood Loss
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4. Screwjob - Guest - Lefty Righty (The Cranky Two Headed Owner of The Bronx Zoo):Screw welcomes The Owner of The Bronx Zoo, The Two Headed Lefty Righty, to the show...but before Screw can hardly get a word out...Lefty and Righty break out into an argument over if they should finally and once for all sell the zoo after all of these years...Lefty said something horrible to Righty...who has really been a true gentleman in this...prompting Screw to slip on a pair of brass knuckles...and proclaim to Lefty...This is how we take care of things...in the old school...and Screw jabs Lefty in the face with the brass knuckles...initiating Lefty to punch Righty in his face with Lefty's arm...Screw says to Righty...Are You Gonna Take That?...to which Righty now punches Lefty in the face with Righty's arm...as both Lefty and Righty now try to trap eachother in passionate but spastic sleeperholds...Screw turns towards the camera and says..."You know...most of our guests completely suck...but I'm finding this...fascinating..."Clear My Calendar...More Whiskey!"
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5. Sara Del Rey vs She Devil:
Sara Del Rey defeated She Devil via Pinfall. Del Rey pinned Devil courtesy of her ROYAL BUTTERFLY finisher (A Standing Butterfly Transitioned Into A Butterfly Suplex) at approximately the 12:00 minute mark.Sara Del Rey - 0 Fatigue, Won 1 Ringside Brawl, Helped Devil To Her Feet
She Devil - 4 Fatigue, With Blood Loss, Signed Autograph for Del Rey
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6. The Celebration of The Lizard:Father Don Leo Jonathan...Jim Morrison and Phantasy met in a secluded portion of a Bay Ridge Brooklyn cemetary...in order to perform not only a seance...but a ceremony...it was a solemn night...and a very solemn show...Father DLJ announced to the three of them...and the night...that..."This will require something additionally powerful...sacred...and of the old gods"...he turned towards Jim...and said..."We need something...older than Christianity...something pagan...and spoken...by a true...shaman...Jim Morrison closed his eyes for some time...and then spoke the words...it all felt different for a bit...but then...something started to claw its way out...from its unmarked grave...Father DLJ and Morrison helped Ghena...until he was partially out of the grave...he held both the father and the shaman in his arms...and wept as he tried to breathe...Phantasy put her hand over her mouth...and then they teared up and wept some...Jim said...Stay with us...until we can secure you're safety...
(Note: The camera faded to dark before we all saw the burial spot begin to move...and for a transcript of what Jim specifically said...please go to our new "Unabridged" folder in Title Histories 😊)
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7. Buzzsaw vs Mayhem Unleashed:
Mayhem Unleashed defeated Buzzsaw via Pinfall. Unleashed pinned Buzzsaw courtesy of his Fall Of The Empire (An Over The Shoulder Belly To Belly Piledriver) at approximately the 11:30 minute mark.Mayhem Unleashed - 0 Fatigue, Lots Of Drool, Would Have Been Disqualified (Smashed Buzzsaw In Jaw With Chain Wrapped Around His Fist) If Not A No Disqualifications Match
Buzzsaw - 8 Fatigue, Profound Blood Loss, Tons Of Confused Babble.
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8. Here Comes The Judge:...The defense had finally rested...Playboy Buddy Loophole Rose and Bob Odenkirk had pleaded they're cases...the lawyers for The USFP...were beaming...We have The LXG now...thought they...the court officers thought it safer to avoid Liev Schreiber's gaze...and they were right...the jury had left for the deliberation room...and the judge...strangely remained right where she was...occassionally gripping the bench...and clawing the wood...after only 5 minutes...the jury filed back into the courtroom...upon their return...some were oddly smiling...the judge asked the jury foreman how they first ruled in the case of The USFP vs The LXG...they found in favor of The USFP...subsequently...in the case of The LXG vs The USFP...they found in favor...of The LXG...and here...is where the judge worked her magic...and Robert Redford his...(for he was underneath her desk the whole time)..."In the cases of these dueling lawsuits...oohh...the victories...and defeats...offset...as in oohhh...offsetting penalties in American football...cases dismissed...(hard gavel bang)...
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9. The Kindred - Stephen DeArcher & Malick DeArcher vs The Dungeon of Doom - B.J. Whitmer & Damien Martinez (With Kevin Sullivan).
The Kindred - Stephen DeArcher & Malick DeArcher defeated The Dungeon Of Doom - B.J. Whitmer & Damien Martinez (With Kevin Sullivan) via Pinfall. S. DeArcher pinned Martinez courtesy of his DIES IRAE DIES ILLA primary finisher (An Impact DDT) at approximately the 16:30 minute mark.
Stephen DeArcher - 0 Fatigue
Mallick DeArcher - 0 Fatigue, 1 Near Disqualification (Excessive Brawling Outside Ring With Damien Martinez), 1 Defensive Tag, Won 1 Ringside Brawl
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B.J. Whitmer - 0 Fatigue, Boxed Entirely Out Of The Match By The Kindred
Damien Martinez - 16 Fatigue, With Unholy Blood Loss, 1 Near Disqualification (Excessive Brawling Outside Ring With Mallick DeArcher, Removed From The Ring Unconscious via Stretcher And Hospitalized At Coney Island Hospital
Kevin Sullivan - 1 Successful Distraction (Speaking English In Reverse To The Referee), 1 Successful Pin Save Interference (Pulled Referee Out Of The Ring By Ankles During Cover By S. DeArcher)
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10. Viper's Pit - Special Guest - Carlos MarinPit Viper and his crew ( xx ) had a show where Carlos Marin retold everyone on how his three blind dates went:
ROUNCH - (ap translation) - First there was Suzanne...she took one look at me...and she said "JESUS CHRIST!"...and ran away...
ROUNCH - (ap translation) - Next there was Heather...we seemed to be having a nice time...except for whenever I spoke...and then she showed her hand...as being a slick goldigger...and possibly...no probably...a sociopath...
ROUNCH - (ap translation) - I was ready to give up...and then I met Lucia...I couldn't believe it...I thought to myself...she's absolutely beautiful...and she didn't objectify herself...although she totally could have...truth is she doesn't need to...and she didn't freak out when I spoke...matter of fact she held my phone to listen to the translation better...it wasn't until ten minutes into our date when I realized that she was blind...when she asked if she could touch my face...I was so scared...
April Hunter (overriding Pit and Roddy with a hopeful and emotional tone) - Did you let her?...please tell me you let her!...
Carlos Marin - ROUNCH - (ap translation) - I did...and my knees turned to jelly...and then she said...don't worry...my eyes don't work...but I can still see...your soul...you're very kind...but very protective...of who you care about...I've heard every Viper's Pit...that you've been on...
Pit Viper - Then what happened!!!...(And you could hear a pin drop)...
Ronnie Simmons - DAMN!!! - (ap translation) - Goodnight Universe!...
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11. Godsend vs Endgame:
Godsend defeated Endgame via Pinfall. Godsend pinned Endgame courtesy of his KINGDOM COME finisher (Godsend Lifts His Opponent Onto His Shoulders In A Sitting Position Then Falls Backwards Into A Deadly Head First Demon Drop) at the 9:00 minute mark.Godsend - 0 Fatigue, Speared Into The Second Row And Beaten To A Pulp Post Match By Gladiator Of Aethra - Disaster - As Security Slowly Took Their Time To Break It Up.
Endgame - 8 Fatigue, With Profound Blood Loss, Attacked Before The Bell By A Brass Knuckle Shot By Godsend To The Base Of His Skull.
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12. LXG Commissioner Wince McCant's Wrestler And Teams Ratings Scoreboards:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Light Heavyweight's:
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Tiger Mask - 3 (2)
John Pesek - 3 (2)
Strangler Lewis - 3 (3)
Sami Callihan - 3 (3)
Jigsaw - 0
Antonio Inoki - 0
Exotic Adrian Street - 0
A.R. Fox - 0- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Women's:
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Elina - 3 (2)
Sara Del Rey - 3 (3)
Sherri Martel - 3 (3)
Penny Banner - 3 (3)
Jessicka Havok - 0
Leilani Kai - 0
Veda Scott - 0
She Devil - 0- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hardcore's:
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Wolf - 3 (1)
Mayhem Unleashed - 3 (2)
Baker - 3 (2)
The Sandman - (3)
Sabu - 0
Homicide - 0
Thor Massive - 0
Buzzsaw - 0- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Tag Team's:
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Bastien & Lyons - 3 (6)
Sheik & Volkoff - 3 (6)
The Kindred - 3 (5)
Havoc & Paralyze - 2 (5)
Fuji & Saito - 0
DiBiase & Bundy - 0
M. Jackson & N. Jackson - 0
Whitmer & Martinez - 0- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Heavyweight's:
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Godsend - 3 (1)
The Perfect Specimen - 3 (1)
Kevin Steen - 3 (1)
Blackjack Mulligan - 3 (1)
Thantos - 3 (1)
Payback - 3 (2)
Lou Thesz - 3 (2)
Nick Bockwinkel - 3 (2)
The Aethran Overmaster - 0
Tursas - 0
Adam Pearce - 0
Solar Flair - 0
Tommy Rich - 0
Bloodline - 0
Harley Race - 0
Endgame - 0- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Wince McCan't In his own...ah words? (He has a problem with "p's" and "f's" - long story...so please bare with him):
LXG Commissioner Wince McCan't - Everthing is going according to flan...The LXG has already doubled its frofits...and there's no where else to go...fot all of us now...but...uf...
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13. A Castilex Minor Captive Audience:...Dedsong (GODSEND) - So......comfy?...
Vallah (partially incoherent and very weak) - What kind...of......sorrrcerry...is...this?...
Dedsong (GODSEND) - Best if you...didn't know I think...So...My Brilliance...I'm glad you asked...
(Vallah looks around him briefly...because he must have missed that one...):
Dedsong (GODSEND) - For quite sometime now...whether they truly deserved it...or not...and especially...in the case of this Second War against...you know who...The LXG always get's...the credit...
Vallah - And...the.........blaamme...
Dedsong (GODSEND) - Silence!...you old fool!...all you have to do now...is...relax...sit back...and enjoy...watching The LXG...and especially these...Afghanistan Bananastan...meddlers...disintegrate...once and for all...and deliciously...from within...
Vallah - Donn't...dessserrve...
Dedsong (GODSEND) - At the very heart...the pulse...the rhythym...the nuance...the skinny...and quite frankly...the shit...that describes The LXG...is quite simply....wrestling...they're very own champions themselves...will be powerless to resist the curses put opon...each and every...sanctioned...title belt...and they will wield...outrageous...and unstoppable...power...whilst champions...
Vallah (with great difficulty) - Whhhyy...Cann't...yoouu...sssayy...his...naaamme?...
Dedsong (GODSEND) - ENOUGH OLD MAN!!!!
(The lightning was frighteningly silent...but to Vallah...the pain sure wasn't...)
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A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen...------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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David Lee Roth - Ok...action!...
Trish Stratus - So I can say...anything...during this promo?...
David Lee Roth - Yep...anythin at all darlin'...
Trish Stratus - Ok...The LXG...Trying To Give Great Fed...since 2017...is that ok?...
David Lee Roth - That...Was Fantastic...Cut!...That's A Wrap People!...Let's Go Babe!...
Trish Stratus - You're place...or mine?...
David Lee Roth - Both...sweetheart...both...
Coming up next:
LXG Network News Report - 5
Have a good one!
Bri