A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

[Bri]

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A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen...
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LXG's Kickoff Announcements - Part 1 of 2 - Interview on Q104.3 FM Radio

Chapter - 5 - They Can't See The Sign...


(The scene is a very comfortable broadcasting room...the dj is Den Kashow...and the persons here for the interview are Little Beaver, Yukon Eric and sketchy financial backer Smallie Biggs...The Biggest Midget In Brooklyn...):


Den Kashow - Hello everyone...Q104.3 has a special suprise for you...on the air now with us we have Little Beaver and Company from Brooklyn's own LXG professional wrestling federation...Beav it's great to see you again my friend...

Little Beaver - Hey Den...it's awesome to be here...and thank you again for having us...

Den Kashow - It's my...and Q104's pleasure...so who else are have with you here today?...wait a minute...are you?...

Yukon Eric - Hello Den I'm...

Den Kashow - Yukon Eric!...I thought that was you...It's nice to finally meet you...I've been a fan of yours for a while now!...

Yukon Eric - Thanks that's very kind of you...

Little Beaver - And our other associate is Smallie Biggs...

Den Kashow - Smallie Biggs...Yes hello...I often visit you're delicatessen in Sheepshead Bay...best pastrami in New York welcome!...

Smallie Biggs - In the world...and thanks...cool to be here...

Den Kashow (looking around a bit for something) - Boy that's funny...I thought I left my ashtray over there...well anyway...never mind...Beav the floor is yours...oh by the way...how is Sky doing?...

Little Beaver (as Den Kashow lights a cigarette and uses his empty coffee cup for a ashtray) - Oh he's ok...bumping along...he's actually going to be holding a press conference at the South Steeet Seaport in...well...now actially...

Den Kashow - Gotcha...

Little Beaver - So we just wanted to say to all of you're listeners that...The LXG is back!...our first card back will be held this coming Saturday night at 8pm at the South Street Seaport...our new Seaport Arena is on the top floor of Pier 17's shopping mall...

Den Kashow - As a pro wrestling fan...I think that I can speak for many that...we're very happy and proud to have the LXG back in action!...

Little Beaver - Thank you my friend!...

Smallie Biggs - And out of the clink...

Little Beaver (winces) - Ah yes ah...and we wanted to say that...six LXG championships have been sanctioned...and are of course the goals for all of the wrestlers on the various rosters...actually my friend Yuke here has a large sign listing the official rosters in our six divisions...but I guess we should've...

Den Kashow (interrupting) - You know what...we can take a picture of this...and upload onto our website...in order to help get the LXG message out...

Yukon Eric - That would be great!...

Den Kashow - No problem at all big man...

Smallie Biggs - Hold on...How much?...

Den Kashow - How much?...the whole listing...oh you mean...how much it will cost?...no it's totally
on the arm...so...how are thing's going to be running...if you don't mind me asking?...

Little Beaver - No probs...we're going to be running things as though it was a true league...8 competitors in each division...or 8 tag teams...in the case of the tag division...everyone gets rated on their performances and their wins...and at the end of each month...top contenders in each division get title shots on the first card of the following month...everyone wrestles on a schedule and in equal amount of times...so it's fair...to everybody competing...

Den Kashow - Are all cards...to be at the Seaport?...

Little Beaver - Yes that's the plan...but hopefully...we...and especially Sky...would like to have the title defense cards...held in Brooklyn...

Den Kashow - Nice...I like the LXG's style...where in particular in Brooklyn?...

Little Beaver - The Barclays Center...hopefully...

Smallie Biggs - Which is also really not that far...from Smallie Biggs Sheepshead Bay Delicatessen and private Escor...

(Smallie was interrupted when Beav elbowed him in the ribs...):

Smallie Biggs - OW!...hey whaddya do that for?...

Little Beaver - Pay no attention to Smallie...

Smallie Biggs (to Den Kashow) - Hey Don...more importantly...are there any hot chicks who work here?...

Den Kashow - Well gentlemen...Smallie...thanks for stopping by go LXG!...


Television Championship Division:

Lightning Mike Quackenbush
S.D. Jones
Jim Powers
Yukon Eric
Johnny Rodz
Ultramantis Black
Delirious
Angelo Mosca


Women's Championship Division:

Tina Moretti
Jazz
MsChif
Sherri Martel
April Hunter
Nora Greenwald
Penny Banner
Sara Del Rey


Hardcore Championship Division:

Eddie Kingston
Dr. Cube with his Minions
Necro Butcher
Sabu
Ox Baker
Al Snow with Head
The Sandman
Dan The Beast Severn


Light Heavyweight Championship Division:

Chris Candido with Tammy Lynn Sytch
Hot Stuff Eddie Gilbert
Exotic Adrian Street with Miss Linda
Austin Aries
Jigsaw
Johnny Saint
Roderick Strong
The Solid Man William Muldoon

Tag Team Championship Division:

Chris Hero  &  Sweet N Sour Larry Sweeney
King Kong Bundy  &  Paul Ellering
Mr. Fuji  &  Captain Lou Albano
Playboy Buddy "Loophole" Rose  &  The Elegant "Fixer" Eddie Fyne
Bobby Shane  &  Bobby The Brain Heenan
Tom Prichard  &  Jim Cornette
Ivan Koloff  &  Sir Oliver Humperdinck
Killer Kowalski  &  Wild Red Berry


Heavyweight Championship Division:

Scrap Iron Adam Pearce
Masked Superstar
Brodie Lee
One Man Gang
Brent Albright
Greg Valentine
Giant Baba
George Hackenschmidt


Epilogue - Diamonds Are Forever:


Little Beaver (to Smallie Biggs in their cab stuck in traffic headed to the Seaport) - Hey...Smallie!...Where'd You Get That...Nice Ashtray From !?!...

Smallie Biggs - How much you think I could get fur it?...


(At this moment...Beav's cellphone rang...):


Little Beaver - Hello?...Dave?...

Former LXG Life Coach David Lee Roth (somewhat out of breath but sounds as though like he's running) - Beav...listen...I saw the mayhem online...that...happened at the Seaport...

Little Beaver (now putting a finger in his other ear to hear better) - Mayhem?...What?...What Mayhem?...

David Lee Roth - And I also...heard you guys on Q104...figured out why you...sprung Smallie...I got youse another financial backer...and tell Sky...that...I had a long talk with them...and through my contact...the two of us totally smoothed everything out...it's all groovy...

Little Beaver - Smoothed Out What!...With Who?...

David Lee Roth - This cat I know in the...well I'll...explain it in...perso  tomorrow...comin' in at Kennedy on the...

Little Beaver - Dave!...Are You Ok?...Coming In On What?...

David Lee Roth - The...Red Eye...Shit Now Her Father's Here Too...Gotta!...Go!...

(As Dave's cellphone hung up...Beav thought to himself for a moment...and said out loud to no one in particular...):

Little Beaver - Ya-Kuza...

(As Yukon Eric and Smallie Biggs traded glances of confusion...Beav asked the driver..):

Little Beaver - Mr. Driver...can you please pull over?...I really need a lot of lollipops!...


To Be Continued!

[Bri]

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A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen...
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LXG's Kickoff Announcements - Part 2 of 2 - Press Conference At The South Street Seaport

Chapter 6 - Can You See The...Real...Me?...Can Ya?...Can Ya?...


(The scene is a small podium set up in front of about 50 chairs that we're set up in anticipation of a large turnout...but only about 20 were there...that you could see...):

(Sky Low Low had given many press conferences in his long career...but he was always at least...buzzed - if not more...now he was facing this challenge sober...and it scared the shit out of him...but he was determined to...somehow...get through this...):

(With Playboy Buddy "Loophole" Rose...and The Elegant Fixer Eddie Fyne...(aka Rose's new fixer)...at Sky's sides for moral support...Sky did get through his introductions...and in his mind...thought he did a horrible job of...more or less stating what Little Beaver did...during the radio interview...but in fact...Sky did...ok...he obviously struggled...and never sweated so much in his life...ever...but he got through it...):

(It was when he oppened up the floor to the press...that he froze...and eventually broke down...):

(While a combination of Sky's nerves...and his alcoholic cravings...confused...and even masked who slowly...floated into the group of spectators...that had gathered):


Sky Low Low - Okay everyone...does anybody have...a question?...


(As is customary at press conferences...and / or opening up the floor to questions...there was an avalanche...of simultaneously shouted questions...):


"How Do You And Little Beaver Feel About Being Referred To In The Press Lately...As The...Max Bialystock And Leo Blume Of Pro Wrestling?..."

"Where's She Devil?...Is She Single Now?..."

"Are You Guys Sure That A League Format...Will Work...Considering It's A...Pro Wrestling Federation?..."

"Likewise with The Wicked Monk...But He Sure As Shit...Ain't...My...Type..."

"Did The Joint Effort Of The United Nations And The United Federation Of Stars And Planets...Truly Cleanse The Earth Of All The Aliens?..."

"Hey...I Miss Alla Them...Man..."

"Is Commissioner Charlie Cox Fully Committed To The LXG?...Or Is This Just A Gesture On His Part?..."

"Yeah...I Got One Word For You Holmes...Phantasy!..."

"Where's The Rest Of Afghanistan Bananastan?...Fair Weather Friends Or What?...After All You Did...For Them?..."

"Oh Yeah...Well Check This Out...I Got A Better Word...Than That...Man...April!..."

"Do You Dare To Sanction World Championship Titles...Without Widespread Support?...Or Respect?"

"Damn...I Was So...Sure...That Was A Fart!..."

"What's Wrong With Sky Low Low?"

"How Can You Possibly Compete With Wince McCan'ts World Wide Empire?...I Mean Really..."

"Hey I got two words for The LXG...Bras And Panties Matches...don't listen to this guy...Yo!...You Stink Dude!..."


(It was at this point...that all of the questions suddenly stopped...and three men...made their way through all of the members of the press...and the slowly gathering public...Sky was grateful that everything stopped...but he was a shaking mess...):

(In front of the other two...was someone that most people recognized...but was now sporting a different look...):


Eddie Fyne (to Loophole Rose) - Hey...whose this nut with the black cape?...and please tell me that...those big spikes on his head...is a hat...

Playboy Buddy Loophole Rose - There's only one man...who walks around like he's excited and proud...about the load in his pants...and those horns are...most likely...a helmet...


(The other two men flanking the first...were in black masks...and stood at about...6' 7"...and 5' 8""...both stood behind the first man...with arms folded...as the "leader"...walked right up to Sky on the slightly raised "stage" and said...):

Wince McCan't (while attempting to hide a more and more visibly sinister smile) - Now Now...Everybody...let's give the...LXG...a little credit...I'm sure all op these questions will be answered...in the...near puture...I por one...would like to give Sky...my congratulations and best...fropessional wishes...on this...relaunching...froject...best op luck...old priend...let's have a good ol...priendly comfetition...and here...with my...comfliments...


(What Wince McCan't handed Sky...was a bottle...of Jack Daniels burbon...it was all too much to process...how did this asshole even know that...I'm in...recovery...Sky thought...):

(Sky held the bottle with his two hands...and physically collapsed to his knees...with tears streaming down his face...):

(But at that moment...before anyone could move...or even act...someone who has always been...a moving target on...a moving target...boldy spoke up...as he made his way up front...):


Former LXG Public Relations Guru Bill Murray - Attention Ladies And Gentlemen...I'll Be Proud To Provide An Answer To Each...And Possible Questions That You May Have...The LXG Operates Not...With Spoken Words...But With It's...ACTIONS!...We don't talk the Talk!...We Walk The Walk!...All Of You Here Know Damn Well That...Talk Is Cheap!...And Wince McCan't Here...Is The Dare I Say Fatron Saint...Of Cheaf!...His Wrestlers Were Always Afraid To Face LXG Wrestlers...Why Do You Ask?..Because...The World Wide...Emfire'...Isn't Real...Out Of His Own Mouth...McCan't Said...We're...Sports Entertainment!...


(At this moment...only one person started to slowly move...and crept slowly towards someone...):


Bill Murray - Do You Know What The LXG IS...IT'S REAL!!!...Our Fans...Prefer...To Deal...


(From behind...a bottle of Jack Daniels was swung with a two handed...got his hips into the swing strike...by Sky Low Low...):

(As the glass shattered...and the whiskey exploded and splashed a lot of people...):


Bill Murray - WITH THE REAL!...


(As there was a mad scramble by; Rose, Fyne, Sara From Starbucks - (who incidently is Sky's sponsor) her boss Gordon...and a half dozen longtime fans of the LXG as well as Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong...to rumble it up with a retreating and bloodied McCan't as well as his two masked men...Bill Murray put his arm around Sky...and shouted out to something to the now large...gathering of spectators at the scene...that made the headlines next day of all of the local papers...and incidentally...got a nice round of applause by many there...):


"THE LXG...IS BACK!...THEY'RE...REAL!...AND LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...THEY'RE...SPEC...TACULAR!..."


The LXG's first cards' line up...in this New Era!:


▪  Greg Valentine  vs  "Scrap Iron" Adam Pearce.

▪  Playboy Buddy "Loophole" Rose  &  "The Elegant Fixer" Eddie Fyne  vs  Killer Kowalski  &  "Wild Red Berry".

▪  Exotic Adrian Street with Miss Linda  vs  Roderick Strong.

▪  Al Snow with Head  vs  "The Incomperable" Dr. Cube with his Minions. (God help us).

▪  MsChif  vs  Nora Greenwald.

▪  Yukon Eric  vs  Delirious.


Epilogue - A Dangling Conversation...Between Two Diametrically Opposing Beings...Seated In Two Seemingly Empty Chairs...In The Back Row Of The LXG Press Conference:


"I'm so proud...of Sky..."

"Huh...even after he offered McCan't a drink?..."

"Well...in this case...yeah...I think...yes...you know...I...am..."

"I find myself...oddly aroused...by that statement..."

"You're so...ruining the moment..."

"It's what I do..."

"Well...at least I can't...see you..."

"Too bad for you...It's Both Real...and...Spectacular..."

"If you're going to be disgusting...at least please try to be...original..."

"Ribbed and Knobby..."

"Sounds like a tag team from an...x rated film...it's original...I...guess?..."

"Sky will...relapse..."

"No...he won't..."

"Actually...when you get right down to it...He's not...as tough...as Beav..."

"He'll learn to be...even if he has to learn it...the hard way...actually...because he has to do it...the hard way.."

"Speaking of hard..."

"ENOUGH!...OF!...THIS!..."

"I Love It!..Take Charge Baby!..."


To Be Continued!

[Bri]

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Chapter 7 - Will ko mmen...Bien ven ue...Wel...come!


The LXG's First Card In It's New Era

South Street Seaport Arena
Approximately 75 People in attendance

(Arena maximum of 200)


Promoters Notes:

-  Wrestlers shown in red text denote that they were bloodied by the end of the match.

-  All Hardcore division matches (3rd on the cards) are no dq and wrestlers use cage pin ratings all the time.

-  Non Hardcore matches ending in dq or count out results trigger a two out of three fall rematch.

-  Hardcore division matches ending in count out also trigger a two out of three fall rematch.


Tonight's Match Results:

1.  Delirious defeated Yukon Eric. (Pinfall - Perfect Cross Body Block From The Top Rope). 12:40.

2.  MsChif defeated Nora Greenwald. (Pinfall - DESECRATOR - A Scissored DDT). 18:52.

3.  Al Snow with Head defeated Dr. Cube with his Minions. (Pinfall - SNOW PLOW - A Scoop Brainbuster). 16:41.

4.  Exotic Adrian Street with Miss Linda defeated Roderick Strong. (Disqualification - Strong Smashed Street Into The Announcers Table). 10:54

5.  Killer Kowalski and Wild Red Berry defeated Playboy Buddy "Loophole" Rose and The Elegant Fixer Eddie Fyne. (Pinfall - Double Team And Cover, (on Fyne by Berry), Behind The Ref's Back During Roses' Submission Save Of Fyne From Kowalskis' CLAW HOLD). 13:51.

6.  Greg Valentine defeated Scrap Iron Adam Pearce. (Submission - FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK). 9:31.


Top Contenders To Date:

Television Championship Division:
1.  Delirious

Women's Championship Division:
1.  MsChif

Hardcore Championship Division:
1.  Al Snow

Light Heavyweight Championship Division:
1.  Exotic Adrian Street with Miss Linda

Tag Team Championship Division:
1.  Killer Kowalski and Wild Red Berry

Heavyweight Championship Division:
1.  Greg Valentine


Fed News Updates:

▪  The team of Playboy Buddy "Loophole" Rose and Elegant "Fixer" Eddie Fyne have figured out that the two masked men that were with Wince McCan't at the LXG Seaport Press Conference were in fact Killer Kowalski and Wild Red Berry. But instead of firing Kowalski and Berry, the LXG has decided to "Mushroom Them", (Feed em' shit and keep them in the dark), as well as use this situation to purposefully mislead Wince McCan't and their big rival, McCan'ts World Wide Empire.

▪  In a bold move, LXG Lifecoach David Lee Roth has brokered a deal with one of the seven Yakuza families in Japan, where they will meet all other contributions made to the LXG on a dollar to dollar basis, supervised at the LXG by one of their operatives in America. The only hitch is that the LXG has to allow one of their wrestlers into the LXG. Sky Low Low has assured Little Beaver that Dave made the right call, with the Yakuza in the mix, the LXG can use them as leverage against any criminal organizations that may try to hassle or try to muscle into the LXG, (or anyone else for that matter). Dave apologized and promised to never jump the gun again, with even he finally now realizing that the LXG is in a much more democratic modus operandi.

▪  In order to balance the number of wrestlers on it's rosters, the LXG has also signed a free agent, The Destroyer - knowing that whomever the Yakuza sends over to the LXG, will certainly be spying on affairs at the LXG. So The Destroyer was signed to spy on this, "mystery wrestler".

▪  For next week's card we will have our six regularly scheduled contests and then a 2 Out of 3 Falls main event pitting Exotic Adrian Street with Miss Linda against "The Messiah of The Backbreaker" Roderick Strong !!!


Get You're Tickets Now !!!

Free Coffee and Oreos For The First 17 In Attendance !!!


To be continued!...

[TTX]

Keep the dice dizzy...Oreos are always good.

[topdollar]

Very entertaining as always, Bri. Can I have tea with vanilla Oreos please?

[Bri]

Oct 26, 2024 12:11:15 GMT -5 TTX said:

Keep the dice dizzy...Oreos are always good.

Mornin TTX me bro!

Keepin the dice as dizzy as I am lol.

Up next on the program...is the scheduled line up for our second card...and...an introductory vignette as to just who the Yakuza are sending over to the LXG in order to protect their investment...and who helped broker the deal with Diamond Dave.

Also of note...headlining our second card...will be a two out of three fall rematch between..."The Messiah of the Backbreaker" Roderick Strong...and..."The Man Who's More Man Than Anybody"...Exotic Adrian Street with none other...than Miss Linda...

Coffee...Oreos...and Fritos await the first seventeen in attendance...

Coming up soon amigo!

[Bri]

Oct 26, 2024 14:02:40 GMT -5 topdollar said:

Very entertaining as always, Bri . Can I have tea with vanilla Oreos please?

Mornin / almost Afternoon brother topdollar!

Stoked that things are diggable.

We aim to please at The LXG.

Thank you for the praise my man.

Card 2's lineup is next along with an introduction to whose coming to The LXG by way of Japan to protect one of the seven families investments.

Hope all is good by you!

[Bri]

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Prologue  -  Shadows...Of The...Eve-Nin...Crawl Across...The...Years...


An Unspecified Dwelling...in Okinawa, Japan:


(A figure moved swiftly across the moonlit courtyard...making no...perceptible sounds...):

(The two guards he just went around...pure childs play...and the third guard...dropped even without...uttering a word...this figure in the shadows was...after all...The Originator...of the incapacitating...nerve hold...):

(He then positioned himself...just outside the window of the bottom floor of a pagoda...and listened carefully...as two people spoke...and at some point during the conversation...he slowly started to move again...):


"He's just a man...like any other...member...of the seven families"...

"No...he isn't...and he's technically...not in...any of the families"...

"He's just as well...one of us"...

"No...he isn't...(now in a slightly lower volume)...but...the families themselves...were his...brainchild...his"...

"What nonsense do you speak of?...Hattori Hanzo was"...

"Hattori Hanzo...was a..
samurai"...

"And...a ninja"...

"No he wasn't...but in 1596...he met his fate...at the hands of...one"...

(In slightly mocking tone)..."Really...so...tell me...just...whom...did this?"...

"The person...whom you...are planning to...shall we say...persuade...into representing us...in the LGX"...

(also in a slightly mocking tone)..."Akuma"

"Akuma...The Ninja"

"You mustn't forget that...all he is...is a man"

"No...wrong...again...he's...a ninja...and he...is the first...ninja...and actually...there's no word...for what he...technically is...now"...

"So tell me...how can anyone...even Akuma...possibly live...that long?"

"Never underestimate...a ninja"...

"You're not answering...the question"...

"The short answer is...I don't want...to know"...

"And...the long answer"...

"That is too terrible...of a question to ask...but to...put it in some sort of perspective...he is now...the last...ninja...and that's for reasons...that I still...don't want to know"...

"Well...then why him?...why wouldn't he double cross our family?...and try to takeover?...

"Because he...is loyalty...personified...to whomever he enters into a binding contract with......First"...

"All right...what of his safety then...while in America?"...

"That's funny...what of...America's safety...is real question"...

(After thinking for a few seconds) - "Ok then...where can we reach him...or this...Roth...character?...

"He's standing behind you...back over you're left shoulder...slipped in and fixed himself a drink...at you're own bar"...


(We then hear...the sound of a man abruptly turning around).


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Chapter 8 - You Know Your Man...Is Workin' Hard..He's Worth A Deuce!...


The LXG's second cards' line up...in this New Era!:


▪  TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS!  -  Exotic Adrian Street with Miss Linda  vs  Roderick Strong.

▪  Giant Baba   vs   Brent Albright

▪  The Racketeers  -  Tom Prichard  &  Jim Cornette   vs  The Power of The Sweet N Sour  -   Chris Hero  &  Larry Sweeney

▪  Chris Candido with Tammy Lynn Sytch   vs   Jigsaw.

▪  Ox Baker   vs   Necro Butcher.  (God help us).

▪  Tina Moretti   vs   April Hunter

▪  S.D. "Special Delivery" Jones   vs   Ultramantis Black


Tell You're Friends!...


Doors open 7pm!...Bell time 8pm!...


Suprise Guest Referee!...We Wish We Could Tell You Who It Is!...You're Gonna Plotz!...


All this and Double Stuff Vanilla Oreos!...with Tea and Coffee!...


Two Be Continued!...

[TTX]

Baker vs Butcher should really please the Sisterhood.