January 16, 2091
Sparks. Lasers. Smoke. Explosions. And a pulsing theme...
Yeah, I get it, you're an outcast, always under attack,
Always coming in last, bringing up the past,
No one owes you anything!
I think you need a shotgun blast, a kick in the ass,
So paranoid, watch your back!
Oh my, here we go..."Macho Man" Randy Savage (with Cherie Dupré) vs. Butch MillerReferee: Joey Marella
Miller took an early advantage with an eye rake and went for a body slam, but Savage countered it and planted Miller with a piledriver. Savage mounted the top rope and waited (more than a moment) for the Sheepherder to make it back to his feet, then flew from the turnbuckle with a crushing double ax handle. Climbing to the top one more time, Savage hit his FLYING ELBOW DROP for the win.
WINNER: "Macho Man" Randy Savage via pinfall (3:06) *½
Backstage HijinksA camera caught up with "Rocker" Marty Jannetty in the back, appealing to JJ Dillon, Mike Rotunda, and Barry Windham to help him out in his main event match against the Rock & Roll Express. "Look, I have money," he said, reaching into his pocket and fanning out a small stack of one- and five-dollar bills. The three men laughed at him and walked away, leaving Jannetty crestfallen.
Hillbilly Jim vs. Tully Blanchard (with JJ Dillon)Referee: Danny Davis
Jim went right on the attack, locking his opponent in a crushing side headlock and squeezing with his powerful arms. Blanchard was barely able to escape and charge into the ropes, rebounding into a back body drop by the Hillbilly. Picking Blanchard up off the mat, Jim hit a body slam, and atomic drop, and finally a big boot to send Blanchard crashing to the mat, gasping for air. The big man from Mud Lick, Kentucky whipped Blanchard into the ropes, but he telegraphed a back body drop and got kicked in the throat for his trouble, allowing Blanchard to gain the upper hand. The not-Horseman sent Jim crashing into the corner with a series of dropkicks, then whipped him into the opposite corner and followed him in with a thunderous clothesline. Blanchard began stomping his opponent's chest mercilessly, trying to deprive him of oxygen before he went for the cover: one...two...no! Jim kicked out!
Blanchard began laying into Jim with clubbing forearms, but bit by bit, the big man was able to reach his feet, shrugging off the blows. His opponent shot in for a body slam, but Jim was simply too big and too strong: he blocked the move and delivered a nasty head butt to send Blanchard crashing back to the canvas. Jim dropped a big leg across his chest, then an elbow. He pulled Blanchard up to his feet, only to have his eyes raked. Jim was thrown out to the floor and given a ten count to get back in the ring while Blanchard fell to his knees, trying to catch his breath. Danny Davis had reached a count of seven before Jim cleared his vision and was able to climb through the ropes, where Blanchard was waiting for him. He set Jim up for a piledriver, but the big man was able to reverse it into a back body drop, sending Blanchard crashing to the mat one more time.
The Hillbilly whipped Blanchard into the ropes and hit a big boot which sent Blanchard stumbling backward and through the ropes to the floor. When it became apparent that Blanchard was going to walk back up the aisle and take a count out loss, Jim rolled out of the ring and intercepted him, driving a few punches into his head before JJ Dillon climbed onto the ring apron to complain to Danny Davis. With the referee distracted, Blanchard was able to kick his opponent between the legs, sending him crashing to the ground. Blanchard managed to drag Jim back to the ring and roll him in beneath the bottom rope, then hit a largely unnecessary SLINGSHOT SUPLEX for one...two...three!
WINNER: Tully Blanchard via pinfall (11:19) ½
Piper's Pit with special guest CWA Holovision Champion Gorgeous GeorgeAfter greeting the fans, Piper introduced his guest with a look of profound disgust on his face. George strolled out to new theme music (a piano concerto dedicated to the glory of...well, of George himself) and to the overwhelming jeers of the crowd. George made his way into the ring and greeted "Mr. Piper," adding that he hoped there would be "no unpleasant business" while he was out there.
Piper assured him that there would be no violence today before calling George "a stain on the underpants of life," to which the Gorgeous One, of course, took great offense. He got in Piper's face and was about to poke him in the chest and chastise him, which no doubt would have led to the very violence George had wanted to avoid. Before the Gorgeous One could make the first poke, however...
You know it's the MacMilitant...Coming to get it on...The General Manager danced out, providing just enough of a distraction for George to back away from Hot Rod, realizing he was about to step
way over the line. Teddy Long told Piper that there was no need for him to "take care of Gorgeous George," because he was about to do that himself. Long observed that George had been on a reign of terror lately, injuring anyone who crossed him. George nodded proudly and was about to respond, but Long cut him off, saying that there were a lot of people who wanted a piece of George, and Genie Teddy Long was "about to make all their wishes come true" in what he called George's "Sins of the Past" tour.
Long informed George that Lou Thesz was cleared to return from injury, and he had requested--and been granted--the opportunity to take on George in a sixty-minute Iron Man match on the very next card! George began to sputter in protest while Piper laughed, but Long help up a hand, saying "Wait, wait--I'm not done!" He announced that the Crusher was
also about to return from injury, and he would be facing the Gorgeous One on the card after next...in a no-disqualification Salt Lake City street fight! Piper began to guffaw loudly while George kicked the bottom rope in petulant anger, but Long chimed in again. "Wait, wait! I'm still not done!" Long went on to inform George that in two cards, the first show of March, he would be defending his "Television Championship" against "Macho Man" Randy Savage, who would be accompanied to the ring by Cherie Dupré!
George was beside himself and he didn't know if he wanted to scream, cry, protest...or maybe all three at once. Piper was slapping his knee as Teddy Long went on: "And, if you try to weasel out of any of those matches...you'll be stripped of the Television Title and banned from the CWA for life! Now...hit my music!"
The GM's signature theme began playing, and even Piper joined in on the dancing as Long made his way to the back, leaving George in the ring to ponder his fate.
Backstage HijinksThe backstage camera continued to follow Marty Jannetty as he searched for a partner--and this time he ran into Magnum TA (which drew a nice cheer from the crowd). Jannetty begged Magnum to team up with him in his match against the Rock & Roll Express, but the answer was a strong "no." At this point, Teddy Long, fresh from his appearance in the aisle, strolled past, telling Jannetty that he had better work harder to find a partner, because if he didn't work something out, he'd have to forfeit the match. This caused the "Rocker" to make one more plea to Magnum TA, who simply shoved past him and walked into the locker room. Jannetty called after him, "Is that a maybe?"
Non-Title Match: CWA World Tag Team Champions The Midnight Express (with Jim Cornette and Big Bubba Rogers) vs. The Dream Team (with "Luscious" Johnny V)
Referee: Morgan Dollar
The ill will between these two teams was apparent even before the match started, as Johnny V and Jim Cornette got into a heated argument and shoving match at ringside. Big Bubba Rogers threatened to intervene on behalf of Cornette, bringing Morgan Dollar out of the ring to try and restore some semblance of order. Bobby Eaton climbed through the ropes to try and calm Cornette down, and Stan Lane leaned over the top rope, shouting threats at his opponents' manager. Unfortunately, that left him alone in the ring with both members of the Dream Team--and his back was to them. Greg Valentine took this opportunity to retrieve a chair from ringside and smash it across Lane's back, leaving him writhing on the mat in pain. Eaton immediately slid into the ring to protect his partner while Johnny V retreated to his charges' corner and Cornette screamed bloody murder.
With the situation on the floor largely resolved (aside from Cornette's continuing tirade against Morgan Dollar, his eyesight, his hearing, his pet dog, and the circumstances of his birth), the referee made his way into the ring and called for the bell. Valentine went to immediate work on Lane's back, hammering him with a series of clubbing forearms before tagging in Brutus Beefcake, who slammed Lane on his ailing back. Beefcake invested a moment or three in kicking Lane while he was down, then tagged his partner back into the match.
Valentine changed things up, going for a shoulder breaker to soften up Lane's arm for...reasons. The Hammer stomped on Lane's shoulder, then hauled him to his feet and whipped him into the ropes; Lane ducked under an attempted clothesline and came back with one of his own, finally creating some separation between himself and the Dream Team. Valentine climbed awkwardly to his feet and charged at Lane, who grabbed the top rope and dropped down. The Hammer hit the ropes and tumbled over them to the arena floor, hitting his shoulder on the ring apron as he tumbled down and allowing Lane to finally tag in his partner.
Eaton waited for Valentine to roll back into the ring and immediately dropped a devastating knee across his opponent's shoulder, making the cover for one...two...no! He climbed to the top rope and hit an ALABAMA JAM, again making the cover but only securing a two-count. Valentine took a wild swing and caught his opponent on the chin, knocking him for a loop, then went for an atomic drop. Eaton flipped out of the attempted maneuver, leapt onto the Hammer's back and clamped on a sleeper hold. Johnny V immediately climbed onto the ring apron to grab Morgan Dollar's attention, allowing Beefcake to come into the ring and break up the hold with a running knee to Eaton's exposed back.
Both men managed to drag themselves to their respective corners to make much-needed tags, and Lane and Beefcake charged into the center of the ring, exchanging fists to the face despite the protests of Morgan Dollar. Beefcake ceased his attack to ask what Dollar's issue was...but this allowed Lane to slip in one more punch to his opponent's unprotected jaw. Beefcake went down hard, and Lane tagged in his partner; Eaton climbed to the top rope and Lane launched him halfway across the ring to land on Beefcake. The official dove into position and made the count: one...two...thr-- Valentine with the save!
Eaton went up top, waited for Beefcake to stagger to his feet, and came off with a beautiful flying cross body block for one...two...thre-- Beefcake kicked out! Eaton hit his ALABAMA JAM for the second time for one...two...thre-- Beefcake kicked out again! Eaton ran the ropes, possibly thinking sunset flip, as Beefcake was climbing to his feet, but the two men cracked heads in the middle of the ring and went down hard! Each was able to roll to their corners and make a tag, and the match was down to Valentine vs. Lane again.
The Hammer drove a knee into Lane's midsection, forcing the air from his lungs, then scooped him up and dropped him throat-first across the top rope with a Hot Shot. Lane was still struggling to breathe when Valentine picked him for a piledriver that left him crumpled on the mat. No cover--instead Valentine hit another piledriver! Still no cover! Beefcake tagged back into the match and the Dream Team hit a brutal spike piledriver on Lane, who was now laying helpless on the mat. Beefcake finally went for a pinfall, but wound up looking around in confusion when there was no count; Jim Cornette had Dollar tied up with another tirade about the legitimacy of the referee's children. Beefcake charged over and forcibly turned Dollar around, then made another cover: one...two...thr-- Eaton with the save! This brought Valentine charging back into the ring, and both members of the Dream Team advanced until Eaton was cornered...
Thinking quickly, Jim Cornette threw his tennis racket to his charge, who took a wild swing and hit Beefcake! Another swing took out Valentine, and Eaton quickly sent them scattering from the ring with the foreign object. Unfortunately, this all happened in plain view of Morgan Dollar, who was forced to call for the bell.
WINNERS: The Dream Team via disqualification (22:22) ****
Backstage HijinksThis time, the camera captured Marty Jannetty talking with Bobby "the Brain Heenan." Jannetty was begging Heenan to send a member of the Family out to the ring with him to take on the Rock & Roll Express. Heenan looked exasperated, and finally said, "Kid, we've got enough problems of our own." Heenan turned to walk away, then stopped and looked back at Jannetty with a near-grin. "Come to think of it, I think I
can get you a tag team partner. Come with me." Jannetty gleefully fell into step beside him, and Heenan patted him on the back as they walked away.
"American Dragon" Bryan Danielson vs. "The Russian Bear" Ivan KoloffReferee: Dick Woehrle
This was a rematch from
Last Stand in Oklahoma City, where Koloff's victory cost Danielson his shot at the Million Dollar Man. It seemed Koloff was determined to repeat his victory, as he came charging down the aisle while Danielson was still on his way to the ring, his chain wrapped around his forearm. However, the sudden screaming of the crowd tipped Danielson off and he spun around and caught Koloff with a drop toe hold. The Russian Bear hit the ramp hard and his chain went clattering away. While Koloff attempted to pick himself up and shake off the cobwebs, Danielson wrapped the chain around his own first and blasted Koloff with it, all but laying him out. Referee Dick Woehrle rushed to Koloff's side, berating Danielson for the illegal tactic and, once it was clear that Koloff was going to be able to wrestle, berating
him for starting things. All three men made their way to the ring--though Koloff was still more than a bit woozy--and the official called for the bell.
Danielson charged at his stunned opponent and went for a flying knee strike, but it turned out Koloff was playing possum, as he sidestepped and the American Dragon's knee crashed into the top turnbuckle. Danielson went down hard, clutching his knee, and rolled out to the floor to recuperate. With Koloff remaining in the ring, Danielson was able to stretch his knee and work out a couple of the kinks, making it beneath the bottom rope once the official had reached a count of eight.
With both men equally injured (Koloff's jaw and Danielson's knee), they circled and locked up one more time. Danielson took Koloff down with a fireman's carry, but the Russian Bear popped up to his feet immediately. The American Dragon struck again, this time with a European forearm that failed to faze his opponent, who responded with a head butt between Danielson's eyes that left the fan favorite reeling. Koloff lifted him up with one hand and choke slammed him down to the mat, making the cover but only earning a two-count. Koloff retreated to the corner and waited for Danielson to regain his feet. When he did, the Russian Bear charged: RUSSIAN SICKLE! Koloff made the cover for one...two...no! Danielson kicked out at two!
Enraged by the failure of his signature move to put Danielson away, Koloff went on a tear. He dropped a knee across Danielson's throat and make a cover, only for Morgan Dollar to refuse to make the count because of the blow to the neck. The Russian Bear was enraged and shouted at the referee, but took his anger out on Danielson. a neckbreaker left him reeling and clutching his throat, which was already weakened. Koloff planted him with another choke slam, then drove his head into the mat with a 747. The Russian made the cover, but only earned another two-count. Once again, Koloff became irate with the official and jumped to his feet, screaming at Morgan Dollar and backing him into the corner. His tirade did not last very long, however, as a staggered Danielson--acting primarily on instinct--climbed to his feet, locked Koloff in a full nelson, and took him over with a bridging dragon suplex before the Russian Bear had a chance to break the submission hold. Dollar dove into position and made the count: onetwothree, and Danielson earned his win back!
WINNER: "American Dragon" Bryan Danielson via pinfall (9:20) ***
The Rock & Roll Express vs. "Rocker" Marty Jannetty and...?Referee: James Beard
Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson came out to the ring first, high diving each other and delighting the fans in attendance--especially the younger female ones. James Beard checked them for foreign objects and the three of them collectively waited for Jannetty and his partner. The "Rocker's" music played, but there was still no sign of him. The music stopped, then started again, and Jannetty emerged from the curtain alone and looking utterly dejected. He took a few steps, then looked hopefully back at the curtain, perhaps waiting for his partner to emerge. No one. Finally, his head drooping all the way to his chest, Jannetty returned to the back and emerged moments later with...
A blow-up doll.
The crowd erupted into raucous laughter, Gibson and Morton exchanged glances, then burst into hysterics, and even James Beard struggled to suppress a chortle or two. Jannetty half-carried and half-dragged the doll to the ring, then used the tag rope to tie her to the top turnbuckle so she wouldn't fall off the apron. Jannetty climbed into the ring, his face a study in misery, and fell back into his corner, as if he were exhausted. Morton left the ring to stand on the apron, and Gibson approached Jannetty, feeling some degree of sympathy for him and asking if he didn't want to just forfeit the match. The words had barely left his lips when...
WHAM!!! Jannetty swung with a loaded right hand and connected with Gibson's jaw. Quarters exploded from his fist and flew everywhere, and James Beard hastily called for the bell as Jannetty dove onto his fallen opponent to make the cover. The official slid into position and counted one...two...and Morton was there, catching Beard's hand so he couldn't slap the mat a third time. Beard broke free and Jannetty hit Morton with a blindside dropkick, sending him tumbling out of the ring, and pressed the attack. Gibson endured an atomic drop and a flying first drop before Jannetty hit a ROCKER DROPPER for one...two...Morton with the save! Jannetty began stomping on Gibson's head mercilessly, until Morton got involved again, running into the ring and taking Jannetty's head off with a clothesline. While the "Rocker" recovered, Morton dragged his partner back into their corner and tagged himself into the match.
Morton took the fight to his opponent, going so far as to telling him to "go tag out" to his partner. He continued to pummel Jannetty while Gibson shook off the cobwebs, until he could tag back into the match. Morton and Gibson fired Jannetty into the ropes and sent him flying high into the air with a double back body drop. As Morton left the ring, Gibson whipped his opponent into the ropes and was going to leapfrog over him...but Jannetty had the same idea, and the two men cracked heads. Gibson fell to the mat in a daze and Jannetty dropped more or less straight down...on top of Gibson. Morton was still in the process of leaving the ring and had no chance to turn around and charge back in for the save as James Beard counted one...two...three! Morton and Gibson are forced out of the CWA, and Jannetty gains control of the "Rock & Roll Express" name!
WINNER: Marty Jannetty and...a blow-up doll via pinfall (7:40) **
Vivint Arena Capacity: 19,911
Paid Attendance: SELLOUT
Cyberlink Views: 470,737
