HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars
May 1, 2125
Before the first match took place, newly retired HWA commissioner Thomas Nixon enters the ring as the crowd cheers and chants his name and takes the mike.
THOMAS NIXON
I’d like to thank you for that warm response. This decision to retire doesn’t come as much of a shock to many of the wrestlers in the back. They knew big changes were coming, and my leaving would be the first of many of those big changes. But I want to tell you that I’ve enjoyed every moment being your commissioner. I tried to be as fair as I possibly could, even when it seemed at times that I’ve been more harsh with those you fans have considered to be the bad guys. But now it’s time for me to go quietly into that good night and become one of you fans while spending more time with my ailing wife, who’s been battling a rare heart disease for many years. As you know, a new commissioner has been named. In fact, he’s also the new owner of the Heavenly Wrestling Association. So at this time, I’d like to officially turn the show over to the new owner and commissioner of the HWA, Vincent Shawn Helmsley. (The new owner and commissioner, who looks like sort of a cross between WWE owner Vincent K. McMahon Jr. and his son-in-law, Paul “Triple H” Levecque, walks down to the aisle to a mixed reaction from the crowd and enters the ring to take the mike and shake Mr. Nixon’s hand.
VINCENT SHAWN HELMSLEY
On behalf of all of us at the Heavenly Wrestling Association, I’d like to thank you Mr. Nixon for your many years of service, and let me say that my prayers as well as the prayers of the fans and wrestlers are with you and your wife. (Mr. Nixon leaves the ring and walks up the entrance ramp.) Now, let me address what’s on everybody’s mind. Yes, I am a descendant of the most famous family of Earth wrestling promoters, and with my inheritance I have bought this little two-bit promotion in hopes of doing what my ancestors have done successfully, and that’s bring it to the top of the wrestling business. If things go well here, I hope to even buy out the Galactic Wrestling Federation. But the first order of business here is to increase the fan attendance. Let’s face it, this building seats 100 people, but we’re currently only drawing one-fifth of that on a good day. Therefore, let me lay out my plan. (Suddenly, Flexicon’s music blares through the loudspeakers as he makes his way to the ring and grabs another mike.)
FLEXICON
Let me get this straight. You’re the new owner
and the new commissioner for the HWA, am I right.
VINCENT SHAWN HELMSLEY
That’s right, now get to your point, Flexicon.
FLEXICON
My point is that my match with Warren Peace tonight should be for the HWA Heavyweight title, not a non-title match.
VINCENT SHAWN HELMSLEY
Oh yeah? Well, “Flexie Boy”, I looked at your won-loss record since you’ve debuted with the HWA. It’s very impressive. You were even the HWA Tri-Planetary champion at one point, a title if I had my way would go in the trash. There should only be one title that everybody should strive to achieve in the HWA, and that‘s the HWA Heavyweight title. But even though I‘m the owner, the championship committee still has a vote in what titles are up for grabs in the HWA. But I digress. As for you, lately your losing streak, including last week’s title match against Warren hasn’t impressed me one bit. Now, for some odd reason, the championship committee seems to think that you’re the number one contender for the title, which is something I‘m going to have to look into. So if you want another shot at the HWA title in the near-future, then you’re going to have to win your non-title match against Warren Peace tonight by either pinfall or submission. Show me just how badly you want the title. Now, if you don’t mind, get out of my ring so I can finish what I have to say. (Flexicon protests all the way back up the entrance aisle and back through the curtains, with security bringing up the rear, making sure he leaves the ring area.) Now, before I was so rudely interrupted, I was about to announce my plan for increasing the fan attendance at the HWA Arena. I only plan to keep the cream of the crop on the roster, and if you can’t perform to that level of expectation, then I've got one more option for you before offering you your outright release. As of today, the training facility for the HWA,
Paradise and Pinfalls will now become a developmental territory for the HWA, and I'm changing the name of the training and developmental facility to
Pinfalls In Paradise. I've spared no great expense to bring in fresh talent from all around the galaxy to the PIP roster, and in the future, those HWA stars I feel need additional training or maybe a re-tool will be sent to PIP. Therefore, beginning May 4, right here in the HWA Arena, I'm ordering a tournament to crown the PIP Heavyweight and Tag Team champions, and maybe sometime down the line, once we sign a few more ladies to the PIP roster, we'll hold a tournament to crown a PIP Ladies champion. So, in conclusion, if you want to remain on the HWA roster, you need to impress me enough to want to keep you. Now, without further ado, let's start the show, and welcome to a new era in the HWA.
* Bootylicious Bertha pinned Mynx with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.
* The C&C Connection defeated Esther-Jenn when Chandra pinned Esther with a double-team Million Dollar Fist Drop with Carissa as the referee was escorting Jenn back to her corner after she saved Esther from being pinned by the CRESCENT KICK.
* Halle Burton pinned Alison Chainz with a tilt-a-whirl clothesline.
* 'Nuff's Enough defeated the Sisters at Heart to win the opportunity to challenge the Queen Bees tomorrow for the HWA Ladies Tag Team titles when, after jumping them from behind and knocking Desiree out of the ring, Justine Nuff pinned Ambrosia with the 'NUFF SAID.
* The TNT Boyz defeated the Deadly Sins when Terry pinned B.L. Zebob with a pescado.
* Boogie Lou pinned Epsilon Beta with the DISCO DUCK.
(The camera cuts to HWA announcer Austin Williams)
AUSTIN WILLIAMS
All right fans, we have the new owner and commissioner, Vincent Shawn Helmsley, on standby in his office. Hopefully, he can shed a little more light about the new developmental territory,
Pinfalls In Paradise. (Vincent appears on a split screen). Mr. Helmsley, can you shed some light on some of the names you've already signed to the
Pinfalls In Paradise roster?
VINCENT SHAWN HELMSLEY
Certainly, Austin. The majority of the signings came from the Andromeda system. Names like Black Sheep, Hefhawg, Big Cock Murdock, Salami Joe, "Big Kitty Snooze No-Sell" Kevin Gnash, are among the AniMen who've joined PIP. In addition, you'll see some great tag teams like Zero Gravity, the Damn Dirty Apes, the Lost Animal Xchange, and the Masters of Darkness. And who knows, if any talent on the PIP roster impress me, you may even see them called up the the HWA roster.
AUSTIN WILLIAMS
Well, thank you for that informative insight. We'll sure look forward to seeing all of that great talent in action.
VINCENT SHAWN HELMSLEY
My pleasure, Austin.
* Dewie Cheatham made Billy B. submit to a belly-to-back bear hug.
* Sheik Khalid Sirhan pinned Hurricane with the ALLAH AHKBAR after hitting him in the head with a hidden sharp object and throwing powder in Hurricane's eyes.
* Lucy Kannin pinned Val Hailey with a side slam.
* 666 pinned Gangurru with a piledriver.
* HWA Heavyweight champion Warren Peace pinned Flexicon in a non-title match with the ART OF WAR, denying Flexicon the opporunity to challenge for the HWA Heavyweight title in the near-future.
*
HWA LADIES TITLE RE-MATCH: Demiah the Devil's Daughter re-captured the HWA Ladies title when she pinned Aphrodi-Tina with the DEVIL'S SEED.
*
MAIN EVENT--HWA TAG TEAM TITLE RE-MATCH[/U][/I]: The Annihilators re-captured the HWA Tag Team titles from the Destructive Forces when Krogon pinned Tornado with a double-team spinebuster while the referee was escorting Volcano back to his corner after saving Tornado from being pinned with the IMMINENT DESTRUCTION.
