Heavenly Wrestling Association update

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

February 28, 2125

(The camera opens up to a cell door. The camera pans in through the small window and Val Kira rushes to the door.)

VAL KIRA

Let me out of here, [censored]!

VALKYRIE CELL GUARD

Be quiet in there! When the All-Father’s ready to see you, then we’ll let you out!

VAL KIRA

Odin can go to Hel, and so can you! I’m not staying here forever! (Val Hailey enters the room with the cell.)

VAL HAILEY

Father’s ready. Bring her.

(The camera fades out, and then fades back in to the HWA Arena, where HWA play-by-play commentator Austin Williams sits at the announcer’s table.)

AUSTIN WILLIAMS

Welcome fans to another episode of the Heavenly Wrestling Association. As you can tell from our video feed, it looks like Val Hailey made good on her vow last night when she said she was going to bring Val Kira back to Asgard to face Odin. We’re going to keep checking back on this story throughout the night, but for now, let’s get to our first match.

* Bayne made Dewie Cheatham submit to the BAYNE-BREAKER.

* Alison Chainz made Colly Flower submit to No Excuses.

* Harvard Yale pinned Epsilon Beta with the IVY LEAGUE.

* The TNT Boyz defeated Road-Rayge when Terry pinned Rayge with the C-4.

* Slap Stick pinned Billy B. when Billy missed a running shoulder tackle attempt in the corner.

*The Killer Whales defeated Surf’s Up when Body Glove was counted out.

(The camera fades out and fades back in to a giant banquet hall. Odin the All-Father sits at the center of a long table. Val Kira is led into the banquet hall by the cell guard. Her arms are bound behind her back by a metal manacle which is secured to a metal collar on her neck.)

ODIN

Bring her before me. (Val is brought to the table and forced to kneel.) Daughter Kira, you’ve been brought before me to answer for your crimes.

VAL KIRA

[censored]!

ODIN

Watch your tongue, or I’ll silence it for you. You stand before me charged with 294 counts of murder, uncountable counts of failure to perform your born duties, 1 count of having a romantic relationship with a deceased soul whom you were supposed to bring to Val Halla, and 1 count of bringing said deceased soul back to life. How do you answer for your charges?

VAL KIRA

This is my answer, Father! (All of a sudden, fire and smoke erupts around Val Kira. When it clears, she has disappeared!)

ODIN

Don’t let her escape! Find her and bring her back! And find whoever it was that helped her to escape! (Every warrior, including Val Hailey, scrambles to leave the room and search for Val Kira, except for Loki, who stands behind a curtain, smirking. Odin, sensing this, turns towards Loki.) You helped my daughter escape! What manner of treachery is this?!

LOKI

Treachery? No, Father, there’s no treachery. I’ve only given her everything she wants, for a price.

ODIN

What have you given her and what price has she paid.

LOKI

She wanted to live her life as a wrestler with the life of that soldier restored, that’s what I’ve given her. All she had to do was to give up her life as a Valkyrie and become a normal mortal woman. And when her mate dies, she’ll die as well, for their life forces have been fused together as one. Therefore, if you want Kira to die, you must kill her mate. In the same regard, if you want her mate to join the honored dead in Val Halla, you must kill Kira. Quite a bargain, I’d say.

ODIN

So be it. As long as Kira never attempts to return to Asgard or Val Halla, she will happily live her life with her mate as a mortal woman. As far as I’m concerned, Kira is no longer my daughter. Find Hailey and bring her to me.

LOKI

Yes, Lord Odin. Loki runs out of the great hall as the camera fades out and fades back in to the HWA Arena.)

AUSTIN WILLIAMS

Well, it looks like Val Kira has managed to escape from Asgard, but if she can manage to find her way back to the HWA, she’ll return as a mortal woman. But what about Val Hailey? What will Odin decide to do with her? We’ll keep you abreast of this story as it develops. For now, let’s get on to our next match-up.

* Aphrodi-Tina pinned Halle Burton with the BOOK OF LOVE.

* Herman Glopp is still the HWA Tri-Planetary champion when he pinned Devil’s Reject with the Pearl Harbor Bomb.

* Bootylicious Bertha pinned Abercrombie [censored] when she rolled through a deathjump cross body block attempt.

* Ambrosia is still the HWA Ladies champion when she pinned Demiah the Devil’s Daughter with a hurricanrana.

And in the main event, the Annihilators successfully defended the HWA Tag Team titles by defeating the Progressives when Pthalos pinned Guy-Koh with the IMMINENT DESTRUCTION.

(The camera fades out one final time and fades back into the great hall, where Loki brings Val Hailey before Odin and his son Thor.)

VAL HAILEY

Loki, I don’t know what trick you’re dreaming up, but I’ve no time for this. I must find and bring Kira back.

ODIN

Silence, daughter! You’ve done well bringing Kira home, despite the fact that she’s escaped, but Loki’s taken measures to ensure that she’ll never return to Asgard or Val Halla again.

VAL HAILEY

What have you done, Loki?

ODIN

As a condition of her escape, Loki has taken away Kira’s immortality and allowed her soldier mate to live once again. They’ll live out their lives as mortal beings, but their life forces are now and forever intertwined, so if one dies, the other dies. You will return to the Heavenly Wrestling Association and keep an eye on Kira wherever she goes, and you will make sure that she never attempts to return to Asgard or Val Halla as long as she lives.

VAL HAILEY

Yes, Father. It shall be done, but if I may be allowed to ask a favor of you?

ODIN

I know what’s in your heart, Hailey. You’ve found the appeal in Kira’s newly-chosen life, and wish to remain in the HWA as a wrestler, as well, am I correct?

VAL HAILEY

Yes, Father. I would like to stay in the HWA as a wrestler until the day that Kira dies, and then I shall return to Val Halla and resume my duties as a born Valkyrie.

ODIN

So be it, daughter. But remember that you are forbidden to fall in love.

VAL HAILEY

Would that really be so bad, Father? Is it really Kira’s rebellion spreading throughout the sisters that you fear, or could it be that Kira’s rebellion is really the start of an evolutionary change in us that you fear?

ODIN

For that insolence, daughter, you too, shall be stripped of your immortality! (A bolt of force shoots forth from Odin’s blind eye and strikes Val Hailey.) Get thee from my sight! (Val Hailey disappears from the great hall in a puff of smoke.)

THOR

At the risk of facing your wrath, Father, Hailey may be right about Kira. She may very well be the beginnings of an evolutionary change in the Valkyries. Since the beginning of time, they’ve been born and bred for one purpose and one purpose only, but perhaps now they’re beginning to feel they want more out of their lives than to be nothing more than pall bearers for the heroes who’ve fallen in battle.

ODIN

And what would become of the children of those Valkyries who wish to follow Kira’s example and those mortals whom they’re supposed to bring to Val Halla when they die. I’ve seen on countless worlds as well as Earth that half-breed children, regardless of race, are ostracized and sometimes even killed for nothing more than the fact that neither race will accept them. What do you think would happen to half-god children? Would you wish the same tragic fate befall upon them, as well?

THOR

I don’t know, Father, but your daughters cannot deny their deep-seeded feelings forever. Eventually, they will want to fall in love and take mates of their own.

ODIN

You’ve given me much to think about and perhaps someday I’ll restore Hailey’s immortality, but for now, it has been a long day, and I must rest.

(The camera fades to black)

---

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION RANKINGS
As of February 28, 2010

HWA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: King Kobra
HWA TRI-PLANETARY CHAMPION: Herman Glopp

1. Victor E.
2. Flexicon
3. Devil’s Reject
4. Big Poppa Roach
5. Dingo
6. Gangurru
7. Hurricane
8. Scott Creed
9. Ugly Coyote
10. Warren Peace

HWA TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: ANNIHILATORS (Pthalos & Krogon)

1. KILLER WHALES (Orca & Willy)
2. PROGRESSIVES (A-Flack & Guy-Koh)
3. DESTRUCTIVE FORCES (Volcano & Tornado)
4. ROAD-RAYGE (Roadkill & Rayge)
5. SURF’S UP (Body Glove & Ray-Ban
6. ARK ANGEL (Michael & Gabriel)
7. TNT BOYZ (Tracey & Terry)
8. SAMOAN VICE SQUAD (S’Nunu & Tika)
9. DEADLY SINS (Levi-Ethan & B.L. Zebob)

HWA LADIES CHAMPION: Ambrosia

1. Bootylicious Bertha
2. Pearl E. Gates
3. Demiah the Devil’s Daughter
4. Aphrodi-Tina
5. Abercrombie [censored]
6. Lucy Kannin
7. Holly Pena
8. Val Kira
9. Val Hailey
10. Halle Burton

HWA LADIES TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: ESTHER-JENN (Esther & Jenn)

1. QUEEN BEES (Beatrice & Beulah)
2. WALK OF FAME (Barbie Blaze & Holly Wood)
3. JACKSON JILLS (Peppermint Patty & Julie)
4. EVERYTHING NICE (Sugah & Spyce)
5. C&C CONNECTION (Chandra & Carissa)
6. ‘NUFF’S ENOUGH (Justine & Tuffy Nuff)
7. SISTERS OF PAIN (Jenna Love & Debbie Hate)

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
Titan Gravityball Gym; Titan, Saturn

March 6, 2125

* Aphrodi-Tina pinned Abercrombie [censored] with a small package off the ropes.

* Val Kira defeated Val Hailey by count out.

* Warren Peace pinned Billy B. with a hurricanrana.

* Holly Pena pinned Lucy Kannin with the PICANTE.

* Scott Creed pinned 666 by MY SACRIFICE.

(The camera cuts to Val Hailey in her locker room, packing up her wrestling gear. It appears as she’s crying as a shadow appears behind her. She turns around, and Val Kira is standing behind her.)

VAL KIRA

So, our great and mighty Father decides he’s going to strip you of your immortality, too, huh? All for putting the question of an evolutionary change in the entire Valkyrie sisterhood. Well, far be it for me to say “I told you so,” but…

VAL HAILEY

Get out of here now, Kira, or so help me, I’ll kill you. Oh, wait! I forgot, you die and so does your boyfriend.

VAL KIRA

It’s what I’ve been trying to say for ages, but nobody’s believe me. Our father doesn’t care about any of our sisters. He’d just as soon strip all of us of our immortality. He’s been bewitched. (Val Hailey sniffles and wipes a tear away.)

VAL HAILEY

Yeah, right. You know, it’s my fault. Just before he stripped me of my immortality, for a brief second, I actually believed that you may have been the seed of an evolutionary change in the Valkyries.

VAL KIRA

Honey, you haven’t grasped the big picture. It’s not just an evolutionary change in the Valkyries that he fears. It’s an evolutionary change in all of the gods and goddesses on Asgard he fears. That’s the Ragnarok that was foretold. The end times that our father fears is the day that mortal choose to no longer believe in the gods. Little by little, day by day, as the gods lose their powers over the mortals, they lose a bit of their immortality until eventually one day the gods themselves become nothing more than mere mortals. But it’s still generations away. You and I will have long been dead and crumbled to dust before that ever happens.

VAL HAILEY

You, maybe. But I still believe that Father will change his mind someday and restore my immortality. It’s the only hope I still have left to cling to, and until that day, I’m going to continue to hold myself to the values I’ve lived with ever since I was born, even it you’ve long since rejected them. Now, get out.

VAL KIRA

Fine, I tried to reach out to you and you spit in my face. (Val Kira starts to walk out of the locker room, but then turns around with a scowl on her face) I hope to hell you never get your immortality back! I’m going to spend the rest of my life making sure you suffer until you beg me to kill you, and when that day comes, I’ll grant you your wish! (Val Hailey charges and spears Val Kira to the floor, and the two girls roll on the ground, each trying to choke the life out of the other, until several wrestlers, referees and officials break the two apart.)

* Harvard Yale pinned Hurricane with the IVY LEAGUE.

* Big Poppa Roach pinned Gangurru with the ROACH MOTEL.

* HWA TRI-PLANETARY TITLE MATCH: Devils Reject defeated Herman Glopp by disqualification when Herman repeatedly rammed Devil’s Reject’s head into the security rail, but due to the fact that titles in the HWA only change hands by pinfall or submission, Herman Glopp is still the HWA Tri-Planetary champion.

* Flexicon defeated Dingo by disqualification when Dingo repeatedly whipped Flexicon into the security rails.

* Demiah the Devil’s Daughter pinned Pearl E. Gates with the DEVIL’S SEED.

* HWA LADIES TITLE MATCH: Bootylicious Bertha defeated Ambrosia by count out due to a springboard moonsault to the floor, but due to the fact that titles in the HWA only change hands by pinfall or submission, Ambrosia is still the HWA Ladies champion.

* MAIN EVENT: HWA HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: King Kobra made Victor E. submit to the KOBRA KROSS KLUTCH to hold onto the HWA Heavyweight title.

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
Plutonium; Pluto

March 7, 2125

* The C&C Connection defeated the Sisters of Pain when Carissa pinned Jenna Love with the SOCCER KICK.

* Dustin DeWind pinned Dewie Cheatham with the POINT OF KNOW RETURN.

* Alison Chainz pinned Shannon Egans with the ROOSTER.

* Everything Nice defeated ‘Nuff’s Enough when Spyce pinned Justine Nuff after Sugah dropped an elbow on Justine as the referee was escorting Tuffy back to her corner in order to save Spyce from being pinned by a gut wrench suplex.

* Armageddon pinned Bayne with a deathjump cross body block.

* Halle Burton pinned Colly Flower with a frog splash.

* Sheik Khalid Sirhan made Epsilon Beta submit to a camel clutch.

* The Jackson Jills defeated the Walk of Fame when Barbie Blaze was counted out.

* Ace Endehole pinned Slapstick with a slingshot somersault leg drop.

* The Ark Angels in their first match back since Gabriel was injured several weeks ago defeated Surf’s Up when Gabriel pinned Body Glove with a hurricanrana.

* Road-Rayge defeated the Progressives when Rayge pinned A-Flack with the DEVASTATION.

* HWA LADIES TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The Queen Bees once again became the HWA Ladies Tag Team champions, defeating Esther-Jenn when Beatrice pinned Jenn after Jenn missed a running shoulder tackle in the corner.

* MAIN EVENT--HWA TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The Annihilators defeated the Killer Whales to hold onto the HWA Tag belts when Pthalos pinned Willy with the IMMINENT DESTRUCTION.

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

March 13, 2125

* Everything Nice defeated the Sisters of Pain when Sugah pinned Jenna love with the EYE CANDY.

* Val Hailey defeated Halle Burton when Halle was counted out.

* The TNT Boyz defeated the returning Destructive Forces when Tracey pinned Tornado (who showed some signs of ring rust following his latest trip to the disabled list) with the IMPLOSION.

* 666 defeated Gangurru by disqualification following a brawl outside the ring.

* Harvard Yale pinned Hurricane with the IVY LEAGUE.

* Road-Rayge defeated the Progressives when Rayge pinned A-Flack (who was unable to tag in his partner Guy-Koh during the entire match) with the FURIOUS ANGER.

* Dingo pinned Ugly Coyote with the BOOMERANG BANG. After the match, Big Poppa Roach entered the ring and helped Ugly Coyote deliver a devastating double clothesline. Then, as Dingo was struggling to get back to his feet, Ugly Coyote proceeded to give Dingo 3 MESA MOON HOWLs, which put Dingo out of action for 6 shows. Afterward, Ugly Coyote grabbed the mike.

UGLY COYOTE

I hope your tiny little Outback pea brain remembers what I’ve just done to you the next time you want to put me out of work, because I can give just as well as I get! (Ugly Coyote spits on his fallen enemy, and then leaves so that the medics could cart him away on a stretcher.)

* Scott Creed pinned Big Poppa Roach by MY SACRIFICE.

* Herman Glopp is still the HWA Tri-Planetary champion when he pinned Devil’s Reject with a shoulder breaker.

* The Queen Bees are still the HWA Ladies Tag Team champions defeating Esther-Jenn when Beatrice pinned Jenn with a running spear.

* Abercrombie [censored] pinned Aphrodi-Tina with the 69 DRIVER.

* Demiah the Devil’s Daughter pinned Pearl E. Gates with the DEVIL’S SEED.

* And in the main event, King Kobra still holds the HWA Heavyweight strap when he made Victor E. tap out for a second time in a row to the KOBRA KROSS KLUTCH.

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

March 14, 2125

* ‘Nuff’s Enough defeated the C&C Connection when Tuffy Nuff pinned Chandra with the SHO’ ‘NUFF.

* Colly Flower pinned Shannon Egans with the DOG’S DAY.

* Bayne made Dustin DeWind submit to the BAYNE-BREAKER.

* Walk of Fame defeated the Jackson Jills when Barbie Blaze pinned Julie with the B-MOVIE BLAST. After the match, they were quick to issue a challenge to the new HWA Ladies Tag Team champions the Queen Bees, for a title match on the next show.

* Epsilon Beta pinned Slap Stick with the BETA MAX.

* Deadly Sins defeated Surf’s Up when B.L. Zebob made Body Glove submit to the GLUTTONY.

* Dewie Cheatham pinned Billy B. with a running spear off the ropes.

* Val Kira pinned Alison Chainz via VAL KIRA’S RIDE.

* Warren Peace put Armageddon to sleep with a sleeper hold.

* Sheik Khalid Sirhan pinned Ace Endehole with a belly to back reverse fallaway slam.

* Holly Pena pinned Lucy Kannin with the PICANTE.

* Bootylicious Bertha pinned Ambrosia to become the new HWA Ladies champion when she rolled through a deathjump cross body block.

* And in the main event, the Annihilators defended the HWA Tag Team titles when Krogon pinned Willy after Orca accidentally hit his own partner with a top turnbuckle elbow smash that was intended for Krogon.

[barnestormer]

(I’m posting this a day early because I’m scheduled to work tomorrow from 10AM to 2PM, and right after that, I’m going straight to the Merchant’s Flea Market in Dayton for the IPWA’s monthly wrestling show, MARCH MELTDOWN.--DPB)

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

March 20, 2125

* Everything Nice defeated the Jackson Jills when Sugah pinned Julie with the EYE CANDY.

* Hurricane made 666 submit to a Boston Crab.

* Holly Pena pinned Val Kira with the PICANTE after Kira missed a suicide dive and crashed headfirst to the floor.

* Warren Peace made Ugly Coyote submit to a sleeper hold.

* The Progressives defeated Road-Rayge when Guy-Koh pinned Roadkill with a double-team enzuigiri after Rayge saved Roadkill from being pinned by the GUY-KOH-NATOR.

* Harvard Yale pinned Scott Creed with the IVY LEAGUE.

* Abercrombie [censored] pinned Aphrodi-Tina with the 69 DRIVER.

* HWA LADIES TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: In what could arguably be a “Match of the Year” candidate, the Queen Bees held onto the HWA Ladies Tag Team titles after an intense battle with the Walk of Fame when Holly Wood was counted out of the ring following a springboard moonsault to the floor by Beulah.

* Flexicon pinned Devil’s Reject with MR. UNIVERSE.

* Pearl E. Gates pinned Demiah the Devil’s Daughter with the GATES OF HEAVEN.

* HWA HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Victor E. became the HWA Heavyweight champion when he pinned King Kobra with the VICTOR E. PRESS.

* MAIN EVENT--HWA LADIES TITLE RE-MATCH[/B]: Bootylicious Bertha successfully defended the HWA Ladies title over former champion Ambrosia when she pinned Mrs. Epsilon Beta with the BOOTY BOMB.

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

March 21, 2125

* Esther-Jenn defeated the Sisters of Pain when Esther pinned Jenna Love with an exploder suplex.

* Lucy Kannin pinned Val Hailey via LIGHT THE FUSE.

* Billy B. defeated Dewie Cheatham by disqualification when Dewie ALWAYS CHEATed when Howe interfered to help Dewie get the pinfall by holding Billy‘s legs down from outside the ring, but the referee reversed the decision when another referee informed him of the cheat.

* Shannon Egans pinned Alison Chainz with a springboard dropkick.

* Armageddon pinned Ace Endehole with a jackhammer.

* ‘Nuff’s Enough defeated the C&C Connection when Tuffy Nuff pinned Carissa with a California Roll.

* Bayne made Dustin DeWind submit to a bow and arrow.

* Halle Burton pinned Colly Flower with a frog splash.

* Epsilon Beta defeated Slap Stick by disqualification following a brawl outside the ring.

* The Ark Angels defeated the TNT Boyz when Michael pinned Terry via the COVENANT.

* The Deadly Sins defeated the Destructive Forces when B.L. Zebob made Volcano submit to the Satan’s Sunrise.

* Gangurru pinned Sheik Khalid Sirhan via the WALKABOUT.

* HWA TRI-PLANETARY TITLE MATCH: Herman Glopp pinned Big Poppa Roach with a German suplex to successfully defend the HWA Tri-Planetary title.

* MAIN EVENT--HWA TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH[/U]: The Annihilators successfully defended the HWA Tag Team titles when Krogon pinned Orca via the IMMINENT DESTRUCTION.

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

March 27, 2125

* The Jackson Jills defeated Walk of Fame when Julie pinned Holly Wood with a Chick Kick.

* Val Hailey defeated Val Kira by disqualification when Kira repeatedly whipped Hailey into the guard rails.

* Road-Rayge defeated the Destructive Forces when Rayge pinned Tornado with the DEVASTATION.

* Scott Creed defeated Harvard Yale by disqualification following a brawl outside the ring.

* Gangurru pinned Warren Peace with a scoop slam.

* In a match in which the winner would go on tomorrow’s show to face the Annihilators for the HWA Tag Team titles, the Killer Whales defeated the Progressives when Orca pinned A-Flack with a splash into the turnbuckle.

* Big Poppa Roach pinned Devil’s Reject with the ROACH MOTEL.

* Holly Pena pinned Abercrombie [censored] with the PICANTE.

* HWA LADIES TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The Queen Bees defeated Everything Nice to hold onto the HWA Ladies Tag straps when Beatrice pinned Spyce with the DRONE’S DEMISE; but then after the match, she used the DRONE’S DEMISE on Spyce 6 more times, putting her out of action for 5 shows.

* Demiah the Devil’s Daughter made Aphrodi-Tina submit to a trapezius nerve hold.

* Flexicon made Hurricane submit to MR. USA, but after the match, Tornado entered the ring and helped Hurricane give Flexicon a double clothesline. Hurricane then went on to give Flexicon 8 CYCLONE SLAMs, putting him out of action for 5 shows.

* HWA HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE RE-MATCH: King Kobra won back the HWA Heavyweight title when he pinned Victor E. with a Death Valley Driver.

* MAIN EVENT--HWA LADIES TITLE MATCH[/U][/B]: Bootylicious Bertha retained the HWA Ladies title when she pinned Pearl E. Gates with the BOOTY BOMB.

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

March 28, 2125

* The Sisters of Pain defeated Esther-Jenn when Jenna Love pinned Esther with the KISS-OFF.

* ‘Nuff’s Enough defeated the C&C Connection when Justine Nuff pinned Carissa with a body scissor kick.

(Ambrosia is in her dressing room stretching when an unseen figure walks in.)

AMBROSIA

What are you doing here? (The camera pans to the figure. It’s former HWA diva Desiree DeMonique.)

DESIREE

Hello, Heather. I know you’re not happy to see me…

AMBROSIA

Of course I’m happy to see you, Desiree. Just because you’re mad that father could only afford to take care of one girl instead of two, I still think of you as my sister. But that still doesn’t explain what you’re doing here. I’ve got a match to get ready for.

DESIREE

I was hoping we could bury the hatchet. Just tell me what it is you want me to do, and I’ll do it.

AMBROSIA

You don’t have to do anything to earn my forgiveness. You’ve had it since the day you turned on me years ago. I never held any grudges against you for your jealousy. If father had chosen you over me, I probably would’ve made the same choices you did, but that’s all in the past. I want us to be friends again. So, how’s the rest of the DeMoniques?

DESIREE

“Mother” and “Father” were killed in a freak hovercar accident and left everything to Diana. The lawyers say that there’s nothing I can do about it. Just goes to show you how much they really cared about me. They take me in, feed me, clothe me, make me a member of the family, but because I’m not a DeMonique by blood, when my adopted parents die, I’m out on my ass. So if they don’t want me, I don’t want to be known as a DeMonique ever again. I hope Diana loses her fortune in a hurricane.

AMBROSIA

I’m sorry about that. That’s just wrong. To be rejected twice in one lifetime sucks. Well, I’ve never rejected my “sister at heart”, and I never will. If there’s anything you need, you let me know. (A backstage hand knocks on Ambrosia’s door)

BACKSTAGE HAND

Ambrosia, you’re up after the next match. (The stagehand turns to Desiree) I’m sorry ma’am, but unless you’re on the show, you can’t be back here.

AMBROSIA

Don’t talk to my “sister” that way. She’s welcome to come back here and see me anytime she wants.

BACKSTAGE HAND

Your sister? I’m sorry about that, ma’am. Nobody gave me told me you’d be visiting.

DESIREE

It was a surprise visit. I’ll see you later, “sis.” Good luck out there. (Desiree embraces Ambrosia and leaves)

* Dewie Cheatham pinned Dustin DeWind when he ALWAYS CHEATed by giving Dustin a CHAIR SHOT to his head.

* Alison Chainz pinned Ambrosia with the ROOSTER. After the match, the Sisters of Pain entered the ring.

DEBBIE HATE

Well, well, well, it seems that even after getting all “lovey-dovey” with her “sister at heart”, “Daddy’s Little Girl” still can’t get a win. What makes this now, your third loss in a row? You’re pathetic.

AMBROSIA

If you think I’m so pathetic, why don’t you and your little “sister” here take on me and my “SISTER AT HEART”, Desiree, next week in this very ring.

JENNA LOVE

Oooh, we’re sooooo scared! The great Heather Lynn Snedeker, aka, Mrs. Epsilon Beta, who, by the way’s another loser, challenges little ol’ us to a match next week in order to prove she’s not a loser like her hubby and her so-called “sister at heart.” Tell her to make herself look real pretty with those “bargain” feminine products she’s been forced to buy now that she’s dead broke, because next week, we’re going to make her wish she never returned to the HWA.

* Slap Stick pinned Armageddon after two consecutive RUNNING GAGs.

* Shannon Egans pinned Halle Burton with a moonsault missile dropkick.

* Bayne made Sheik Khalid Sirhan submit to the BAYNE-BREAKER.

* The TNT Boyz defeated Surf’s Up when Tracey pinned Ray-Ban with the IMPLOSION.

* 666 pinned Epsilon Beta with a choke slam. Epsilon appeared throughout the match to be upset by Jenna Love calling him a “loser“, and was maybe trying too hard to put 666 away in order to prove her wrong.

* The Ark Angels defeated the Deadly Sins when Michael made B.L. Zebob submit to a crucifix arm bar.

* Ugly Coyote pinned Ace Endehole (who was accompanied to the ring by his new girlfriend and manager, Sarah N. Dipity, a recent winner of the HWA’s “Become a Wrestler” contest, which offered the winner free tuition at the HWA‘s Paradise and Pinfalls training camp) in quick fashion with a piledriver.

* Lucy Kannin made Colly Flower submit to a dragon sleeper.

* HWA TRI-PLANETARY TITLE MATCH: Herman Glopp held onto the HWA Tri-Planetary title when he pinned Billy B after 2 consecutive GLOPP DROPs.

* MAIN EVENT--HWA TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH[/I][/U]: The Annihilators retained the HWA Tag titles when Pthalos pinned Orca with the IMMINENT DESTRUCTION.

---

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION RANKINGS
For the period ending March 28, 2125

HWA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: King Kobra
HWA TRI-PLANETARY CHAMPION: Herman Glopp

1. Flexicon
2. Big Poppa Roach
3. Scott Creed
4. Gangurru
5. Devil’s Reject
6. Hurricane
7. Warren Peace
8. Dingo
9. Harvard Yale
10. Ugly Coyote

HWA TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: ANNIHILATORS (Pthalos & Krogon)

1. KILLER WHALES (Orca & Willy)
2. ROAD-RAYGE (Roadkill & Rayge)
3. PROGRESSIVES (A-Flack & Guy-Koh)
4. ARK ANGELS (Michael & Gabriel)
5. DESTRUCTIVE FORCES (Volcano & Tornado)
6. TNT BOYZ (Tracey & Terry)
7. SURF’S UP (Body Glove & Ray-Ban)
8. SAMOAN VICE SQUAD (S’Nunu & Tika)
9. DEADLY SINS (Levi Ethan & B.L. Zebob)


HWA LADIES CHAMPION: Bootylicious Bertha

1. Demiah the Devil’s Daughter
2. Pearl E. Gates
3. Aphrodi-Tina
4. Abercrombie [censored]
5. Holly Pena
6. Lucy Kannin
7. Val Kira
8. Val Hailey
9. Halle Burton
10. Alison Chainz

HWA LADIES TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: QUEEN BEES (Beatrice & Beulah)

1. JACKSON JILLS (Julie & Peppermint Patty)
2. EVERYTHING NICE (Sugah & Spyce)
3. WALK OF FAME (Barbie Blaze & Holly Wood)
4. ‘NUFF’S ENOUGH (Justine & Tuffy Nuff)
5. C&C CONNECTION (Chandra & Carissa)
6. SISTERS AT HEART (Ambrosia & Desiree)
7. ESTHER-JENN (Esther & Jenn)
8. SISTERS OF PAIN (Jenna Love & Debbie Hate)

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

April 3, 2125

* The C&C Connection defeated ‘Nuff’s Enough when Carissa pinned Justine Nuff with the SOCCER KICK.

* The Walk of Fame defeated Esther-Jenn when Barbie Blaze pinned Esther with the B-MOVIE BLAST.

* Val Hailey pinned Halle Burton with a deathjump cross body block.

* The Deadly Sins defeated the TNT Boyz when B.L. Zebob made Terry submit to the GLUTTONY.

* The Ark Angels defeated the Samoan Vice Squad when Michael made S’Nunu tap out to a crucifix arm bar.

* Warren Peace pinned Harvard Yale after 3 consecutive Pershing Missiles.

* The Killer Whales defeated the Progressives when Willy pinned A-Flack with a double-team choke slam after Guy-Koh saved A-Flack from being pinned with the BEACHED WHALES and was being escorted back to his corner by the referee.

* Hurricane pinned Devil’s Reject with a belly-to-back suplex.

* HWA TRI-PLANETARY TITLE MATCH: The HWA Tri-Planetary title match between champion Herman Glopp and Big Poppa Roach ended in a double count out due to a brawl outside the ring.

* Aphrodi-Tina pinned Lucy Kannin with the BOOK OF LOVE.

* HWA LADIES TITLE MATCH: Bootylicious Bertha successfully defended the HWA Ladies title when she pinned Demiah the Devil’s Daughter with the BOOTY BOMB.

*MAIN EVENT--NON-TITLE MATCH[/I][/U]: HWA Heavyweight champion King Kobra made Gangurru tap out to the KOBRA KROSS KLUTCH. After the match, the Progressives came down to ringside and helped Gangurru give King Kobra a massive beat down, putting him out of action for 8 shows. HWA commissioner Thomas Nixon suspended both Gangurru and A-Flack for 5 shows each, while suspending Guy-Koh for 9 shows.