Heavenly Wrestling Association update

[barnestormer]

PINFALLS IN PARADISE
(An HWA Developmental Territory)
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

July 13, 2125

(Total Attendance: 5,301)

(Before the first match, the cameras cut backstage to Party Harty entering the building, arm-in-arm and kissing an apparently blissfully happy Daisy Graze. All of a sudden, Harty is attacked from behind by Flexicon, who nailed him with an untold amount of MR. UNIVERSEs as Black Sheep grabbed his sister and dragged her back to the locker room. Flexicon stopped his attack as several PIP officials ran to the scene and left through the same door that Harty and Daisy entered. Harty was loaded on a stretcher and will be out of action for 7 shows.

* Brown Starfish defeated Dustin DeWind by disqualification following a brawl outside the ring.

* To ensure that no one would attempt to abduct Daisy during or after her match with Ginger Snaps, Black Sheep accompanied his sister to the ring, but it appeared that not only did she not want him there, but that she didn't want to be in the ring, as well. Could she have real feelings for Party Harty? In any case, Ginger pinned Daisy with a deathjump cross body block.

More bad luck befell Hefhawg, as a breaking news story appeared over the holovid announcing the death of one of the most famous Playground "Groundhawgs" and Hefhawg's fiancee, Misty Monen, who was tragically killed in a hovercar accident when her vehicle went over an embankment and fell into one of the numerous large lakes that make up Andromeda's surface. Evidence suggests that she may have been rear-ended so that her vehicle would go over the embankment, but reports are sketchy at this time. Misty appeared in many adult holovids under the name "Misty Moaning" before she quit the business and announced her engagement to Hefhawg. Could this current run of bad luck be attributed to Black Sheep and the Flock?

* Calico put up a good fight, but eventually she was pinned by a heel kick by Princess Barbelle.

* The Deadly Sins defeated the Kings of the Swamp when Ali Ga'tor was disqualified following a brawl outside the ring with B.L. Zebob.

* Bayne broke Salami Joe's recent winning streak when he forced Joe to submit to the BAYNE-BREAKER.

* The Masters of Darkness defeated the Progressives when King of Darkness pinned Guy-Koh with the DARK DROP.

* Fey Linn defeated Kailani by count out following a springboard moonsault to the floor.

*

MAIN EVENT

[/U][/I]

RE-MATCH[/center]

Davey Storm re-captured the PIP Heavyweight title when he pinned King Kobra after two RUNNING POWER SLAMs.

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

July 17, 2125

(Total Attendance: 8,540)

* Scott Creed pinned Big Poppa Roach with MY SACRIFICE.

* Razorback defeated Gangurru by count out following a springboard moonsault to the floor.

* The Ark Angels defeated the SlamPigs when Gabriel pinned Boar by GOD'S WILL.

* Road-Rayge defeated the Destructive Forces when Rayge pinned Volcano with the DEVASTATION.

* Dewie Cheatham once again proved that to in order for him to win a match (this time against Herman Glopp), he had to ALWAYS CHEAT, this time nailing Herman with a chair shot.

* Sheik Khalid Sirhan pinned Ace Endehole with the ALLAH AKHBAR.

* STEEL CAGE MATCH: It's been almost a month since Vincent Shawn Helmsley made this match due to the uncontrollable brawl between Hurricane and Victor E., and finally the match took place inside a steel cage, with Victor escaping the cage by climbing over the top and landing both feet on the arena floor after nailing Hurricane with the VICTOR E. PRESS.

*

The Annihilators are the new HWA Tag Team champions, defeating the TNT Boyz when Krogon pinned Terry with the FRANKEN-KROGON.

*

MAIN EVENT

[/u][/i]
[/center]

Warren Peace was kind enough to give Harvard Yale another chance to win the HWA Heavyweight title, this time legitimately. To ensure this, The Destructive Forces, the Ark Angels, Ace Endehole, Herman Glopp, Hurricane, Gangurru, and Scott Creed came down to the ring and surrounded it. Their job was not to keep the wrestlers in the ring, but to keep Vincent Shawn Helmsley and Generation Swine out of the match. Because of this, Harvard was finally able to face Warren while at full strength, and therefore had no excuses to offer when Warren pinned him with the PEACE TREATY to hold onto the HWA title.

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
"LADIES NIGHT ON MONDAY NIGHTS"
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

July 19, 2125

(Total Attendance: 6,442)

* Holly Pena pinned Abercrombie [censored] with the Campana Invertida.

* 'Nuff's Enough defeated Everything Nice when Tuffy Nuff pinned Spyce with the Elegant Suplex.

* Walk of Fame defeated the Molto Bellas when Barbie Blaze pinned Bella Nora with a cross body block.

* The Sisters At Heart defeated the Sisters of Pain when Desiree pinned Debbie Hate with EVERY MAN'S DESIRE.

* Sarah N. Dipity pinned Demiah the Devil's Daughter with the HAPPY ACCIDENT.

* The match between the Jackson Jills and the Queen Bees ended in a double disqualification due to a brawl outside the ring between Julie and Beatrice.

* Shannon Egans pinned Bootylicious Bertha with the Erin Go Bragh.

*

RE-MATCH

The C&C Connection re-captured the HWA Ladies Tag straps from Esther-Jenn when Carissa pinned Jenn with the SOCCER KICK.

* MAIN EVENT[/i]--NON-TITLE MATCH[/u]: HWA Ladies champion Val Kira pinned Val Hailey with VAL KIRA'S RIDE.

[barnestormer]

PINFALLS IN PARADISE
(An HWA Developmental Territory)
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

July 20, 2125

(Total Attendance: 5,508)

* Daisy Graze made Calico tap out to THE F'EWE.

* Party Harty pinned Black Sheep when Black Sheep missed a running shoulder attempt while Harty was trapped in the turnbuckle in a match where the winner won the permanent services of Daisy Graze. Suffice it to say, a grateful Daisy Graze is no longer a member of The Flock.

* The Shipwrecks defeated the Blue Dragon Dojo when Valdez pinned Saiji Takahashi with OF THE WORLD.

* Flock member Bruder Galgen pinned Hefhawg by rolling through a deathjump cross body press attempt. Hefhawg didn't seem to be too much into the match, perhaps because he's still mourning the death of his fiance, Misty Monen, who died in a hovercar crash last week on Andromeda.

* The Kings of the Swamp defeated Snake Oil when Ali Ga'Tor pinned Flam with the Swampfest.

* Fey Linn pinned Maiden patriot with the SPELLCASTER.

*

Colly Flower defeated Kailani by disqualification to successfully defend the PIP Ladies title when Kailani repeatedly whipped Colly Flower into the security barrier.

*

Davey Storm pinned Salami Joe with a military press drop to successfully defend the PIP Heavyweight title.

* MAIN EVENT[/U][/I]

Zero Gravity successfully defended the PIP Tag Team titles, defeating the Progressives when Guy-Koh was counted out after Shooting Star nailed him on the floor with a springboard moonsault.

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

July 24, 2125

(Total Attendance: 8,200)

* Scott Creed pinned Big Poppa Roach with MY SACRIFICE.

* Razorback pinned Gangurru with the PON HOSS POUNCH. (Note--Someday, pigwrestling, you're going to have to explain the meaning of that finisher name to me, because I don't get it--DPB)

* The Samoan Vice Squad defeated the Ark Angels when S'Nunu pinned Gabriel with a head butt to the chest..

* Dewie Cheatham had to ALWAYS CHEAT again this week to get the victory over Herman Glopp, hitting him with brass knucks this week to score the pin.

* The Destructive Forces defeated Road-Rayge when Tornado pinned Roadkill with a "Category 5" VORTEX-PLEX.

* Hurricane made Sheik Khalid Sirhan submit to a Boston Crab.

*

Victor E. is still the HWA Tri-Planetary champion after pinning Ace Endehole with the VICTOR E. PRESS.

*

The Annihilators walked out of the HWA Arena with the HWA Tag Team titles still strapped around their waists after defeating the TNT Boyz after Terry was counted out following a springboard moonsault to the floor by Krogon.

*

MAIN EVENT

[/u][/i][/center]

Despite being attacked by Generation Swine earlier in the match after he nailed the LAW REVIEW, Harvard Yale was able to defeat Boss Hawg by count out.

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
"LADIES NIGHT ON MONDAY NIGHTS"
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

July 26, 2125

(Total Attendance: 6,642)

* Holly Pena pinned Abercrombie [censored] with the PICANTE.

* The Sisters of Pain defeated Everything Nice when Jenna Love pinned Sugah with the KISS OFF.

* The Molto Bellas defeated 'Nuff's Enough when Bella Nora pinned Justine Nuff, who knocked herself out when she missed a running shoulder tackle attempt into the turnbuckle.

* Esther-Jenn defeated the Walk of Fame when Jenn pinned Holly Wood with the PAP SMEAR.

* Sarah N. Dipity defeated Demiah the Devil's Daughter by disqualification following a brawl outside the ring.

* The Sisters At Heart defeated the Queen Bees by disqualification when the referee caught the Bees performing their illegal "mask switch".

* Bootylicious Bertha pinned Val Hailey with the BOOTY BOMB.

*

The C&C Connection successfully defended the HWA Ladies Tag straps against the Jackson Jills when Chandra pinned Julie with a pumphandle slam.

*

MAIN EVENT

[/i][/u]
[/center]

Val Kira pinned Shannon Egans with VAL KIRA'S RIDE to walk out of the HWA Arena with the HWA Ladies title still wrapped around her waist.

---

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION RANKINGS
(For the period ending July 26, 2125)

CHAMPION[/u]: Warren Peace

CHAMPION[/u]: Victor E.

1. Harvard Yale
2. Hurricane
3. Ace Andehole
4. Dewie Cheatham
5. Sheik Khalid Sirhan
6. Herman Glopp
7. Razorback
8. Scott Creed
9. Gangurru
10. Big Poppa Roach
11. Boss Hawg

CHAMPIONS[/u]: ANNIHILATORS (Pthalos/Krogon)

1. Road-Rayge (Roadkill/Rayge)
2. Destructive Forces (Volcano/Tornado)
3. Ark Angels (Michael/Gabriel)
4. Samoan Vice Squad (S'Nunu/Tika)
5. SlamPigs (Boar/Wart)
6. TNT Boyz (Tracey/Terry)

CHAMPION: Val Kira

1. Shannon Egans
2. Val Hailey
3. Bootylicious Bertha
4. Sarah N. Dipity
5. Demiah the Devil's Daughter
6. Abercrombie [CENSORED]
7. Holly Pena

CHAMPIONS: C&C CONNECTION (Chandra & Carissa)

1. Jackson Jills (Julie/Peppermint Patty)
2. Queen Bees (Beatrice/Beulah)
3. Sisters At Heart (Ambrosia/Desiree)
4. Sisters of Pain (Jenna Love/Debbie Hate)
5. Walk of Fame (Barbie Blaze/Holly Wood)
6. Molto Bellas (Bella Donna/Bella Nora)
7. 'Nuff's Enough (Justine & Tuffy Nuff)
8. Esther-Jenn (Esther-Jenn)
9. Everything Nice (Sugah/Spyce)

[barnestormer]

PINFALLS IN PARADISE
(An HWA Developmental Territory)
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

July 27, 2125

(Total Attendance: 9,984)

Since last week, HWA & PIP owner Vincent Shawn Helmsley did a little "house cleaning" in PIP, releasing several teams and wrestlers from their PIP contracts because they "weren't performing up to his standard." Among those released were:

- King Kobra
- Billy B.
- Ugly Coyote
- "Big Kitty Snooze No-Sell" Kevin Gnash
- 666
- Devil's Reject
-Dingo

- DEADLY SINS
- MASTERS OF DARKNESS
- SNAKE OIL
- SURF'S UP
- KILLER WHALES
- PROGRESSIVES

In their place, he signed the following wrestlers and teams:


- Chad Angel

- EMPIRE ELITE (Mars & Caligula)
- TANGLED WEBBS ("King of the Cage" Josh Webb & "Asswhippin'" Adam Webb)
- VINDICATORS (Wesley Poe & Kincade)

* In the first match, Party Harty took on the debuting Chad Angel. During the match, Black Sheep came down to ringside and distracted Harty, causing Harty to attempt a suicide dive through the ropes onto Black Sheep. Unfortunately for Harty, Black Sheep manged to step out of the way and Harty crashed to the floor, which helped set Chad up to pick up the pinfall victory on Party Harty with the LIGHTS OUT.

* It took 3 CLOTHESLINEs FROM DOGGY HEAVEN for Saint Bernard to pin the Samoan Hippo Savage Umagapotamus.

* The Blue Dragon Dojo defeated the debuting team of the Tangled Webbs by disqualification following a brawl outside the ring beteeen Tokimasu Matsudaira and Josh Webb.

* The Empire Elite made a successful debut by defeating the Kings of the Swamp when Caligula made Croc Od'Ile submit to the Imperial Crab.

* Bruder Galgen made a successful return to in-ring action when he pinned Bayne with the S.O.B.

* Fey Linn defeated Maiden Patriot by count out after hitting her with a springboard moonsault to the floor.

*

Colly Flower successfully defended the PIP Ladies title when she pinned Kailani after an incredible back-and-forth battle with the DOG'S DAY. After the match, Colly offered to shake Kailani's hand, only when Kailani took it, she inexplicably hit her with a short arm clothesline and then repeatedly stomped on her head until Maiden Patriot came down to the ring to talk some sense into Kailani. It appeared as if Maiden Patriot was successful, but as she turned around to check on Colly, Kailani spun her around and nailed her with the TROPICAL STORM before leaving the ring to the jeers of the crowd.

*

Zero Gravity held onto the PIP Tag Team titles, defeating the Damn Dirty Apes by count out when Hyperdrive nailed G-Rilla on the floor with a springboard moonsault.

*

MAIN EVENT

[/u][/i]
[/center]

Salami Joe became the new PIP Heavyweight champion when he HOG TIED Davey Storm for the tap out victory.

---

RANKINGS
(For the period ending July 27, 2125)

*

CHAMPION: Salami Joe

1. Davey Storm
2. Bayne
3. Bruder Galgen
4. Perry Noya
5. Saint Bernard
6. Mousawa
7. Chad Angel
8. Party Harty
9. Umagapotamus
10. Epsilon Beta

*

CHAMPION: ZERO GRAVITY (Hyperdrive/Shooting Star)

1. BLUE DRAGON DOJO (Saiji Takahashi/Tokimasu Matsudaira)
2. DAMN DIRTY APES (G-Rilla/Chimpan-Z)
3. KINGS OF THE SWAMP (Croc Od'Ile/Ali Ga'Tor)
4. EMPIRE ELITE (Mars/Caligula)
5. ANIMOSITY (Virtue/Flaw)
6. LAX (Skrit/Bandito) [Pouch has decided to enter the singles competition]
7. TANGLED WEBBS (Josh & Adam Webb)
8. SHIPWRECKS (Valdez/Titanic)
9. VINDICATORS (Wesley Poe/Kincade)


*

CHAMPION: Colly Flower


1. Fey Linn
2. Kailani
3. Maiden Patriot
4. Pearl E. Gates
5. Alison Chainz
6. Princess Barbelle
7. Mynx
8. Chickfighter
9. Ginger Snaps
10. Lucy Kannin

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

July 31, 2125

(Total Attendance: 7,614)

Before the first match took place, HWA owner/commissioner Vincent Shawn Helmsley came down to ringside and announced that he had released Generation Swine from the HWA because they "didn't live up to his expectations." (Translation: They couldn't beat Harvard Yale on a consistent basis and keep him from challenging for the HWA title.)

* Big Poppa Roach pinned Gangurru with the ROACH MOTEL. After the match, a brawl ensued between the two until Harvard Yale entered the ring and helped Gangurru give Big Poppa Roach a double clothesline before Gangurru repeatedly gave Roach the WALKABOUT, putting him out of action for 5 shows. Mr. Helmsley came down to ringside and announced that because Harvard "stuck his nose where it didn't belong", he was going to have to face a mystery opponent tonight.

* Scott Creed pinned Sheik Khalid Sirhan with an Asai moonsault.

* Herman Glopp defeatated Dewie Cheatham by disqualification when the referee caught Dewie ALWAYS CHEATing by giving Herman a chair shot to the head.

* The Samoan Vice Squad defeated the Destructive Forces when Tika pinned Volcano with the SAMOAN SMASHER.

*

Road-Rayge became the new HWA Tag Team champions, defeating the Annihilators when Rayge pinned Krogon with the DEVASTATION.

*

Victor E. successfully held onto the HWA Tri-Planetary title when he defeated Ace Endehole by count-out following a springboard moonsault to the floor.

* Apparently, Mr. Helmsley has raided the talent roster of another promotion, as he brought in Shawn Harrigan from BCW to deal with Harvard Yale. It seemed as though he made a good investment, as Harrigan pinned Yale with THE BEST FINISHER EVER. After the match, Gangurru decided to return the favor from earlier this evening, as he came down to ringside while Harvard and Shawn were still brawling in the ring and give Harrigan a double clothesline so that Harvard could repeatedly give Harrigan the LAW REVIEW, putting him out of action for 6 SHOWS.

*

MAIN EVENT

[/U][/I]
[/center]

Warren Peace pinned Hurricane with the PEACE TREATY to successfully defend the HWA Heavyweight title.

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
"LADIES NIGHT ON MONDAY NIGHTS"
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

August 2, 2125

(Total Attendance: 9,912)

* 'Nuff's Enough defeated Everything Nice when Tuffy Nuff pinned Spyce with a blockbuster.

* Esther-Jenn defeated the Molto Bellas when Esther pinned Bella Nora with the MENOPAUSE.

* Walk of Fame defeated the Sisters of Pain by disqualification when Debbie Hate gave Barbie Blaze the Brainbuster in order to save Jenna from being pinned by the B-MOVIE BLAST.

* The Sisters At Heart defeated the Queen Bees by disqualification when the referee caught the Bees attempting their illegal "mask switch".

* Sarah N. Dipity defeated Holly Pena by count out following a springboard moonsault to the floor.

* Bootylicious Bertha pinned Abercombie [censored] with the BOOTY BOMB.

* Demiah the Devil's Daughter pinned Val Hailey with the DEVIL'S SEED.

*

The C&C Connection defeated the Jackson Jills when Carissa pinned Peppermint Patty after she and Chandra executed a double military press slam on Patty as the referee was escorting Julie back to her corner after saving Patty from being pinned by the SOCCER KICK.

*

MAIN EVENT

[/U][/I]
[/center]

Shannon Egan started the match by throwing the current HWA Ladies champion Val Kira into the ropes and attempting to give her a flying shoulder tackle, but Kira countered by giving Shannon a stun gun and then pinning her by way of VAL KIRA'S RIDE to succesfully defend the title.

[barnestormer]

PINFALLS IN PARADISE
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

August 3, 2125

(Total Attendance: 9,984)

* Brown Starfish made LAX reserve member Pouch tap out to the CORNHOLE MUTILATION.

* Daisy Graze made Dolly Lamma tap out to THE F'EWE.

* "Krazee" Kay Oss pinned Calico with a Frankensteiner.

* Dustin DeWind pinned Big [censored] Murdock with the POINT OF KNOW RETURN.

* Hefhawg pinned Black Sheep with a hurricanrana, but then after the match, he went wild and repeatedly used the MONEY SHOT, putting Black Sheep out of action for 4 shows. HWA/PIP owner/commissioner Vincent Shawn Helmsley suspended Hefhawg for 5 shows.

* Flexicon pinned Slap Stick with MR. UNIVERSE.

* Halle Burton pinned Ginger Snaps with the ILLEGAL BRIEFS.

* Chickfighter pinned Lucy Kannin with the ASS-SAULT.

* Epsilon Beta defeated Boogie Lou by disqualification when Boogie Lou repeatedly whipped Epsilon Beta into the security barrier.

* The Vindicators (Wesley Poe/Kincade) defeated LAX when Kincade hit the MANDIBLE CLAW SLAM on Skrit, but when Bandito ran in to make the save, Kincade smashed their heads together and covered Skrit for the 3-count.

* Animosity defeated the Shipwrecks when Flaw pinned Valdez by way of Flawed.

*

MAIN EVENT

[/u][/i]

RE-MATCH

Salami Joe HOG TIED Davey Storm for the submission victory to successfully defend the PIP Heavyweight title.