Heavenly Wrestling Association update

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

August 7, 2125

(Total Attendance: 4,970)

* The Ark Angels defeated the TNT Boyz when Gabriel pinned Terry with a double team pyramid bomb with Michael as the referee was putting Tracey back in his corner after saving Terry from GOD'S WILL.

* The Destructive Forces defeated the Samoan Vice Squad when Tornado pinned Tika with a "Category 2" VORTEX-PLEX. After the match, the HWA Tag Team champions Road-Rayge ran down to the ring with steel chairs and blasted Volcano with a con-chair-to before tossing them in the middle of the mat and helping Tika deliver repeated triple-team spike versions of the pyramid bomb on top of the chairs. They then added insult to injury when Rayge picked Tornado up for a Samoan Drop and allowed Roadkill to sit him on his shoulders, only to have Tika sit Roadkill on his own shoulder in order to deliver the first-ever triple-team SAMOAN SMASHER onto the steel chairs. When it was all over, Tornado was put on a stretcher and will be out of action for 8 shows. HWA owner/commissioner ruled that he's going to re-visit this issue after 3 shows, as he was "too busy trying to find ways to keep this 'two-bit promotion' from going under" (which can only mean that he's looking for some more ways to punish not only Harvard Yale, but now Gangurru for his coming to Harvard's aid last week and helping to injure Shawn Harrigan, which is probably the reason why he didn't book either wrestler on today's card).

* Herman Glopp defeated Sheik Khalid Sirhan by disqualification when the referee caught Khalid putting a gash in Herman's head with a sharp object that he tried to conceal in his hand.

* Dewie Cheatham made Ace Endehole submit to a belly-to-back bearhug, but then after the match, Sheik Khalid Sirhan made another appearance in the ring and performed double deathjumps on Ace in the middle of the ring with Dewie, putting Endehole out of action for 6 shows.

*

Scott Creed became the new HWA Tri-Planetary champion when he pinned Victor E. with MY SACRIFICE.

*

The Annihilators re-captured the HWA Tag Team titles from Road-Rayge when Krogon pinned Roadkill with the FRANKEN-KROGON.

*

MAIN EVENT

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Warren Peace is still the HWA Heavyweight champion when he pinned Hurricane with the ART OF WAR.

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
"LADIES NIGHT ON MONDAY NIGHTS"
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

August 10, 2125

(Total Attendance: 7,002)

* Abercrombie [censored] pinned Holly Pena with a running spear.

* Everything Nice defeated the Sisters of Pain when Sugah pinned Jenna Love with the EYE CANDY. After the match, Holly Pena slid into the ring and helped Sugah perform double deathjumps on Jenna, putting her out of action for 5 shows.

* The Molto Bellas defeated 'Nuff's Enough when Bella Nora pinned Tuffy Nuff with the BELLA NOCHE KISS.

* During the match between Esther-Jenn and Walk of Fame, visible tension could be noted between Barbie Blaze and Holly Wood, as Barbie pretty much "hogged the spotlight" for most of the match by dominating most of the in-ring action before finally tagging in Holly, who eventually pinned Jenn with the Hollywood Hangover.

* The Queen Bees defeated the Sisters At Heart when "Beulah" (we're not sure if it really was Beulah or not, since the Bees managed to successfully pull off their illegal "mask switch" after two weeks of failed attempts) pinned Ambrosia with the DRONE'S DEMISE.

* Bootylicious Bertha pinned Val Hailey with the BOOTY BOMB.

*

The C&C Connection defeated the Jackson Jills to walk out of the HWA Arena with the HWA Ladies Tag belts still secured to their waists when, after Julie entered the ring to save Peppermint Patty from the CRESCENT KICK, Chandra smashed their heads together and pinned Patty.

*

MAIN EVENT

Val Kira pinned Shannon Egans with VAL KIRA'S RIDE to remain the HWA Ladies champion.

[barnestormer]

PINFALLS IN PARADISE
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

August 10, 2125

(Total Attendance: 9,840)

* Flexicon made Epsilon Beta tap out to MR. OLYMPIA.

* Mousawa pinned Chad Angel with the Mouse Driver.

* Perry Noya pinned Saint Bernard with the TRUST ISSUES.

* The Elite Empire defeated Animosity when Caligula pinned Flaw with THE RISE & THE FALL.

* The Damn Dirty Apes defeated the Kings of the Swamp when Croc Od'Ile was counted out following a springboard moonsault to the floor by Chimpan-Z.

* Party Harty pinned Bruder Galgen with the BOMBED SWAN.

* Alison Chainz defeated Mynx by disqualification when Mynx repeatedly whipped Alison into the security barrier.

* Princess Barbelle pinned Pearl E. Gates when Pearl missed a running shoulder tackle attempt into the turnbuckle.

* Umagapotamus pinned Bayne with the SAMOAN HIPPO SPIKE.

* Maiden Patriot defeated Kailani in a grudge matchn when she pinned her with the MAIDEN MISSILE.

*

Colly Flower barely managed to walk out of the HWA Arena with the PIP Ladies title when she pinned Fey Linn after an incredible match with the DOG'S DAY.

*

MAIN EVENT

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Zero Gravity successfully defended the PIP Tag Team titles, defeating the Blue Dragon Dojo by disqualification when Tokimasu Matsudaira repeatedly whipped Shooting Star into the security barrier.

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

August 14, 2125

(Total Attendance: 3,816)

* The TNT Boyz defeated Road-Rayge when Terry pinned Roadkill with the IMPLOSION.

* Herman Glopp pinned Sheik Khalid Sirhan with the GLOPP DROP.

* Hurricane pinned Dewie Chetham with the CYCLONE SLAM.

*

RE-MATCH

Victor E. pinned Scott Creed with the VICTOR E. PRESS to re-capture the HWA Tri-Planetary title.

*

The Anihilators defeated the Ark Angels to successfully defend the HWA Tag Team titles when Krogon pinned Michael with the FRANKEN-KROGON.

*

MAIN EVENT

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After several months of dealing with Mr. Helmsley's antics, Harvard Yale's efforts finally bore fruit as he pinned Warren Peace with the Hasty Pudding to become the new HWA Heavyweight champion.

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
"LADIES NIGHT ON MONDAY NIGHTS"
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

August 16, 2125

(Total Attendance: 7,128)

* Esther-Jenn defeated 'Nuff's Enough when Jenn pinned Tuffy Nuff with the PAP SMEAR.

* Everything Nice defeated the Sisters of Pain when Sugah pinned Jenna Love with the EYE CANDY.

* The Molto Bellas defeated the Walk of Fame when Bella Donna pinned Holly Wood with the BELLA FLOP. After the match, the tensions between Holly and Barbie Blaze continued to surface as they continued arguing and bickering with each other all the way back to the dressing room.

* The Sisters At Heart defeated the Queen Bees when Ambrosia pinned "Beulah" with the SNEDEKER SLAM. (We're not sure if it was Beulah or not, because the Bees managed to pull off their illegal "mask switch" during the match, even though they were caught by the referee.) After the match, Ambrosia grabbed the mike.

AMBROSIA

You know, I don't know about Desiree, but I think I can speak for the fans when I say that we're all sick and tired of your little "mask switch" gimmick. Now, in the past four weeks, almost every time we've faced you, we've beaten you because you've relied too much on that damned gimmick. That's why I'm issuing a challenge for you next week. For all we care, you can keep the masks on for the entire match, because when we beat you next week, you're going to burn those masks in the middle of the ring and will never be allowed to use them in a match ever again.

BEATRICE

Keep dreaming, little girl. We're not putting our masks on the line for you or anybody. Let's go, Beulah. (The Queen Bees begin to step out of the ring when HWA owner/commissioner Vincent Shawn Helmsley walks down the aisle with a mike.)

VINCENT SHAWN HELMSLEY

Hold it right there, you two. You're not going anywhere. As much as I hate to say it, Mrs. Epsilon Beta has a good idea. Frankly, I always thought your little "mask switch" gimmick was a little passe, so I'm signing that match for next week. If the Sisters At Heart defeat you next week, you'll not only must you burn those masks in the middle of the ring, but you can never again wear them in the ring for as long as you are employed by the Heavenly Wrestling Association.

BEULAH

Oh, is that right? And what do they have to offer us when we win?

VINCENT SHAWN HELMSLEY

If you win the match, I'll not only make the "mask switch" gimmick legal so that you can use it any time during a match and as many times as you want to use it during the match, but I'll also grant you a shot at the HWA Ladies Tag Team titles the following week. However, I'm nothing if not fair. Just ask that moron, Harvard Yale. If the Sisters defeat you next week, not only do you lose the mask gimmick, but they get the tag team title shot. Now you may leave the ring, and i suggest you do it quickly because you're holding up the show.

* Sarah N. Dipity pinned Holly Pena with the HAPPY ACCIDENT.

* Abercrombie [censored] pinned Val Hailey with a pumphandle inverted reverse fallaway slam.

* Demiah the Devil's Daughter pinned Bootylicious Bertha with the DEVIL'S SEED.

*

The C&C Connection successfully defended the HWA Ladies Tag Team titles, defeating the Jackson Jills when Carissa pinned Peppermint Patty with a big right hand.

*

MAIN EVENT

Val Kira successfully defended the HWA Ladies title when she made Shannon Egans submit to a chinlock surfboard.

[barnestormer]

PINFALLS IN PARADISE
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

August 17, 2125

(Total Attendance: 6,270)

* Brown Starfish pinned Pouch when Pouch fainted as Brown Starfish attempted a deathjump. (Hey, if you'd faint too if a giant [censored] was about to come flying at you.)

* Daisy Graze made Dolly Lamma submit to the F'EWE.

* Calico defeated Kay Oss by count out due to a springboard moonsault to the floor.

* Dustin DeWind made Big [censored} Murdock submit to a rear-naked choke.

* Boogie Lou pinned Slap Stick with the DISCO DUCK.

* The Shipwrecks defeated the Vindicators when Titanic pinned Kincade with the SUNK AND FORGOTTEN.

* Ginger Snaps pinned Lucy Kannin with the SNAP YOUR NECK.

* Halle Burton pinned Chickfighter with the ILLEGAL BRIEFS.

* The Tangled Webbs defeated LAX when Josh Webb pinned Skrit with the SUPER BOMB.

* Davey Storm pinned Chad Angel with the RUNNING POWER SLAM.

*

MAIN EVENT

Salami Joe is still the PIP Heavyweight champion when he HOG TIED Bayne for the submission victory.

[Mawson]

Daisy Graze made Dolly Lamma submit to the F'EWE.

Whoever came up with these names is touched by madness and/or genius!

Made me laugh aloud.

[barnestormer]

I forget off-hand who created Daisy Graze, but Dolly Lamma is one of Ray "Disaster" DeGarmo's creations.

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

August 21, 2125

(Total Attendance: 3,948)

* The Samoan Vice Squad defeated the TNT Boyz when Tika pinned Terry with the SAMOAN SMASHER. After the match, HWA owner/commissioner Vincent Shawn Helmsley appeared on the holovid.

VINCENT SHAWN HELMSLEY

That was a nice match, Samoan Vice Squad. Unfortunately for you, Tika, that's the last match you'll be participating in for a while, because I'm suspending you for 5 shows for your part in putting Tornado out of action two weeks ago. Furthermore, I'm suspending Roadkill of Road-Rayge for 2 shows for his part in helping you injure Tornado. Now, get out of my ring. Security, help the Samoan Vice Squad find the door.

* Sheik Khalid Sirhan defeated Gangurru by disqualification following a brawl outside the ring.

* Dewie Cheatham pinned Herman Glopp by way of Win If You Can.

*

The Anihilators defeated the Ark Angels to successfully defend the HWA Tag Team titles when Krogon pinned Michael with the IMMINENT DESTRUCTION.

*

RE-MATCH

Victor E. pinned Hurricane with the VICTOR E. PRESS to successfully defend the HWA Tri-Planetary title.

*

MAIN EVENT

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RE-MATCH[/center]

Warren Peace pinned Harvard Yale with the Pershing Missile to re-capture the HWA Heavyweight title.

[barnestormer]

HEAVENLY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
"Ladies Night on Monday Nights"
HWA Arena; Deimos, Mars

August 23, 2125

(Total Attendance: 7,272)

* 'Nuff's Enough defeated Everything Nice when Justine Nuff pinned Spyce with a running clothesline.

* The match between Esther-Jenn and the Sisters of Pain ended in a double disqualification following a brawl outside the ring between Jenn & Debbie Hate.

* The Molto Bellas defeated Walk of Fame when Bella Nora pinned Barbie Blaze with the MAMBO ITALIANO. AFter the match, the arguing between Barbie and Holly Wood that had been going on over the past few weeks continued until Holly turned her back on Barbie to leave the ring, only to get nailed by a clubbing forearm and several B-MOVIE BLASTs by Barbie. It's now fair to say that the Walk of Fame team has dissolved.

* The Queen Bees managed not only to keep from burning their masks, but are now allowed to wear the masks and legally use their "mask switch" any time they want to during a match when they defeated the Sisters At Heart when "Beatrice" (at least we think it was Beatrice, because during the match, the Bees managed to pull of their infamous switch) pinned Desiree with the DRONE'S DEMISE.

* Val Hailey forced Holly Pena to tap out to the HONORED DEAD.

* Abercrombie [censored] pinned Sarah N. Dipity with a steamroller to standing moonsault combination.

* Bootylicious Bertha pinned Demiah the Devil's Daughter with the BOOTY BOMB.

*

The Jackson Jills became 2-time HWA Ladies Tag Team champions when Peppermint Patty pinned Carissa of the C&C Connection with the PATTYCAKE.

*

MAIN EVENT

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Shannon Egans culminated her near-month long quest to wear the HWA Ladies title with a pinfall victory over Val Kira to become the new HWA Ladies champion by way of CALLING SHENANIGANS.