A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
Nov 4, 2017 11:51:56 GMT -5
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Post by Bri on Nov 4, 2017 11:51:56 GMT -5
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A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen...
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Month 4 - Card 15 - Match Results:
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1. Cheerleader Melissa vs Nikolai Volkoff:
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This time once Volkoffs horrific Russian national anthem singing was over, he tried to rap a Beastie Boys song - No Sleep Till Brooklyn, that got even more boos than the anthem.
Cheerleader Melissa proved to be just too agile for Nikolai Volkoff and he barely laid a hand on her. It took Melissa a while to wear him down but ultimately a combo of a Samoan Drop into her primary finisher KUDOH DRIVER - A Back To Back Double Underhook Piledriver prooved to be the difference as she hooked the leg for the three count.
Cheerleader Melissa defeats Nikolai Volkoff by Pinfall at the 9 minute mark.
(Melissa +153 / Volkoff - 86)
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2. Gladiator of The New Aethran Empire - Havoc vs Antonio Inoki:
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Just prior to the start of the match, Havoc kept thinking about what Santon The Loner had said to him about Disaster. Sure he's a great wrestler, but he's never been a Minister of War before like I was - said Santon to Havoc.
It was either because Havoc just wasn't focused or Inoki had fully healed and was spot on effective tonight - or both. Antonio Inoki was simply all over Havoc and commanded the offense as well as the pace throughout; after many kick outs, Havoc eventually tapped out to Inoki's secondary finisher - OCTOPUS HOLD.
Antonio Inoki defeats Havoc by Submission at the 15 minute mark.
(Inoki -4 / Havoc -132)
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3. Alphonse & Darmody with Sly Drury vs Iron Hand & Code Destroyer with Epoch:
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The arena was loaded full of tension as Sly Drury (aka The Walking Dude) escorted his tag team and fellow members of his crime family The Maffei who just came back from a crucial mission - Intergalactic Gangsters Alphonse & Darmody. Awaiting them in the ring was the former Martial Law tag team of Iron Hand and Code Destroyer with their new manager Epoch. Drury and Epoch negotiated with the ref to make this a Double Ratings Point & No Dq Match.
The brawling between the two teams were off the charts but as the match continued, Alphonse and Darmody's tag skills started to sway the balance in their favor. At the end of it Iron Hand passed out in Alphonses LIGATURE finisher - a sleeperhold with a hidden piano wire. As the referee awarded the victory to Alphonse and Darmody a three on three brawl soon erupted that turned into a four on four brawl as soon as Shayne and Kill Prey arrived. It took about 15 members of security to eventually restore order and Iron Hand needed immediate medical attention.
Alphonse & Darmody defeated Iron Hand and Code Destroyer by Knockout.
(Alphonse & Darmody +88/ Hand & Destroyer - 88)
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4. Jay Lethal with The Unpredictable Johnny Rodz vs Brinson Faust. :
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The Unpredictable Johnny Rodz was full of piss and vinegar as he approached Brinson Faust to try to up the stakes for his man Jay Lethal who recently earned a shot at The World Title via his success in The Lords of Flatbush. Faust declined and told Rodz - He told me to tell you no. Who?!? said Rodz, Lethal said Faust.
Faust took early command via several Double Handed Choke Slams and Springboard Double Back Elbows and looked to be on his way to an easy victory until Lethal kicked out of Fausts powerful primary finisher FOUR ARMED DRIVER. From that point on Lethal rolled outside the ring and blasted Faust in the skull with a fire extinguisher which set up Lethal to force Faust to tap out to his fourth, count em fourth straight execution of his secondary finisher his KOJI CLUTCH.
Jay Lethal defeated Brinson Faust by Submission at the 12 minute mark.
(Lethal +116 / Faust -42)
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5. The Bash Brothers - Agrippas & Ocularus vs LXG World Champion - Rob Van Dam & Sabu with Abdullah Farouk:
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Abdullah Farouk was tempted to try to up the stakes but then thought against it. Although he had heard of them from someplace, he really had absolutely no idea how talented the Bash Brothers were and decided to play it safe - which angered Sabu.
The Bash Brothers definitely knew their way around the ring and showed serious tag and double teaming skills. But as Sabu hit the oncoming Ocularus with a Spinning Leg Lariat, LXG World Champion Rob Van Dam pinned Agrippas via a show stopping 5 STAR FROG SPLASH and roll up.
Rob Van Dam & Sabu defeated The Bash Brothers by Pinfall at the 3 minute mark.
(Van Dam & Sabu -50 / Bash Brothers -50)
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6. Fist & Probation with The Leveler vs The Kindred - Stephen DeArcher and Mallick DeArcher with Thantos. :
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Thantos and The Leveler (aka Spike) both agreed to up the stakes to make this one a Double Ratings Points No Dq match - which made everyone involved including the fans totally stoked, but none involved were as Stoked as The Leveler.
The Kindred took control immediately in this long tag match via furiously double teaming the monstrous Probation and cutting him off from Fist as much as possible. The pivotal point came at the very end of the match as The Kindred hit Fist with their Tag Finisher - MORTAL CITY - A Double Flying Tombstone Piledriver; with Probation unable to assist all eyes turned to the Leveler who later claimed his arm cannon had just stopped working.
Thantos was beside himself with joy, The Kindred played along as if they were still under Thantos's and The Dominions command, Fist and Probation blamed each other as well as The Leveler. Inside his suit, Spike was ecstatic.
Stephen & Mallick DeArcher defeated Fist & Probation by Pinfall at the 18 minute mark.
(The Kindred +76 / Fist & Probation -76)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Vipers Pit - Episode 9:
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The first segment of Vipers Pit on this card was the next edition of - The LXG Against The World - the pivotal moments were:
Iraqi President Mad-Dom Rogain's confusing rhetoric on how his country Iraq is completely innocent of, well everything, whereas all crime and sin have always originated from Brooklyn. LXG Public Relations Guru - Bill Murray countered this with - Everybody in the west came from the east so absolutely everything in the west and learned in the west also came and was learned from the east. On the 8th day God did not create Brooklyn, life began on your side of the pond. Murray intentionally confused him for the rest of the show at the end by saying - Do you pick your feet in Poughkeepsie? You do don't you! I Knew It!!
The Queen of England - Queen Hairy II accused the United States of being passive and not nearly tough enough as a country around the world. Sky Low Low buzzed in immediately and said, nothing in this world is that straightforward or easy. Your comment is a generalization - a short cut to thinking. And don't give us any shit just because you lost your empire your highness. Life is just like the proverbial Kool Aid analogy you hear everywhere. Politics and world responsibility is not that simple, so sometimes you have no choice but to drink the Kool Aid thats called Life.
But here's the important thing to remember, you have to decide whether your a spitter or a swallower your highness. The United States never swallows. We didnt loose territory, you did. Now can you swallow that too your highness? (Stage director April Hunter sat with her head cradled in her hands as Ron Simmons fist went straight up in the air).
Russian President Gladdimhere Poopin came out and praised the new American President - Ronald Klump and all he is trying to achieve, Poopin also commented that I hope The LXG is behind him 100% in everything he does. Ron Simmons came out of nowhere with a very demonstrative - DAMN!!! (Which made all of them flinch and the Queen emit an OHH MY!!) which Sky Low Low's phone ap translated as - WHETHER WE BACK THIS PRESIDENT OR NOT THE ELECTION SHOULD HAVE BEEN RUN OVER AGAIN DUE TO OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE - THE ELECTION WAS COMPROMISED - AND LISTEN - WE ALL KNOW WHO YOU VOTED FOR MR PRESIDENT.
As Pit Viper declared this a victory for The LXG - The foreign panelists were left in three different states of mind - Rogain was confised, Poopin was pretending not to be cranky and The Queen rather fancied Sky Low Low and his feisty little attitude. Tensions were eased once Pit Viper broke out the best brownies any of them have ever had and eventially sent each of them back home with a generous LXG swag bag complete with a new Twister game in each one. They all enjoyed the orgasmatron immensely, especially Rogain who placed an order for one with Scrapheap immediately.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The second segment was the inaugural edition of The Celebration of the Lizard, where we see Jim Morrison sitting in front of a small lit fire pit within his and Phantasy's Tee Pee on the roof of Afghanistan Bananastan's and Black's Covens building - the fire provides the only light within the Tee Pee, and he begins:
Jim - This is called - You Must Confront.
You must confront your life
Which is sneaking up on you
Like a rapt coiled serpent
Snail-slime
You must confront
The inevitable eventually
Bloody Bones has got you!
And then Jim closes his eyes, as off camera Phantasy could be heard saying Love My Guy...
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7. The Commissioners No Dq Tournament - The Real Man - Mr. X vs Jim Cornette:
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The pomp, circumstance and fanfare was actually a factor in what would make this ordinarily a good match to go to the bathroom to as referee Sky Low Low thought to himself. Cornettes solid gold leaf Tennis Rackets held aloft in both hands glistened and sparkled as they reflected the lights while Mr. X's extravagant and Flairish cape hid a smouldering secret weapon - a branding iron with a big ole X at the end of it.
For a while there it looked promising, The Real Man - Mr. X was on an offensive roll via Muliple Eye Rakes after just coming off the ropes with a Knee to Cornettes head. But Cornette soon reversed a turnbuckle whip and finished off poor Mr. X with a weighted TENNIS RACKET right between his eyes enabling Cornette to hook the leg and the victory.
As Cornette raised his arms in triumph in the center of the ring, Mr. X jabbed him in the ass with the branding iron; leaving a painful X on his ass as it burnt through and melted the seat of his weird polyester pants. As Cornette ran backstage trying to cover up his assless briefs and looked frantically for water, Mr. X handed Cornettes two gold plated tennis rackets to the hottest women he could find, neither one of which gave him their number when he asked them.
Jim Cornette defeated Mr. X by Pinfall at the 3 minute mark.
(Cornette advances and gets lots of lanacane spray / Mr. X continues his winless streak and starts to get even crazier than before).
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8. The Only The Strong Survive Tournament (Tag Division) - Lance Hoyt & Ox Baker vs The Killer Bees - B. Brian Blair & Jim Brunzell.:
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Most in attendance were favoring The Killer Bees to win. Sly Drury was at ringside and he was a betting man, but he decided to bet on Cranston's team of Ox Baker and Lance Hoyt.
The Killer Bees started off on offense and were really starting to out tag team wrestle Hoyt and Baker - in particular via their Double Elbow Smash Double Teaming and great defensive tag work. But as soon as the ref caught them while they tried MASKED CONFUSION, the tide turned to the team that completely out toe to toe wrestled them in this match, Hoyt and Baker.
Lance Hoyt put B. Brian Blair away with his DARK DAYS finisher - a Snap Inverted DDT for the 3 count as Ox Baker HEART PUNCHED Jim Brunzell into another state of consciousness.
(Hoyt & Baker advance / The Killer Bees go home)
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9. Roddy Piper vs Kill Prey.:
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Roddy Piper played his own set of bag pipes to the ring, Kill Prey paced inside it. Roddy Piper downed a cup of beer that a fan handed him, Kill Prey paced inside the ring. Roddy Piper lifted up the front of his kilt in front of hot female fans, Kill Prey kept pacing.
As soon as the bell rang and they locked up - Roddy Piper caught Kill Prey completely off guard by biting his forehead open spilling blood down his face. From there Piper went to work on his opponent whose reputation precedes him.
Roddy Piper completely outbrawled Kill Prey oddly enough in a match that never left the ring and Piper used his Knee Lifts and Swinging Neckbreakers to soften and set up Kill Prey for his Figure Four Leglock and his primary finisher - SLEEPER. Kill Prey broke out of the first one but with the second SLEEPER - Piper tripped Kill Prey up in the center of the ring, grounding him, which helped forcing him to tap out.
Roddy Piper defeated Kill Prey by Submission at the 6 minute mark.
(Roddy Piper +94 / Kill Prey -46).
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10. The Aethran Overmaster with The Leveler vs Bruno Sammartino:
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The crowd was 100% behind Bruno Sammartino, as he made his entrance towards The Aethran Overmaster and The Leveler standing in the middle of the ring. A volitile crowd continued to boo The Overmaster and cheer Sammartino simultaneously making the most noise they had made for the whole night.
The Overmaster was stunned by the power of his foot and a half shorter, 140 pound lighter opponent as he forced him to retreat to the outside within seconds after the start of the match. Outside the ring after an epic brawl, wherin The Overmaster focused on Sammartinos head as Sammartino punished his opponents ribs, The Overmaster regained offensive control and kept it for the remainder of the match.
The crowd booed with each pin attempt The Overmaster made but cheered triumphantly each time Sammartino kicked out of it. The Overmaster in frustration hurled the bloodied Sammartino out of the ring and Overmaster Overhead Tossed Sammartino straight into the concrete floor, further blasting him open. The Overmaster stood in the center of the ring with his arms folded in defiance staring at 265 pounds of raw willpower trying to climb back into the ring. Sammartino made it to the top step of the ring stairs when an apologetic faced referee counted him out.
The Aethran Overmaster defeated Bruno Sammartino by Count Out
(Overmaster +42 / Sammartino -42).
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(5) Fly on the Wall Reports:
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(1 of 5) What Makes One Sly - Part 1 of 2.
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From a distance, one would think that Sly Drury's world is caving in around him. For instance:
1. The Maffei's (his intergalactic crime group), presence on Earth (one of his biggest portions of The Maffei's business), has just been cut in half by Epoch.
2. Epoch has liberated Iron Hand and Code Destroyer from Sly's own crew.
3. The Dominion are now working with his former mentor and rival Thantos and his agendas instead of him.
4. He lost Monolith back to The Dark Menace.
5. He only holds 5% ownership of The LXG (which is outselling most at the moment) but he has no real personal power or pull.
6. He is no longer safe from coming under The Dominions control or annihilation just like basically everyone else in the universe.
But what actually makes One Sly is within Part 2 on Month 4 - Card 16's Fly on the Wall section.
(2 of 5) The Gamemaster Queen Side Castles:
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Thantos now has all of his chess pieces in place:
1. The Queen of the Night's invasion fleet is on it's way to the dark side of Earth's Moon and is using a brilliant cloaking device.
2. He (through an expensive black magic deal with Zaratticus) can manipulate cyber operatives in all of the most powerful countries on Earth in order to be able to start a Third World War with one single key stroke whenever he wishes.
3. His own allegiance with The Dominion will guarantee his family's (he, his son Encubus and his not so more estranged biological father Morpheus), sovereignty over Cetus instead of that dreaded House of Omega.
4. Dominance over that moron McCan't and the eventual / inevitable ownership of his entire roster of World Wide Empire wrestlers.
5. Once the Earth falls, the rest of the universe will bow down to he and The Dominions authority in order to prevent a full scale universal war.
As Thantos reveled in what he knew was his overabundance of genius, his father Morpheus and son Encubus sat with him in his apartment - all drinking Johnny Walker Blue in celebration.
But in the back of Morpheus's mind he had a feeling something was wrong somewhere in this plan. If things seem to easy or too good to be true - they usually are. Thantos dismissed it as nonsense - his plans couldn't fail, but Morpheus still wasn't convinced. Morpheus decided to himself that what (or in this case who) was bothering him - needed to be watched, whether Thantos agreed to it or not.
(3 of 5) The Third Reign King Side Castles:
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Epoch Has settled in quite nicely here at The LXG - as he pondered his overall position:
1. Cranstons product Heisenbergs Cloud is now outselling Swamis Stash and it has now become the preferred and THE hip product out there.
2. Smallie Biggs has pledged his short allegiance to Epoch and his Third Reign - his Authentic Sheepshead Bay Delicatessen and Escort Service should thrive - being a featured part of The LXG Arena and Hotel presence on the Moon which has just recently been dubbed The City Of Fight and the name of the hotel - The Brooklyn Bungalow.
3. The Dark Menace is strongly considering Epoch's offer of selling 5% of his LXG ownership share to Epoch for his promise of loyalty to the The Dark Menace's particularly be against Sly and any of his agendas.
4. Epoch has his people starting to reach out to other Maffei groups throughout the universe spreading word that Slys Empire isn't what it was in fact he's beatable - Epoch did it. We'd love for you to join The Third Reign - that type of thing.
5. Epochs man Kill Prey is feeding Fhanna mostly false but some true information in exchange for more than likely mostly false but some true information from her during their affair. Fhanna is also getting closer to Little Beaver in order to gain additional leverage across the board.
But like all great visionaries, he can also read between the lines. He knows who The Queen of the Night is and he knows she is definitely working with someone here. If he was a betting man (and he is) its probably Thantos as opposed to Sly who appears to thankfully have fallen from grace.
(4 of 5) Fade To Black:
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The Guardian was traveling in astral form and as cautiously as he could towards the large mass he had spotted some distance off from the Moon.
The large mass was definitely an invasion fleet. 12 large troop transports, 6 large battleships and 6 large (small fighter) carriers.
He figured there had to be about 6 million ground troops, and perhaps a million man to man fighters. Based off of the appearance of the second scouting party The Dominion sent out, The Guardian wouldn't rule out that this invasion force is perhaps landing first on the hidden side of the moon to prepare for invasion.
Then the entire force - all 24 ships completely disappeared. The Guardian couldnt even sense their Astral footprints or presences. It was the most advanced and progressive cloaking device he ever saw.
He decided to return back to Endgame and The LXG as quickly as possible - we are going to have to prepare a plan he knew.
They could be going anywhere now - and they are completely undetectable.
(5 of 5) Creeping Death:
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He couldn't believe this was happening to him, but this immense creature was just too powerful - he couldnt fight him off any more and then he slowly passed from the light.
But when he awoke, the creature who attacked him in the alley was next to him, telling him the pain he feels is because his organs are shutting down, but he is not dying at all. He is being born again into a new life. The only organ that goes in reverse during the transformation is the appendix. A now obsolete organ that many thousands of years ago helped aid mankind digest raw meat and flesh, begins working like never before. In order to take his mind off the intense pain, Gustav gave his new zombie recruit a large dead rat to eat, which without thinking, he grabbed from Gustavs hands and tore into with his teeth.
Gustav had attacked him on a somewhat secluded street by The Bowery section of Manhattan and dragged him underground through the sewers into one of the larger areas where one (or two could sit or even lie down). Gustav knew that he was an aspiring wrestler who called himself Evil Dead. Now, thought Gustav, he could start to live up to his name.
Evil Dead felt of course different - but as an added bonus, he felt stronger...much more stronger. Immortal and stronger he thinks he can deal with; as his eyes caught a circle that had been rock scratched into the wall a little above where they sat that said - G Loves A within the circle. Also scratched into the wall beneath it said - Because a heart can be broken, but not a circle.
League News:
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After multiple talks between Trish Stratus and The Dark Menace, the following changes are going to be implemented by The LXG starting with Month 5:
1. A Womens Only division has been created with two new LXG titles sanctioned - Womens Universe Champion & Women's Universe Tag Team Champions.
2. The women within The LXG now make as much money as the men do.
Having proven their point and fought for their rights, the women collectively have decided to stick to their own division for these reasons and others including; too many of the men are perverted and too many of them smell - quite horrifically.
(On a side note - Penny Banner is still going to defend her LXG Television Title for as long as she can).
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A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen...
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Coming Soon - Month 4 - Card 16:
Match Announcements
Coming Attractions
A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen...
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Month 4 - Card 15 - Match Results:
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1. Cheerleader Melissa vs Nikolai Volkoff:
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This time once Volkoffs horrific Russian national anthem singing was over, he tried to rap a Beastie Boys song - No Sleep Till Brooklyn, that got even more boos than the anthem.
Cheerleader Melissa proved to be just too agile for Nikolai Volkoff and he barely laid a hand on her. It took Melissa a while to wear him down but ultimately a combo of a Samoan Drop into her primary finisher KUDOH DRIVER - A Back To Back Double Underhook Piledriver prooved to be the difference as she hooked the leg for the three count.
Cheerleader Melissa defeats Nikolai Volkoff by Pinfall at the 9 minute mark.
(Melissa +153 / Volkoff - 86)
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2. Gladiator of The New Aethran Empire - Havoc vs Antonio Inoki:
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Just prior to the start of the match, Havoc kept thinking about what Santon The Loner had said to him about Disaster. Sure he's a great wrestler, but he's never been a Minister of War before like I was - said Santon to Havoc.
It was either because Havoc just wasn't focused or Inoki had fully healed and was spot on effective tonight - or both. Antonio Inoki was simply all over Havoc and commanded the offense as well as the pace throughout; after many kick outs, Havoc eventually tapped out to Inoki's secondary finisher - OCTOPUS HOLD.
Antonio Inoki defeats Havoc by Submission at the 15 minute mark.
(Inoki -4 / Havoc -132)
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3. Alphonse & Darmody with Sly Drury vs Iron Hand & Code Destroyer with Epoch:
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The arena was loaded full of tension as Sly Drury (aka The Walking Dude) escorted his tag team and fellow members of his crime family The Maffei who just came back from a crucial mission - Intergalactic Gangsters Alphonse & Darmody. Awaiting them in the ring was the former Martial Law tag team of Iron Hand and Code Destroyer with their new manager Epoch. Drury and Epoch negotiated with the ref to make this a Double Ratings Point & No Dq Match.
The brawling between the two teams were off the charts but as the match continued, Alphonse and Darmody's tag skills started to sway the balance in their favor. At the end of it Iron Hand passed out in Alphonses LIGATURE finisher - a sleeperhold with a hidden piano wire. As the referee awarded the victory to Alphonse and Darmody a three on three brawl soon erupted that turned into a four on four brawl as soon as Shayne and Kill Prey arrived. It took about 15 members of security to eventually restore order and Iron Hand needed immediate medical attention.
Alphonse & Darmody defeated Iron Hand and Code Destroyer by Knockout.
(Alphonse & Darmody +88/ Hand & Destroyer - 88)
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4. Jay Lethal with The Unpredictable Johnny Rodz vs Brinson Faust. :
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The Unpredictable Johnny Rodz was full of piss and vinegar as he approached Brinson Faust to try to up the stakes for his man Jay Lethal who recently earned a shot at The World Title via his success in The Lords of Flatbush. Faust declined and told Rodz - He told me to tell you no. Who?!? said Rodz, Lethal said Faust.
Faust took early command via several Double Handed Choke Slams and Springboard Double Back Elbows and looked to be on his way to an easy victory until Lethal kicked out of Fausts powerful primary finisher FOUR ARMED DRIVER. From that point on Lethal rolled outside the ring and blasted Faust in the skull with a fire extinguisher which set up Lethal to force Faust to tap out to his fourth, count em fourth straight execution of his secondary finisher his KOJI CLUTCH.
Jay Lethal defeated Brinson Faust by Submission at the 12 minute mark.
(Lethal +116 / Faust -42)
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5. The Bash Brothers - Agrippas & Ocularus vs LXG World Champion - Rob Van Dam & Sabu with Abdullah Farouk:
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Abdullah Farouk was tempted to try to up the stakes but then thought against it. Although he had heard of them from someplace, he really had absolutely no idea how talented the Bash Brothers were and decided to play it safe - which angered Sabu.
The Bash Brothers definitely knew their way around the ring and showed serious tag and double teaming skills. But as Sabu hit the oncoming Ocularus with a Spinning Leg Lariat, LXG World Champion Rob Van Dam pinned Agrippas via a show stopping 5 STAR FROG SPLASH and roll up.
Rob Van Dam & Sabu defeated The Bash Brothers by Pinfall at the 3 minute mark.
(Van Dam & Sabu -50 / Bash Brothers -50)
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6. Fist & Probation with The Leveler vs The Kindred - Stephen DeArcher and Mallick DeArcher with Thantos. :
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Thantos and The Leveler (aka Spike) both agreed to up the stakes to make this one a Double Ratings Points No Dq match - which made everyone involved including the fans totally stoked, but none involved were as Stoked as The Leveler.
The Kindred took control immediately in this long tag match via furiously double teaming the monstrous Probation and cutting him off from Fist as much as possible. The pivotal point came at the very end of the match as The Kindred hit Fist with their Tag Finisher - MORTAL CITY - A Double Flying Tombstone Piledriver; with Probation unable to assist all eyes turned to the Leveler who later claimed his arm cannon had just stopped working.
Thantos was beside himself with joy, The Kindred played along as if they were still under Thantos's and The Dominions command, Fist and Probation blamed each other as well as The Leveler. Inside his suit, Spike was ecstatic.
Stephen & Mallick DeArcher defeated Fist & Probation by Pinfall at the 18 minute mark.
(The Kindred +76 / Fist & Probation -76)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Vipers Pit - Episode 9:
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The first segment of Vipers Pit on this card was the next edition of - The LXG Against The World - the pivotal moments were:
Iraqi President Mad-Dom Rogain's confusing rhetoric on how his country Iraq is completely innocent of, well everything, whereas all crime and sin have always originated from Brooklyn. LXG Public Relations Guru - Bill Murray countered this with - Everybody in the west came from the east so absolutely everything in the west and learned in the west also came and was learned from the east. On the 8th day God did not create Brooklyn, life began on your side of the pond. Murray intentionally confused him for the rest of the show at the end by saying - Do you pick your feet in Poughkeepsie? You do don't you! I Knew It!!
The Queen of England - Queen Hairy II accused the United States of being passive and not nearly tough enough as a country around the world. Sky Low Low buzzed in immediately and said, nothing in this world is that straightforward or easy. Your comment is a generalization - a short cut to thinking. And don't give us any shit just because you lost your empire your highness. Life is just like the proverbial Kool Aid analogy you hear everywhere. Politics and world responsibility is not that simple, so sometimes you have no choice but to drink the Kool Aid thats called Life.
But here's the important thing to remember, you have to decide whether your a spitter or a swallower your highness. The United States never swallows. We didnt loose territory, you did. Now can you swallow that too your highness? (Stage director April Hunter sat with her head cradled in her hands as Ron Simmons fist went straight up in the air).
Russian President Gladdimhere Poopin came out and praised the new American President - Ronald Klump and all he is trying to achieve, Poopin also commented that I hope The LXG is behind him 100% in everything he does. Ron Simmons came out of nowhere with a very demonstrative - DAMN!!! (Which made all of them flinch and the Queen emit an OHH MY!!) which Sky Low Low's phone ap translated as - WHETHER WE BACK THIS PRESIDENT OR NOT THE ELECTION SHOULD HAVE BEEN RUN OVER AGAIN DUE TO OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE - THE ELECTION WAS COMPROMISED - AND LISTEN - WE ALL KNOW WHO YOU VOTED FOR MR PRESIDENT.
As Pit Viper declared this a victory for The LXG - The foreign panelists were left in three different states of mind - Rogain was confised, Poopin was pretending not to be cranky and The Queen rather fancied Sky Low Low and his feisty little attitude. Tensions were eased once Pit Viper broke out the best brownies any of them have ever had and eventially sent each of them back home with a generous LXG swag bag complete with a new Twister game in each one. They all enjoyed the orgasmatron immensely, especially Rogain who placed an order for one with Scrapheap immediately.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The second segment was the inaugural edition of The Celebration of the Lizard, where we see Jim Morrison sitting in front of a small lit fire pit within his and Phantasy's Tee Pee on the roof of Afghanistan Bananastan's and Black's Covens building - the fire provides the only light within the Tee Pee, and he begins:
Jim - This is called - You Must Confront.
You must confront your life
Which is sneaking up on you
Like a rapt coiled serpent
Snail-slime
You must confront
The inevitable eventually
Bloody Bones has got you!
And then Jim closes his eyes, as off camera Phantasy could be heard saying Love My Guy...
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7. The Commissioners No Dq Tournament - The Real Man - Mr. X vs Jim Cornette:
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The pomp, circumstance and fanfare was actually a factor in what would make this ordinarily a good match to go to the bathroom to as referee Sky Low Low thought to himself. Cornettes solid gold leaf Tennis Rackets held aloft in both hands glistened and sparkled as they reflected the lights while Mr. X's extravagant and Flairish cape hid a smouldering secret weapon - a branding iron with a big ole X at the end of it.
For a while there it looked promising, The Real Man - Mr. X was on an offensive roll via Muliple Eye Rakes after just coming off the ropes with a Knee to Cornettes head. But Cornette soon reversed a turnbuckle whip and finished off poor Mr. X with a weighted TENNIS RACKET right between his eyes enabling Cornette to hook the leg and the victory.
As Cornette raised his arms in triumph in the center of the ring, Mr. X jabbed him in the ass with the branding iron; leaving a painful X on his ass as it burnt through and melted the seat of his weird polyester pants. As Cornette ran backstage trying to cover up his assless briefs and looked frantically for water, Mr. X handed Cornettes two gold plated tennis rackets to the hottest women he could find, neither one of which gave him their number when he asked them.
Jim Cornette defeated Mr. X by Pinfall at the 3 minute mark.
(Cornette advances and gets lots of lanacane spray / Mr. X continues his winless streak and starts to get even crazier than before).
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8. The Only The Strong Survive Tournament (Tag Division) - Lance Hoyt & Ox Baker vs The Killer Bees - B. Brian Blair & Jim Brunzell.:
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Most in attendance were favoring The Killer Bees to win. Sly Drury was at ringside and he was a betting man, but he decided to bet on Cranston's team of Ox Baker and Lance Hoyt.
The Killer Bees started off on offense and were really starting to out tag team wrestle Hoyt and Baker - in particular via their Double Elbow Smash Double Teaming and great defensive tag work. But as soon as the ref caught them while they tried MASKED CONFUSION, the tide turned to the team that completely out toe to toe wrestled them in this match, Hoyt and Baker.
Lance Hoyt put B. Brian Blair away with his DARK DAYS finisher - a Snap Inverted DDT for the 3 count as Ox Baker HEART PUNCHED Jim Brunzell into another state of consciousness.
(Hoyt & Baker advance / The Killer Bees go home)
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9. Roddy Piper vs Kill Prey.:
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Roddy Piper played his own set of bag pipes to the ring, Kill Prey paced inside it. Roddy Piper downed a cup of beer that a fan handed him, Kill Prey paced inside the ring. Roddy Piper lifted up the front of his kilt in front of hot female fans, Kill Prey kept pacing.
As soon as the bell rang and they locked up - Roddy Piper caught Kill Prey completely off guard by biting his forehead open spilling blood down his face. From there Piper went to work on his opponent whose reputation precedes him.
Roddy Piper completely outbrawled Kill Prey oddly enough in a match that never left the ring and Piper used his Knee Lifts and Swinging Neckbreakers to soften and set up Kill Prey for his Figure Four Leglock and his primary finisher - SLEEPER. Kill Prey broke out of the first one but with the second SLEEPER - Piper tripped Kill Prey up in the center of the ring, grounding him, which helped forcing him to tap out.
Roddy Piper defeated Kill Prey by Submission at the 6 minute mark.
(Roddy Piper +94 / Kill Prey -46).
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10. The Aethran Overmaster with The Leveler vs Bruno Sammartino:
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The crowd was 100% behind Bruno Sammartino, as he made his entrance towards The Aethran Overmaster and The Leveler standing in the middle of the ring. A volitile crowd continued to boo The Overmaster and cheer Sammartino simultaneously making the most noise they had made for the whole night.
The Overmaster was stunned by the power of his foot and a half shorter, 140 pound lighter opponent as he forced him to retreat to the outside within seconds after the start of the match. Outside the ring after an epic brawl, wherin The Overmaster focused on Sammartinos head as Sammartino punished his opponents ribs, The Overmaster regained offensive control and kept it for the remainder of the match.
The crowd booed with each pin attempt The Overmaster made but cheered triumphantly each time Sammartino kicked out of it. The Overmaster in frustration hurled the bloodied Sammartino out of the ring and Overmaster Overhead Tossed Sammartino straight into the concrete floor, further blasting him open. The Overmaster stood in the center of the ring with his arms folded in defiance staring at 265 pounds of raw willpower trying to climb back into the ring. Sammartino made it to the top step of the ring stairs when an apologetic faced referee counted him out.
The Aethran Overmaster defeated Bruno Sammartino by Count Out
(Overmaster +42 / Sammartino -42).
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(5) Fly on the Wall Reports:
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(1 of 5) What Makes One Sly - Part 1 of 2.
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From a distance, one would think that Sly Drury's world is caving in around him. For instance:
1. The Maffei's (his intergalactic crime group), presence on Earth (one of his biggest portions of The Maffei's business), has just been cut in half by Epoch.
2. Epoch has liberated Iron Hand and Code Destroyer from Sly's own crew.
3. The Dominion are now working with his former mentor and rival Thantos and his agendas instead of him.
4. He lost Monolith back to The Dark Menace.
5. He only holds 5% ownership of The LXG (which is outselling most at the moment) but he has no real personal power or pull.
6. He is no longer safe from coming under The Dominions control or annihilation just like basically everyone else in the universe.
But what actually makes One Sly is within Part 2 on Month 4 - Card 16's Fly on the Wall section.
(2 of 5) The Gamemaster Queen Side Castles:
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Thantos now has all of his chess pieces in place:
1. The Queen of the Night's invasion fleet is on it's way to the dark side of Earth's Moon and is using a brilliant cloaking device.
2. He (through an expensive black magic deal with Zaratticus) can manipulate cyber operatives in all of the most powerful countries on Earth in order to be able to start a Third World War with one single key stroke whenever he wishes.
3. His own allegiance with The Dominion will guarantee his family's (he, his son Encubus and his not so more estranged biological father Morpheus), sovereignty over Cetus instead of that dreaded House of Omega.
4. Dominance over that moron McCan't and the eventual / inevitable ownership of his entire roster of World Wide Empire wrestlers.
5. Once the Earth falls, the rest of the universe will bow down to he and The Dominions authority in order to prevent a full scale universal war.
As Thantos reveled in what he knew was his overabundance of genius, his father Morpheus and son Encubus sat with him in his apartment - all drinking Johnny Walker Blue in celebration.
But in the back of Morpheus's mind he had a feeling something was wrong somewhere in this plan. If things seem to easy or too good to be true - they usually are. Thantos dismissed it as nonsense - his plans couldn't fail, but Morpheus still wasn't convinced. Morpheus decided to himself that what (or in this case who) was bothering him - needed to be watched, whether Thantos agreed to it or not.
(3 of 5) The Third Reign King Side Castles:
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Epoch Has settled in quite nicely here at The LXG - as he pondered his overall position:
1. Cranstons product Heisenbergs Cloud is now outselling Swamis Stash and it has now become the preferred and THE hip product out there.
2. Smallie Biggs has pledged his short allegiance to Epoch and his Third Reign - his Authentic Sheepshead Bay Delicatessen and Escort Service should thrive - being a featured part of The LXG Arena and Hotel presence on the Moon which has just recently been dubbed The City Of Fight and the name of the hotel - The Brooklyn Bungalow.
3. The Dark Menace is strongly considering Epoch's offer of selling 5% of his LXG ownership share to Epoch for his promise of loyalty to the The Dark Menace's particularly be against Sly and any of his agendas.
4. Epoch has his people starting to reach out to other Maffei groups throughout the universe spreading word that Slys Empire isn't what it was in fact he's beatable - Epoch did it. We'd love for you to join The Third Reign - that type of thing.
5. Epochs man Kill Prey is feeding Fhanna mostly false but some true information in exchange for more than likely mostly false but some true information from her during their affair. Fhanna is also getting closer to Little Beaver in order to gain additional leverage across the board.
But like all great visionaries, he can also read between the lines. He knows who The Queen of the Night is and he knows she is definitely working with someone here. If he was a betting man (and he is) its probably Thantos as opposed to Sly who appears to thankfully have fallen from grace.
(4 of 5) Fade To Black:
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The Guardian was traveling in astral form and as cautiously as he could towards the large mass he had spotted some distance off from the Moon.
The large mass was definitely an invasion fleet. 12 large troop transports, 6 large battleships and 6 large (small fighter) carriers.
He figured there had to be about 6 million ground troops, and perhaps a million man to man fighters. Based off of the appearance of the second scouting party The Dominion sent out, The Guardian wouldn't rule out that this invasion force is perhaps landing first on the hidden side of the moon to prepare for invasion.
Then the entire force - all 24 ships completely disappeared. The Guardian couldnt even sense their Astral footprints or presences. It was the most advanced and progressive cloaking device he ever saw.
He decided to return back to Endgame and The LXG as quickly as possible - we are going to have to prepare a plan he knew.
They could be going anywhere now - and they are completely undetectable.
(5 of 5) Creeping Death:
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He couldn't believe this was happening to him, but this immense creature was just too powerful - he couldnt fight him off any more and then he slowly passed from the light.
But when he awoke, the creature who attacked him in the alley was next to him, telling him the pain he feels is because his organs are shutting down, but he is not dying at all. He is being born again into a new life. The only organ that goes in reverse during the transformation is the appendix. A now obsolete organ that many thousands of years ago helped aid mankind digest raw meat and flesh, begins working like never before. In order to take his mind off the intense pain, Gustav gave his new zombie recruit a large dead rat to eat, which without thinking, he grabbed from Gustavs hands and tore into with his teeth.
Gustav had attacked him on a somewhat secluded street by The Bowery section of Manhattan and dragged him underground through the sewers into one of the larger areas where one (or two could sit or even lie down). Gustav knew that he was an aspiring wrestler who called himself Evil Dead. Now, thought Gustav, he could start to live up to his name.
Evil Dead felt of course different - but as an added bonus, he felt stronger...much more stronger. Immortal and stronger he thinks he can deal with; as his eyes caught a circle that had been rock scratched into the wall a little above where they sat that said - G Loves A within the circle. Also scratched into the wall beneath it said - Because a heart can be broken, but not a circle.
League News:
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After multiple talks between Trish Stratus and The Dark Menace, the following changes are going to be implemented by The LXG starting with Month 5:
1. A Womens Only division has been created with two new LXG titles sanctioned - Womens Universe Champion & Women's Universe Tag Team Champions.
2. The women within The LXG now make as much money as the men do.
Having proven their point and fought for their rights, the women collectively have decided to stick to their own division for these reasons and others including; too many of the men are perverted and too many of them smell - quite horrifically.
(On a side note - Penny Banner is still going to defend her LXG Television Title for as long as she can).
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A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen...
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Coming Soon - Month 4 - Card 16:
Match Announcements
Coming Attractions
