WPW #26-2: THE BEEFENING
INTERMISSION and the
Cult of Cornette, Hotchkiss, Khosrow, and Claudio are backstage at the
interview area. Cornette says that first he’d like to congratulate his client on a job well done, Khosrow proved that
WPW is
“Where the Big Boys Hang.” Cornette says he’s tired of watching
idiots and
mental cases wearing all of the
championship gold in this company. Corny explains that next month, WPW will be coming to you live on Pay-Per-View and FiteTV for the supercard spectacular:
WPW CLASH AT CASTLE CORNETTE where the
WPW FlexZone will invade Corny’s
literal home and who better to challenge for the
WPW World Championship than Corny’s man, Khosrow Vaziri, “The Ten Inch Terror,” “The Meat that Can’t Be Beat,”
The Iron Sheik himself. “Whether it’s
Macho or
Jay Lethal, Khosrow is going to be ready,” Corny says. Corny holds up a bottle and it appears to be the new
“Nugenix Thermal!”
MTV Musical Segment: Body Count performs the song
“KKK Bitch” from their
1992 self-titled album. A number of
MTV television executives seem to be nervously pacing around backstage
profusely whispering apologies into their cellphones.
Backstage Promo: #1 Contender Jay Lethal is in his locker room, taping up his wrists. He’s standing there with
The Black Lads,
Swerve Strickland and
Scorpio Sky. Lethal says that
Macho has had this coming for a long time. He adds Macho was always a
showboater, always a
hotdogger, a
grandstander; Macho always took credit for anything
The Lethal Savages accomplished. Lethal says,
“Macho must be one banana short of a fruit stand” if he thinks that
Allie Katch feels for him the way he feels for her. Lethal says that Macho
sealed his own fate when he made this title match into a
Hardcore Texas Death Match, because Lethal is going to put a period on Macho’s career with an asterisk, “
THE BEEFENING was when the
Macho Era ended in WPW, and
The Black Era began.”
Pre-Match: MJEffy have been on a roll here in
WPW ever since they were thrown together at
WPW IN HeAT. They even seem to be
rubbing off on each other. MJEffy’s theme song plays, which is currently a heavy metal version of
MJF’s traditional theme song, the two superstars emerge through the curtain and they are wearing their new
MJEffy T-shirt, Effy’s is visible underneath his
leather jacket and MJF’s is
cut off mid-way and they are both wearing
fishnet stockings. What a new look for MJF! Talk about
rubbing off! MJEffy still does not know who their
tag team opponents are going to be tonight.
The Commonwealth Kingpin of
The United Empire Will Ospreay’s theme plays and he makes his way out onto the stage. Ospreay tells MJEffy that he’s tired of
playing around and he’s going to put an end to this once and for all. He’s bringing in the
big guns now, he says.
“Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!” It’s
Aussie Open! The team of
Kyle Fletcher and
Mark Davis, the
tag team specialists of The United Empire, here in
America and live on pay-per-view. Ospreay tells Aussie Open, “Go get them, boys. Get this done.
Finish them,” as they pass by him on the stage. They make their way to the ring and stare down their opponents. MJEffy is ready for a fight.
Ding ding ding.
MJEffy (2-0)
[MJF (7-8) & Effy (5-0)
vs.
Aussie Open
[Kyle Fletcher & Mark Davis]
Kyle Fletcher starts things off against MJF and MJF dominates. MJF hits a brutal running knee strike and Fletcher is able to tag out. Mark Davis attempts an enziguri but MJF counters but Davis hits a big shoulder tackle. Davis tags back out and Aussie Open performs the corner lariat and ripsnorter. Fletcher and MJF go back and forth. MJF with several arm codebreakers and Fletcher reaches for the tag but he can’t make it. MJF pokes Fletcher in the eye while Effy twerks at the ref. Fletcher takes back over on MJF, he tags in Davis and they hit an assisted cutter. MJF dodges a corner yakuza kick and hits a big hammerlock powerbomb. MJF tries to poke Davis in the eye again, he stops it and they battle. Davis tags out and he and Fletcher hit a pop-up Aussie Arrow on MJF. Another quick tag from Aussie Open. MJF grabs Dunkzilla Mark Davis and pulls him to the apron. MJF hits a HEATSEEKER from the apron to the floor! That’s what busted one of Effy’s teeth out during their first encounter. A wild brawl erupts, the ref is calling for order, the action returns to the ring. More quick tags and devastating moves from Aussie Open. MJF makes the hot tag to Effy who hits a butterfly suplex on Fletcher. Effy is really going to town on the man from down under. Effy hits a cradle piledriver and goes for the pin. Mark Davis breaks the pin. Effy hits a Ruff Rider and goes for another pin! Mark Davis was still caught in the ropes and the ref counts 1-2-3.
Result: MJEffy d. Aussie Open when Effy pins Mark Davis after a Ruff Rider.
Post-Match: MJEffy once again proves their skills as a
cohesive unit.
Will Ospreay is fuming! He has spent a lot of money on
plane tickets getting these guys to
WPW only for them to lose to these
weirdos. Ospreay stomps down to the ring. He gets in and he’s berating
Mark Davis and
Kyle Fletcher. If he’s not careful there could be a coup within
The United Empire. Will Ospreay turns his attention to
Effy in the far corner. He approaches Effy, screaming
British obscenities at him. Ospreay isn’t on microphone, but he can easily be heard saying, “You are never going to
kiss me again! You are never going to
touch me again! You are never going to be within arms reach of me,
ever again!” And Effy motions for
The Commonwealth Kingpin to turn around. As Will Ospreay hesitantly turns around he comes eye-to-eye with
Maxwell Jacob Friedman. MJF grabs Ospreay’s jaw with both hands and plants a
big wet one on him. That’s a
smooch that Ospreay will be dreaming about for many nights to
come. He’s absolutely
mortified! He storms out of the ring with
Aussie Open in tow. MJEffy proves that they are great on their own, but together they are
unstoppable.
Backstage Promo: The cameras enter the locker room amidst a
championship celebration for the
new WPW Boys Champion Matt Riddle.
Skunky smoke fills the air as several of the
WPW superstars are happy to join in the celebrations, at least for a
rotation or two.
RVD comes up behind Matt Riddle with a giant
Gatorade bucket to dump on his head. As RVD lets it loose it turns out to be
pounds of top quality hydroponically grown
legal recreational cannabis. Riddle says, “
Bros, I couldn’t be
more happy right now! I got great
buds, great
friends, and I’m the new
Boys Champion! Who could argue with that?” And as a
cloud of smoke clears Matt Riddle is face-to-face with
Rohit Raju. Rohit says, “I could argue with that.” Rohit
slaps the joint out of Riddle’s hand. Rohit says, “Riddle me this. Where are you gonna be in one month at
WPW CLASH AT CASTLE CORNETTE?” Riddle gets back up in Rohit’s face and says, “
Bro, I’m going to be face-to-face with your
punk ass proving that I’m the WPW Boys Champion.” A
wild brawl erupts in the locker room and the cameras are forced back out the door.
Pre-Match: Brian Pillman Jr. makes his entrance to the
“Hollywood Blonds” theme song for this bout. He looks
determined, but not quite sure what to expect, as we all are.
BPJ may be playing with
forces that people just are not meant to play with. A
strange mist fills the arena and
laser lights start to illuminate the entranceway.
“Rocket” by Def Leppard plays and a figure enters through the mist. He’s announced as
“Flyin” Brian Pillman and he makes his way down to the ring. BPJ looks like he’s seen a
ghost.
Special Attraction
Brian Pillman Jr. (3-6)
vs.
Brian Pillman Sr.
BPJ and Brian Pillman go back and forth. Dad always seems one step ahead of his son but BPJ has clearly studied his father’s style. Pillman Sr. chokes his son on the mat, trying to teach him a lesson possibly? Senior hits a big DDT and BPJ leaves the ring. BPJ drags his dad out of the ring and smashes him into the turnbuckle post. Back inside, BPJ hits a flying cross body and pin but Pillman kicks out. BPJ sends his dad to the outside and hits him with a steel chair. The ref admonishes him but he rolls his dad back inside and hits DIRE PROMISE and Pillman barely kicks out. BPJ hits a Michinoku Driver and a devastating superkick. Pillman hits his son with an awesome piledriver and hops to the apron. Pillman hits AIR PILLMAN, his springboard clothesline and pins his son. Barely kicks out of the pin. Daddy goes out and hits another AIR PILLMAN. Pillman hits one more and gets the big pin on his son.
Result: Brian Pillman d. BPJ by pinfall following AIR PILLMAN
Post-Match: Brian Pillman Jr. has hopefully learned a lesson tonight.
Impressive victory for
“Flyin” Brian Pillman, we still can’t believe that we witnessed this match! Pillman Sr. reaches down his hand to his son. Brian Pillman Jr. extends his hand and his father helps his
fallen son up onto his feet. The two share a
poignant moment face-to-face in the middle of the ring and grab each other in a
huge embrace. Truly a memorable moment. Suddenly the lights in the arena begin to
flicker before turning off completely. The arena is in
pitch darkness for just a moment and when the lights come back on, Brian Pillman Jr. is still
engaged in a hug in the middle of the ring, but now it seems he’s hugging
Malakai Black! Pillman is saying,
“Why? How?” And Malakai backs up and connects with a
big spin kick right to Brian Pillman Jr’s head, knocking him
unconscious in the middle of the ring.
WPW security and officials are racing down to the ring but the
lights flicker and go black for another moment and when they come back on, the officials are standing in the ring
alone with BPJ.
Backstage Segment: A dejected
former Boys Champion Danhausen is backstage in the locker room, cramming his gear into a
duffel bag. He slowly shuts the locker door and leaves the locker room. Another camera catches him leaving the arena. Danhausen flips his
golden cape over his shoulder and begins to
awkwardly shuffle down the side of the road. We hear
“Lonely Man,” the theme from
The Incredible Hulk, as he tearfully diminishes into the distance, but the music must be coming from Danhausen’s cell phone or something because the music, too, gets quieter as he moves on. He sticks out his thumb to
hitchhike but most cars seem to speed up as they get close enough to see the
ghoulish figure with a duffel bag in a golden cape.
Pre-Match: “The Spanish Goddess” Thunder Rosa makes her way to the ring being accompanied by her
boy toy Sammy Guevara. Thunder Rosa has her game face on and she’s ready for a fight.
“Legit” Leyla Hirsch makes her entrance next and she’s accompanied by the most powerful faction in
WPW, D-Meditation-Y, which now includes
Diamond Dallas Page. Page,
Danielson, and
Sydal are here to offer support to their
“female bodyguard.”
Thunder Rosa
w/ Sammy Guevara
vs.
Leyla Hirsch (1-0)
w/ D-Meditation-Y
The bell rings to start this match and Leyla Hirsch clobbers Thunder Rosa with a running clothesline putting her down hard. Leyla Hirsch climbs up to the top and hits a big MOONSAULT finisher and hooks the leg for the 1-2-3.
Result: Leyla Hirsch absolutely squashes Thunder Rosa by pinfall following a MOONSAULT immediately after the opening bell
Post-Match: This is the
shortest match in
WPW history. What an impressive victory for
Legit Leyla Hirsch. Some will surely say that she got
lucky. Very lucky. Others might speculate that maybe there is some
merit behind some of the
witchcraft that
D-Meditation-Y dabbles in. Regardless, this will take longer for
Thunder Rosa to recover from the
embarrassment from such a loss compared to any
physical pain.
Backstage Promo: Jim Cornette and the
Cult of Cornette are returning to their locker room. Jim Cornette says, “Wait, what now? A guy named
Ozzie Oldham wrestled who now?” when they see the door is ajar.
Claudio whispers, “Hold on, I think there’s somebody in our locker room!” The Iron Sheik Khosrow Vaziri says, “Alright, guys. On the count of the three. One…. two……
F*CK YOU!” He screams as he leads the charge into the locker room.
Hotchkiss turns on the light and a whole
mess of racoons begins to scatter, they have been going through all of the Cult of Cornette’s belongings,
chewing through their bags, doing their
drugs, and
munching on their
ring gear. Corny starts going crazy swinging his
tennis racquet around attempting to clobber at least one of the
varmints. Suddenly Corny is face-to-face with what must be the
King Raccoon, he’s
several feet tall and haunched up on his hind legs staring the
sweaty Kentuckian down. The
mutant racoon breaks his gaze when Claudio starts throwing
dick pills at it. What caused this raccoon to mutate, could it be a side effect of
Nugenix Total-T? The
Giant, Mutant Racoon turns and scurries out the door leaving the locker room a
frenzied mess. Cornette may have another face-off to schedule at
WPW CLASH AT CASTLE CORNETTE when this freak-show comes to
Louisville, KY.
Pre-Match: WPW Commissioner Rowdy Roddy Piper comes down to the ring to preside over our
Main Event and to make sure that
The Black Lads (and
Miss Elizabeth, too) don’t get up to any
shenanigans. Making his entrance first is
#1 contender, former friend and partner of the world champion, being accompanied by The Black Lads,
Swerve Strickland and
Scorpio Sky, and their
Main Ho Allie Katch, Jay Lethal. Lethal gets some last minute advice from his stablemates and Roddy Piper instructs The Black Lads to stay out of this contest.
“Pomp & Circumstance” heralds the
reigning WPW World Champion Macho Man Randy Savage and he is accompanied by
“Miss Elizabeth” (
Lanny Poffo, who this evening is wearing a beautiful
sequined backless gown with a
matching clutch. The champ makes his way down the rampway. Miss Elizabeth holds open the ropes and Macho enters the ring to a
huge pop and he parades around the ring prominently displaying his
WPW World Championship title belt. This is the match we’ve all been waiting for.
The Lethal Savages Explode!
HARDCORE TEXAS DEATH MATCH
WPW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP
WPW World Champion
Macho Man Randy Savage (14-2)
w/ “Miss Elizabeth” Lanny Poffo
vs.
Jay Lethal (7-6)
w/ The Black Lads & Allie Katch
Macho is foaming at the mouth like a rabid animal and he starts things off with a huge, disrespectful slap to Jay Lethal’s face. Lethal counters a grinding headlock with a dragon suplex and Macho leaves the ring. Macho takes Lethal outside the ring and tries to whip him into the ringside railing but Jay Lethal reverses it and sends Macho crashing back-first into the guardrails. Lethal sends Macho back inside and hits a Lethal Combination and chokes Randy Savage on the ropes. Savage is pissed and straddles Lethal on the ropes. Macho tosses Jay Lethal out of the ring. Lethal returns to the ring with a steel chair and blasts the champion in the skull with it. The sound reverberates through the arena. Lethal goes for a LETHAL INJECTION but during his springboard Macho grabs the steel chair and swings right for the yam bag. Macho stops Lethal in his tracks with a chair between the legs. Talk about a head shot! Macho clotheslines Lethal over the top rope to the outside. Lethal grabs a metal pipe from underneath the ring and smashes Macho in the face with it. Lethal is dominating the champ. Both men begin brawling and the fight spills into the crowd. Macho drags Lethal out to the parking lot and body slams him on the hood of a car and the brawl returns to the ring. Macho hits a running knee to the back which sends Lethal through the ropes to the outside again. Macho follows. Lethal whips Macho into the steel guardrails yet again. Macho grabs the metal pipe, Lethal grabs it from him and blasts Macho with it again. The action goes back and forth. Macho hits a flying axe handle on the challenger and a big knee drop. Macho is completely obliterating Jay Lethal with gruesome knees to the back. Lethal is screaming in pain. Lethal grabs the steel chair and hits Macho again and hooks in a figure four leglock. Savage reverses it and frees himself. Savage puts him down with another elbow to the head. Macho ascends up to the top rope, points to the heavens, and comes crashing down hard on the throat of Jay Lethal with the FLYING ELBOW DROP. Blood is splashing up from the mat as Referee Don Stevens counts the 1-2-3.
Result: Macho Man d. Jay Lethal by pinfall following FLYING ELBOW DROP to retain the WPW World Championship
Post-Match: Macho Man has done it! The
most anticipated match in
WPW history is in the record books. Macho Man’s hand is raised in victory.
The Black Lads come storming down the ramp from the stage.
Roddy Piper is telling them to turn around and go back but
Swerve Strickland punches the
commissioner in the face and they continue towards the ring. Their path is suddenly obstructed by
“Miss Elizabeth,” and she’s not in a mood to play. One by one they charge at
Lanny Poffo and he clocks them in the face, knocking them out. “She” then opens her
clutch to reveal a
brick inside!
Huge pop from the crowd! “Miss Elizabeth” joins
Macho Man Randy Savage in the ring and presents him with his
WPW World Championship belt. “Miss Elizabeth” gives Macho an
exaggerated kiss on the cheek and Macho holds his belt up high as
fireworks go off in the night sky over
Ruoff Music Center.
MTV Musical Segment: Body Count performs the song
“Cop Killer” from their
1992 self-titled album and this time they have
gone too far. The crowd is becoming unruly after this
Hardcore Texas Death Match main event and they are
fired up. MTV executives are
blowing a gasket backstage. Certainly every paying advertiser on this program has gotten
numerous complaints from viewers (with a stick up their butt). A
riot breaks out in the
WPW Flex Zone and nothing is safe. The mob is tearing apart the ring and dismantling the
WPW logo from the
FlexTron on the stage.
This is madness. The
television producers are being told to
cut away from the
riot back to the band, but then are being told to
cut away from the band back to the
riot. This is a
lose-lose situation for
World Powerhouse Wrestling officials and producers as well as the
PR department at MTV. Holy smokes, what a
spectacle this event turned out to be!
Join us next month on Pay-Per-View and FiteTV for:
-WPW-
Clash at
Castle Cornette
