#55 - BEEFAMANIA on Pay-Per-View
(Year 1 - Month 10 - Week 4)
Welcome to the BEEFAMANIA pre-show, we’ll run down the amazing matches we have in store for us this evening and then get down to the ring for our pre-show match.
Backstage Segment: Danhausen is backstage in the locker room getting ready for his match this evening when
TJP approaches him trying to sell him some
Mortal Kombat toys he stole from
Ethan Page’s locker. “I’ll sell you this
Goro for $20.” Danhausen thinks on it, “Hmmm, Danhausen is highly suspicious of your bargain basement price on such a prized possession as a Goro.” TJP is getting frustrated, “Do you want it or not?” Danhausen gives a thumbs-up, “I’ve been looking for that Goro, actually.” “Here, I’ll throw in this copy of
WWF No Mercy for free, just don’t let anyone know it was from me, okay?” Danhausen hands over the cash, TJP gives him the hot merch. Danhausen knows TJP is up to no good, “Danhausen knows TJP is up to no good.” TJP scoffs, “Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?” Danhausen crooks his elbows, points his fingers, and raises it up into… A CURSE! “You’ve been cursed!” Danhausen proclaims. “Whatever, freak,” TJP leaves the locker room while jamming an– unbeknownst to him– counterfeit $20 bill with
President Danhausen’s face on it into his pocket.
Pre-Match: The Black Lads make their way out to the stage for this pre-show tag team contest.
Jay Lethal and
Swerve Strickland defeated
2 Limited last month at
GET HARD, though by disqualification, and then Jay Lethal couldn’t walk straight for weeks. After The Black Lads defeated
DPW Tag Team Champions Nugenix Express in a non-title match on
Power Hour they may have their sights set on DPW gold themselves.
PME make their way out next with their manager
“Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart. PME made a splash when they returned to Dynamo Powerhouse Wrestling but after losing to
Aussie Open they missed their opportunity to face the champs for the belt, but if they come out victorious this evening it would certainly bolster their case with
Commissioner Piper.
The Black Lads (4-3)
[Jay Lethal & Swerve Strickland]
w/ Scorpio Sky
vs.
Philly Marino Experience (1-3)
[Philly C & Marino T]
w/ Jimmy Hart
Jay Lethal and Swerve Strickland are not playing around anymore. Lethal may have extra incentive not to find himself in a vulnerable position with an opponent and a toothbrush for one. Lethal and Swerve employ quick tags and wear down PME. Eventually its Marino T that is fighting for the hot tag and he just cannot get it. Philly does what he can to assist his partner but it’s not enough this evening. Swerve hits Marino T with his JML driver and hooks the leg.
Result: The Black Lads d. PME when Swerve pins Marino following JML DRIVER
Post-Match: Jay Lethal is gloating,
Swerve is talking trash, and
Scorpio Sky joins his team mates in the ring as the ref raises their hands.
Jimmy Hart escorts his boys to the back as he shouts encouraging words to them thru his megaphone.
The Black Lads have been on a winning streak lately; will it take them all the way to the
DPW Tag Team Titles?
Video Package: A large city bus pulls up outside of the arena and stops at a bus stop. The bus’ door opens and a parade of wrestling fans shuffle out onto the sidewalk when suddenly in the middle of the throng of people is
Million Bitcoin Man Ted Dibiase. In one arm he’s holding his
DPW Boys Title belt, in the other his
Million Bitcoin Belt, and regretting not having a third arm to cover his nose so he doesn’t have to smell these “peons.” He lets out an audible groan of disgust when he realizes that he had sat in gum. “I won’t be able to get this smell out of my clothes! I’ll have to burn ‘em!” Dibiase hopes he finds a suitable chauffeur soon, he can’t keep this up!
Promo Video: A glitzy, well-edited montage of DPW action showcasing the big feuds leading into our show this evening and featuring
MJF & Effy, Tag Team Champions Nugenix Express, Boys Champion Ted Dibiase, and DPW Champion Big Daddy Drew, bouncing his pecs as the
BEEFAMANIA logo seemingly explodes from his massive, beefy chest.
Dynamo Powerhouse Wrestling presents:
BEEFAMANIA
Promo Package: “Countdown” promo package detailing the feud between
All Ego Ethan Page, The United Empire’s TJP, a stolen debit card, and an elusive
N64 cart.
Pre-Match: TJP makes his way to the ring. He’s carrying with him the rest of the contents of
Ethan Page’s locker, scores of
Mortal Kombat figures that he recently acquired, and handing them out to fans at ringside. TJP should be spending less time messing with Ethan Page and more time paying attention to his duties for
United Empire and
Kingpin Cobb, especially when he was tasked with minding “the dog,” aka
Will Ospreay.
All Ego Ethan Page makes his way to the ring, focussed on getting his revenge on TJP for screwing with him for the past month and he’s ready to get this opening contest underway.
All Ego Ethan Page (3-3)
vs.
The United Empire’s
TJP (1-3)
TJP puts up a good fight against All Ego Ethan Page, but Ethan Page was just too p*ssed off for this to end any other way. TJP makes a hell of a comeback though and is even able to apply his FIGURE FOUR DEATHLOCK on Page, but All Ego powers out of it. Page comes back and drops TJP in the devastating EGO’S EDGE and TJP is out like a light.
Result: All Ego Ethan Page d. TJP by pinfall following EGO’S EDGE
Post-Match: All Ego Ethan Page has shut that little “pipsqueak” up and hopefully
TJP gives it a rest, though he’ll probably have his hands full explaining himself to his
Kingpin as to why he has been neglecting his duties to go toy hunting and play with video games. All Ego reaches down into TJP’s trunks and fishes out… his
debit card! Has he realized that TJP went through Page’s locker earlier and made off with his
Mortal Kombat figures? TJP may be due for another spanking later on, this time from Kingpin
Cobb for neglecting his duties while on dog watch.
Backstage Interview: The camera cuts to the
DPW Interview Set where
DPW Commissioner Rowdy Roddy Piper is standing with the newly hired interviewer for DPW,
Mean Gene Okerlund. Piper turns to Okerlund and smiles. "Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to introduce the newest member of the DPW family, the one and only Mean Gene Okerlund! Welcome aboard, Gene!” "Thank you, Rowdy Roddy," Okerlund replies, smiling. "I am thrilled to be here, and what a night to debut,
BEEFAMANIA!" "That's right, Gene," Piper says. "Tonight is the biggest night in DPW history, and we've got some incredible matches lined up. The main event, of course, is the
steel cage match for the
DPW World Heavyweight Championship between
Big Daddy Drew and
Guru Dallas Page." Okerlund nods. "Yes, that is going to be a match for the ages, Roddy. What are your thoughts on that?" Piper leans in and speaks in a low, serious tone. "Gene, let me tell you something. That steel cage match is going to be a war. These two men have a lot of history, and they both want that championship belt more than anything in the world. But there can only be one winner, and I can't wait to see who comes out on top." Okerlund nods again, then turns to the camera. "There you have it, folks, straight from the Commissioner himself.
BEEFAMANIA is going to be one for the ages, and I can't wait to bring you all the action." Piper and Okerlund shake hands.
Locker Room Segment: Danhausen approaches
All Ego Ethan Page back in the locker room, “Ah, yes,
Egon, I have a present for you.” “For me?” Page is even more concerned. “Yes, check this out!” Danhausen presents All Ego with the
Goro figure that he had purchased from
TJP. “For me? Well, thank you, buddy, but I actually already have one of those.” As Ethan Page opens his empty locker to discover it has been pilfered Danhausen explains, “I know. This is yours. I bought it off of TJP earlier.” “Oh no, you actually gave him money for it?” Danhausen grins, “Don’t worry, nobody accepts monies with Danhausen’s face on it anymore. This country is going to hell.” Ethan Page is relieved, “Well, I appreciate it, Danhausen.” Danhausen perks up when he remembers, “And one more thing!” Danhausen pulls a mint copy of
WWF No Mercy for
Nintendo 64 out from behind his cape. “NO WAY!” Ethan Page can’t believe it! Finally! “Thanks, Danhausen, that was Very Nice of you.” Danhausen looks serious all of a sudden, “And now I will have to get Very Evil and prepare for my match with
The Kinkdom.” Page, giddy about finally getting his hands on that N64 cart, wishes Danhausen good luck.
Promo Package: “Countdown” promo package running down the long history between
Boys Champion Ted Dibiase and his former chauffeur and new DPW superstar
Lio Rush.
Pre-Match: Lio Rush comes out to the ring.
“I Came to Collect.” Will Lio Rush collect tonight? He’s had every opportunity to upset his former boss and take home that belt that he’s had his eyes on for so long now, the
DPW Boys Championship title belt. Lio Rush tricked
Dibiase into awarding him this opportunity tonight, can Lio Rush make the most of it? “
HAHAHAHAHA!”
Boys Champion Ted Dibiase comes out to the ring. He still can’t get the stink of public transportation off him, and believe me, he tried. Several showers later and Dibiase is convinced the “poverty is in the pores” now and he’ll have to go on a Caribbean vacation for a couple weeks to get the stench off him. It’s go time for Lio Rush, can he finally take the
Boys Gold?
DPW BOYS TITLE
DPW Boys Champion
Million Bitcoin Man Ted Dibiase (6-3)
vs.
Lio Rush (4-4)
It’s just not in the stars for Lio Rush to make a good showing against Dibiase at this point in his career. Lio Rush gives it his all, but it doesn’t take long for the Boys Champion to do what he does best, trapping his prey in his nearly inescapable hold and choking the life out of him, giving him MILLION BITCOIN DREAMS.
Result: Ted Dibiase d. Lio Rush by submission with MILLION BITCOIN DREAM to retain the DPW Boys Title
Post-Match: “Is that enough, boy? Is that enough,
Lio the Loser? You sure you don’t want to come back to work for me?”
Dibiase teases his fallen opponent, “Actually, I wouldn’t even re-hire your Loser ass!
HAHAHAHAHA!” Dibiase towers over his former employee as he holds his championship belts up high.
Lio Rush may need to train a little harder and maybe his next opportunity at DPW gold will have more success. Dibiase needs to be brought down a rung or two, who will be next to step up to the plate and try to take down the champ? We’ll be waiting with baited breath.
Absolutely.
Backstage Interview: Mean Gene Okerlund is backstage at the
DPW Interview Set with
Maxwell Jacob Friedman, MJF. “Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here with MJF ahead of his highly-anticipated match against
Effy tonight here at
BEEFAMANIA. MJF, can you tell us what's going through your mind as you prepare to face your former tag team partner in a
no holds barred death match?” MJF begins, “What's going through my mind, Mean Gene? Just how much I'm going to enjoy ending this pathetic excuse for a wrestler once and for all. Effy thought he could play with my emotions, come between me and championship gold, but he was dead wrong. And now, he's going to pay for it. He's going to pay with his life.” Mean Gene Okerlund bristles at the rhetoric, “Strong words, MJF. But you and Effy were once a successful duo. What happened between you two?” MJF incredulously responds, “What happened? What happened is that Effy is a weak, pathetic excuse for a man. He took advantage of my kindness, my willingness to give him a chance. But he couldn't handle the success we had together. He got jealous, paranoid, and he ultimately destroyed everything we worked for. And now, he's going to pay the ultimate price.” Gene retorts, “Max, have you ever worked in a
movie theater? You’d make a hell of a
projectionist,” and continues, “You're known for being a ruthless competitor in the ring, MJF. But some might say your actions towards Effy have gone too far. What do you say to those critics?” MJF laughs off the question “Critics? What critics? I don't care about what anyone thinks of me. I don't care about being liked or respected. I care about winning. I care about destroying anyone who dares to stand in my way. Effy made the mistake of crossing me, and now he's going to pay for it. End of story.” Mean Gene Okerlund throws back to the ring, “Well, there you have it folks. MJF is ready to face Effy in a no holds barred death match, and he's confident that he will emerge victorious. Back to you.”
Promo Package: “Countdown” promo package recounting the twisted history of
Kevin Sullivan and his new wife
Maria Kanellis-Sullivan and her ex-husband
Mike Bennett, collectively known as
The Kuckdom, and poor, dejected, downtrodden
Danhausen.
Pre-Match: The Kuckdom make their way out to the stage and down the aisle together, what a foursome:
Kevin Sullivan, Maria Kanellis-Sullivan, Matt Taven, and
Danhausen’s former friend and Maria’s former husband
Mike Bennett. Bennett did a
360, brother, and turned on Danhausen a month ago and Danhausen hasn’t been the same since. It’s a numbers game, and Danhausen hasn’t stood a chance against the might of The Kuckdom.
“The Danhausen Show” brings our beloved Danhausen out to the stage. He’s got a shiny, new Jar of Teeth in hand and he’s ready to do whatever it takes to take out Mike Bennett tonight.
Danhausen (9-8)
vs.
Mike Bennett (3-2)
w/ The Kuckdom
The action goes fast and furious between these two athletes. Bennett resorts to dirty tricks and Danhausen has to constantly keep his eye out for “The Kinkdom” at ringside. Danhausen is able to hit Mike Bennett with his DEVOTION DDT-HAUSEN but Maria grabs the ref and starts giving him a kiss (while Bennett watches). While this is happening, “Prince of Darkness” Kevin Sullivan has creeped into the ring and approaches Danhausen. As Danhausen turns around Kevin Sullivan, by whatever means he does so, releases a billowing fireball that erupts into the air. Sullivan begins cackling, proud of the devastation he inevitably caused when he realizes that his flame missed the mark. Danhausen has been pulled to safety by All Ego Ethan Page! Ethan Page and Brody King have arrived to back up Danhausen and now it’s a fair fight! The referee expels Maria for the non consensual smooch, and Brody King and Ethan Page chase Kevin Sullivan and Matt Taven to the back. It’s one-on-one. Danhausen makes a comeback but Mike Bennett is able to hook in his GO BACK TO JAPAN, which Bennett has renamed THE CUCK-HOLD, and Danhausen ultimately has to tap.
Result: Mike Bennett d. Danhausen by submission with the CUCK-HOLD
Post-Match: Mike Bennett is victorious but he doesn’t have
The Kuckdom around to beat up and bully his fallen opponent.
All Ego Ethan Page and
Brody King return to the ring and chase Mike Bennett out of the ring. Ethan Page helps
Danhausen to his feet and Brody King holds the ropes open for him as they leave the ring. Danhausen stops Ethan Page on the stage of the
DPW FlexZone to give him a hug before they return to the locker room together. Finally, Danhausen has real
friends.
Backstage Interview: Mean Gene Okerlund is at the
DPW Interview Set with a nervous looking
Effy. “Effy, it's great to have you here tonight at
BEEFAMANIA. How are you feeling going into your match with
MJF?” Effy starts, “Mean Gene, I'm feeling a mix of emotions right now. On one hand, I'm ready to get in that ring and show MJF what I'm made of. On the other hand, I'm a little bit scared. I know MJF is a dangerous competitor, and he's been on a rampage lately.” Mean Gene Okerlund inquires, “It's certainly been a wild ride between you and MJF over the past few months. Can you tell us a little bit about your history with him?” Effy says, “It's been a rollercoaster, to say the least. When we first teamed up as
MJEffy, I thought we were really onto something special. We won the
DPW tag team championships, and I felt like we had a real connection. But then MJF started getting paranoid and jealous. He thought everyone was out to take away what he loved the most, and that apparently included me.” Mean Gene Okerlund follows up, “MJF has certainly been making some disturbing statements lately, threatening to end your life in this
no holds barred death match. How do you respond to that kind of rhetoric?” Effy replies, “It's scary, no doubt about it. But I'm not going to let his threats get to me. I know what I'm capable of in that ring, and I'm not going to back down. MJF may be a skilled wrestler, but I have heart, and I'm not afraid to fight for what I believe in.” Mean Gene Okerlund finishes with, “Well, there you have it, folks. Effy is ready to face MJF in this no holds barred death match. We'll see how it all plays out next at
BEEFAMANIA. Back to ringside.”
Promo Package: “Countdown” promo package showing the emotional rise and fall of the former DPW Tag Team Champions MJEffy.
Pre-Match: A huge pop from the crowd as
“Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” comes over the PA system. It’s been a long time since
Effy entered to something other than
MJF’s remixed metal theme as used by
MJEffy. Effy, usually smiling and flamboyant, is more subdued this evening, not looking forward to the massive challenge ahead. Effy steps through the ropes and waits for his opponent. The crowd chanting
“Effy! Effy! Effy!” MJF’s theme hits and the mood changes. MJF enters through the curtain and is greeted with a chorus of boos. It’s sometimes hard to pick sides, but MJF has let his emotions get way out of control, could this still be side effects of the
love spell cast on his now-broken
Diamond Ring? Both men are determined to win, MJF is determined to destroy. Who will come out on top?
NO HOLDS BARRED DEATH MATCH
MJF (11-14)
vs.
Effy (8-6)
Neither men hold anything back in this brutal, bloody affair. It doesn’t take long for the action to spill outside the ring and these men go to town on each other. MJF whips Effy into the guardrails but Effy reverses it, sending MJF’s spine into the unforgiving steel. MJF grabs a nearby steel chair and blasts Effy right in the skull, it sounded like a gun went off! MJF drags Effy over to the arena steps and delivers a HEATSEEKER piledriver onto the bare concrete. Effy is busted open, blood beginning to trickle down his cheeks. The action returns briefly to the ring but then MJF goes under the ring to retrieve a bag of thumbtacks. He theatrically unties the bag slowly and then begins to dump its contents onto the canvas. Effy tries to deliver a bodyslam on MJF but MJF reverses it and catches Effy in another HEATSEEKER piledriver but this time onto the thumbtacks. Ouch. MJF sacrificed a bit for that one as he had to land with his butt on the thumbtacks, but maybe that’s not the first time he’s had a tiny prick in his– MJF tries to lock in the SALT OF THE EARTH arm bar but Effy gets free. MJF leaves the ring one more time to grab a length of barbed wire that he brings back to the ring with him. What does he plan to do? MJF and Effy begin trading blows, the barbed wire wrapped around MJF’s fist is tearing at their flesh, both of them. Both men are clearly emotional, the mat literally being stained with blood, sweat, and tears. Effy gets MJF in his DRAG QUEEN SLEEPER in the middle of the ring. It looks like it’s all over for MJF. Is this it? Effy shouts through his tears, “I’m sorry, Max.” Is he going to tap? WHACK! Where did MJF get that steel pipe from? In a move of desperation, MJF grabbed a steel pipe and whacked Effy right between the legs with the deadly weapon! This will surely turn the tides, but wait, Effy isn’t reacting. He reaches into his pants and pulls out an athletic cup! He came prepared! MJF can’t believe that he’s been outsmarted! Effy grabs the length of barbed wire and wraps it around MJF’s head and neck and cinches in his DRAG QUEEN SLEEPER once more! As Effy squeezes tighter, the points of the barbed wire dig deeper into both him and his ex-partner. Both men are ready for this to be over with as a pool of blood forms beneath them. MJF refuses to tap out and whether from exhaustion, dehydration, blood-loss, or a combination of all three, MJF passes out and both men collapse onto the mat.
Result: Effy d. MJF by KO with DRAG QUEEN SLEEPER using barbed wire
Post-Match: Effy is announced as the winner but clearly there is no winner in this situation. Both men are a bruised and bloody mess. All their emotions were left in that ring tonight as well as up and down these arena aisles. Medical personnel are attending to both men who will likely need more than just stitches following this brutal brawl. The crowd is on their feet applauding the spectacle they were just witness to. Both of these men put on an amazing performance this evening and both have a bright future here in
Dynamo Powerhouse Wrestling. Is this over between
MJEffy? Will Effy get to share a hospital room with
Allie Katch? We’re going to take a quick intermission while we sweep up thumbtacks, change the ring canvas, and find a big enough spatula to scrape MJF and Effy off the ring mat.
INTERMISSION
Promo Package: “Countdown” promo package profiling the
DPW Tag Team Champions and the rising threat of
United Empire and
Aussie Open’s threat to the tag team titles.
Pre-Match: AUSSIE! AUSSIE! AUSSIE! Aussie Open make their way out to the ring for their first shot at the
DPW tag team titles.
Mark Davis & Kyle Fletcher are repping
United Empire and are ready to solidify their dominance in Dynamo Powerhouse Wrestling.
Jim Cornette comes out to the stage followed by his boys,
DPW Tag Team Champions Nugenix Express. Boner Bob & Cocky Khosrow The Iron Sheik are ready for their first defense of the gold. Corny’s pockets are rattling as he bounds to the ring, surely he’s got plenty of
Nugenix Total-T on tap. Bob & Sheiky are licking their lips, Corny must be strategically dispensing their
dick pills today for maximum efficiency. Can United Empire put the DPW in a stranglehold?
DPW TAG TEAM TITLES
Tag Team Champions
Nugenix Express (7-2)
[Boner Bob & Cocky Khosrow]
w/ Jim Cornette
vs.
The United Empire’s
Aussie Open (3-1)
[Mark Davis & Kyle Fletcher]
Nugenix Express do tonight what they do best, and that’s wrestle. They single out Mark Davis and wear him down, not letting him get the fresh man in. Sheiky gets his CAMEL CLUTCH on Davis but Fletcher makes the save. Sheiky tags out and Corny begins feeding him dick pills. Jim waits until the ref turns his back and literally dumps an entire bottle into Sheik’s mouth. Backlund hooks in his CROSSWING CHICKEN FACE but Fletcher again makes the save. When Sheiky returns to the ring he is throbbing and ready to go! Sheiky hits a big sidewinder suplex on the Aussie and then hooks in his ENHANCED CAMEL CLUTCH and with his gargantuan engorged member pressing into Davis’ spinal column Davis is barely able to tap before he loses feeling in his extremities.
Result: Nugenix Express d. Aussie Open when Sheiky submits Mark Davis with the ENHANCED CAMEL CLUTCH to retain the DPW Tag Team Titles
Post-Match: Corny snatches the belts from the timekeeper’s table and brings them their prize for being good boys.
Jim Cornette is taunting
Fletcher & Davis as they collect themselves at ringside. Kyle Fletcher has to help Mark Davis walk as he’s still experiencing numbness in his arms and legs. Corny again tells his boys to cover up their
manhood with their
DPW Tag Team Title belts as they march back up the aisle as the reigning champs. Who has the fortitude to take on this dynamic duo next?
Backstage Interview: Gene Okerlund is backstage at the
DPW Interview Set with
Guru Dallas Page. Gene begins, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am standing here with Guru Dallas Page, the challenger for the
DPW World Heavyweight Championship, who will be facing
Big Daddy Drew McIntyre in a steel cage match tonight at
BEEFAMANIA. Guru Dallas Page, you seem to have a newfound sense of spirituality, can you tell us more about it?” Guru Dallas Page’s eyes light up, “Oh yes, Gene. I have traveled to the depths of my being and found a connection to the universe that I never knew existed. The cosmos has shown me the path to true enlightenment, and it is through the
DPW World Heavyweight Championship that I will achieve it.” Gene Okerlund seems suspicious of Page’s claims, “It sounds like you're more focused on your spiritual journey than your wrestling career. Do you think that's a wise decision when you're about to face off against Big Daddy Drew in one of the most dangerous matches in wrestling?” Guru Dallas Page responds confidently, “Oh no, Gene. My spiritual journey and my wrestling career go hand in hand. By defeating Big Daddy Drew and becoming the
DPW Champion, I will spread the message of spiritual enlightenment to the masses. The steel cage is just a physical manifestation of the challenges I face on my journey, and I am ready to conquer them all.” Gene Okerlund says, “You seem confident, but Big Daddy Drew has proven himself to be a formidable opponent. How do you plan on defeating him in the steel cage?” Guru Dallas Page replies, “Ah, Gene. Big Daddy Drew may have physical strength, but I have spiritual strength. I will use the power of the universe to overcome any obstacle in my path, and I will emerge from that cage as the DPW World Heavyweight Champion.” Gene Okerlund finishes, “Well, there you have it, folks. Guru Dallas Page is ready to take on Big Daddy Drew in a steel cage match in tonight’s main event at
BEEFAMANIA. Back to you at ringside.”
Promo Package: “Countdown” promo package showing Kingpin Cobb hospitalizing Bryan Danielson, Danielson’s recovery, and the events leading up to this showdown.
Pre-Match: YES! YES! YES! Bryan Danielson makes his way out to the stage and down the aisle. He looks in good shape, but does he feel 100%? He may not have been quite ready to return to the ring last week on
Power Hour and hopefully his match with
Rohit Raju didn’t worsen his condition.
The United Empire’s Kingpin Jeff Cobb makes his way to the ring next accompanied by his
Right Hand Man Rohit Raju.
The American Dragon
Bryan Danielson (11-10)
vs.
The United Empire’s
Kingpin Jeff Cobb (3-6)
Bryan Danielson and Jeff Cobb have another absolute banger. Cobb takes charge for most of the matchup, Danielson must still be feeling the effects of his previous beatdown. Danielson’s agility is an excellent counter to Cobb’s sheer power though. Danielson almost puts Cobb away with his MMA BLOWS but Cobb stays alive. Danielson whips Kingpin Cobb into the turnbuckle and plants himself on the opposite side of the ring. As if summoning power from the fans at ringside shouting “YES! YES! YES!” The American Dragon charges at his opponent and delivers a hellacious BUSAIKU KNEE knocking Cobb silly and he plummets to the outside. Cobb is struggling to his feet, he looks woozy, he’s grasping at the ring apron, grasping at the guardrail and suddenly a cloud of smoke begins to form on the stage, it’s pouring out from behind the curtains. The Terminator 2 Theme Song plays. That can mean only one thing. The crowd is going nuts. The smoke is so thick you can no longer see the stage or the FlexTron and suddenly from the cloud comes a Terminator on a motorcycle! Actually, it’s Kenny 2.0mega on a Mo-Ped, and he’s got Will Ospreay riding behind him. Jeff Cobb struggles to his feet and the chase is on. Omega & Ospreay blast right through Rohit Raju and make a beeline for the Kingpin. Cobb is chased around the ring and back up the aisle. The Mo-Ped stops at the bottom of the rampway and the former kingpin Will Ospreay points at Cobb and Omega hits the gas. As Kenny 2.0mega and Will Ospreay chase Kingpin Cobb up into the cloud of smoke the referee concludes his 10-count and calls for the bell.
Result: Bryan Danielson d. Jeff Cobb by countout when Cobb is unable to return to the ring following a BUSAIKU KNEE in the corner
Post-Match: It might not be the way he expected, but
Bryan Danielson is satisfied with his victory tonight.
Kingpin Cobb is no longer on a fast track to the
DPW Title and the
United Empire’s efforts have been slowed, especially now that Cobb and his cronies have a “dog” to deal with in the form of their former leader, the formerly-imprisoned
Will Ospreay. Has an alliance formed between
Omega and Ospreay? Does Ospreay believe Omega when Omega claims to have been
roboticized in the future and come back to the past? Does anyone?
Backstage Interview: Mean Gene Okerlund is backstage at the
DPW Interview Set beside
DPW Champion Big Daddy Drew. “Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here with the reigning
DPW World Heavyweight Champion, Big Daddy Drew McIntyre. Drew, tonight you face
Guru Dallas Page inside a steel cage for the
DPW Title. What's going through your mind right now?” Big Daddy Drew begins, “Mean Gene, I've been waiting for this moment for a long time. Dallas Page and his
D-Meditation-Y cult have been trying to take me down ever since I won this title. They've attacked me with their crystals and toys, they've played mind games with me, and they've even tried to handicap me. But none of that has worked. And tonight, inside that steel cage, there will be no interference, no disqualifications, and no escape. It's just me and Dallas Page, one on one, fighting for the DPW Title.” Mean Gene Okerlund says, “Speaking of Dallas Page, he's been acting a bit...strange lately, claiming to be some sort of guru and receiving messages from
"the cosmos." What do you make of that?” Big Daddy Drew rolls his eyes, “Look, Mean Gene, I don't care if Dallas Page thinks he's the
Dalai Lama or the
Tooth Fairy. All I care about is beating him inside that cage and proving once and for all that I'm the real DPW Champion. I don't need any spiritual equalizers or cosmic messages to win. I just need my fists.” Gene follows up, “Fair enough, Drew. But let's talk about the cage itself. It's a brutal match, with no escape and no rules. How do you prepare for something like that?” Big Daddy Drew McIntyre smiles, “Mean Gene, I've been in my fair share of cage matches before. I know what it takes to win. You have to be tough, you have to be smart, and you have to be ruthless. And that's exactly what I am. Dallas Page may think he's enlightened, but he's about to find out what it's like to face a
Scottish warrior. Inside that cage, there's no place to hide. And when the dust settles, I'll be the one standing tall, with this DPW Title held high.” Mean Gene Okerlund concludes, “Strong words, Drew. Do you have any final message for Dallas Page and his D-Meditation-Y followers?” “Yeah, I do. Dallas Page, you wanted this match. You wanted to prove that you're a better wrestler than me, that you're more spiritually advanced than me, that you're the chosen one of "the cosmos." Well, tonight, you get your chance. But let me tell you something, Dallas: you're not ready for what's coming. You're not ready for the pain, the suffering, the agony that I'm going to put you through. You're not ready for the fury of Big Daddy Drew. So get ready to feel the steel, Dallas. Get ready to face the wrath of the DPW Champion. Because tonight, in that steel cage, there will be
no mercy.” Mene Gene sends it back down to ringside for our penultimate match of the evening.
Promo Package: “Countdown” promo package chronicling the rise of
Warhorse, the fall of
Macho Man, and their feud over who is the
“Snack Stick Master.”
Pre-Match: Warhorse makes his entrance first.
Official Slim Jim banners unravel from the rafters and yellow and red confetti burst from the turnbuckles as fans festoon the ring with
Slim Jim Snack Sticks. Warhorse stands atop the turnbuckle and headbags as meat sticks ricochet off his skull.
Macho Man Randy Savage makes his way out to the stage next. He’s looking around angrily at all of the official Slim Jim decorations and violently rips a giant banner down off of the stage by the
FlexTron. Fans are pelting Macho with beef sticks as he makes his way down the ring, grumpily kicking away piles of red and yellow confetti as the ring crew is trying to sweep up before the match begins. Macho points threateningly at Warhorse. Macho isn’t in his prime any more, but the more he loses his mind, the more unpredictable he becomes. Can Warhorse upset the legend?
Warhorse (12-4)
vs.
Macho Man Randy Savage (18-6)
Randy Savage gives Warhorse a run for his money tonight. Warhorse is barely able to get any offense in as Macho Man clubs him with forearms and precision knee drops. Warhorse tries to rally but Macho Man steamrolls over him. Macho hits one FLYING ELBOW DROP and follows it up with one more for good measure before casually covering the Slim Jim spokesman in the middle of the ring.
Result: Randy Savage d. Warhorse by pinfall following FLYING ELBOW DROP
Post-Match: “I’m the meat man!” Not a good showing for
Warhorse, hopefully
Slim Jim isn’t regretting their decision to name him as their official spokesperson.
Macho can be heard shouting at Warhorse, “I heard Slim Jim is going to update their colors now from red and yellow… to black and blue!” The intensity is overflowing from the former champ. Macho Man Randy Savage has gotten some retribution after suffering that loss to Kenny
2.0mega last month at
GET HARD but where does he go from here?
“I’m the beefy boy!”
Backstage Segment: Jim Cornette is back in the locker room with the reigning
DPW Tag Team Champions Nugenix Express. The champs are sitting on a locker room bench when
Corny comes up behind them with a large Gatorade jug but when he dumps it over their heads they are now covered in an avalanche of
dick pills.
Nugenix Total-T as far as the eye can see! The boys are gobbling up dick pills by the fistful and Corny is counting the cash in his wallet when there is a knock at the door, it’s
The Black Lads. “Congratulations, boys,”
Jay Lethal says with a smirk. “What the hell do you idiots want? Can’t you see we’re celebratin’ here?”
Swerve answers, “Well, since we already beat you two weeks ago on Power Hour and we took out
PME earlier tonight, it looks like we’re next in line for those–” Swerve gestures towards their
DPW Tag Team Title belts.
Backlund says, “Says who?” Jay Lethal replies, “Well, we just spoke to
Commissioner Piper and it’s official, we’re the
#1 contenders for the tag team titles.”
Sheiky explodes, “
F*CK THE BLACK LADS!!!” Swerve reacts,
“That’s racist!” Corny tries to calm Sheiky down but Bob Backlund swings at Jay Lethal and
a wild brawl erupts in the DPW locker room pushing the cameraman out into the back hallways of the
DPW FlexZone.
Promo Package: “Countdown” promo package showing the transformation of
Diamond Dallas Page into the enlightened being
His Holiness Guru Dallas Page as well as the transformation of
Drew Galloway into
DPW World Heavyweight Champion Big Daddy Drew.
Pre-Match: D-Meditation-Y enter the stage.
Guru Dallas Page is wearing an elaborate, ornate ceremonial headdress and cloak. He poses on the stage as
Brother Matt Sydal and Sister Leyla Hirsch bow down to him and then upon his command they rise and remove his ceremonial garb. Page’s cult members return to the locker room as
His Holiness Guru Dallas Page makes his way down the aisle and he steps into the ring.
“Who’s your daddy? Drew’s Your Daddy!” chants emanate from every corner of the
DPW FlexZone as
DPW Champion Big Daddy Drew makes his way to the stage. The crowd goes wild as Drew flexes his pectoral muscles as the laser lights in the
FlexZone reflect off his glistening chest above his shiny, golden championship belt. Drew steps through the ropes and hands his title belt to the referee as the steel cage begins to lower from above. In mere moments, these two fierce competitors will be locked inside the unforgiving structure and only one man will emerge as the
undisputed DPW Champion.
STEEL CAGE MATCH
DPW TITLE
World Heavyweight Champion
Big Daddy Drew (12-8)
vs.
D-Meditation-Y’s
Guru Dallas Page (11-10)
Big Daddy Drew should have no problem disposing of his challenger considering the cage will keep out any unwanted interference, but Dallas Page may still have a few tricks up his sleeve. Drew uses his manly brute strength to toss Dallas Page about the ring, smashing him up against the chainlink barrier. Dallas Page ducks a CLAYMORE KICK and Drew goes flying into the cage wall. He may have done some serious damage to his knee. Drew comes back and continues to dominate Dallas Page but Page always seems one step ahead, not fearing to rake Drew’s face or poke his eyes, after all there are no disqualifications. This is the type of match GDP must have wanted with Drew from the very beginning. Drew clobbers Page with a forearm and Page conspicuously drapes himself over the corner turnbuckle. Drew comes up behind Page and Page suddenly bends his knee sending the heel of his boot right into the yam bag of the DPW champ. Drew stumbles back a few steps to compose himself. Drew charges at Page who is still in the corner when Page sidesteps him and Big Daddy Drew’s face goes crashing directly into the exposed turnbuckle! That’s what Page was doing in the corner, untying the turnbuckle cover! Page grabs Drew by the trunks and rolls him into a schoolboy, 1-2-3!
Result: Guru Dallas Page d. Big Daddy Drew by pinfall in a STEEL CAGE MATCH when he rolled him up after smashing Drew’s face into the exposed turnbuckle to win the DPW World Heavyweight Championship
Post-Match: Despite the absence of his cult members,
Guru Dallas Page found plenty of ways to bend the rules to his advantage and he now has the trophy to prove it. The cage begins to rise back into the rafters of the
DPW FlexZone while fans are throwing trash into the ring, the mat now covered in debris.
Booooo! The fans are not pleased by this outcome. The referee hands Page the belt and he holds it up high as the
new DPW World Heavyweight Champion! Speaking of his cult members,
Brother Sydal and Sister Hirsch have come down to the ring and they pass by a barely conscious now-former champion
Big Daddy Drew as medical personnel and other DPW officials usher the
Scottish Warrior back to the doctors’ offices.
Guru Dallas Page is standing in the ring facing Sydal & Hirsch, holding up his newly won championship belt. Upon his command, they fall to their knees and bow to their
Leader, their
Champion, their
Guru,
His Holiness, Guru Dallas Page, DPW Champion!
Join us next month on pay-per-view for:
Dynamo Powerhouse Wrestling presents:
HORSEPOWER
DPW TITLE
Guru Dallas Page(c) vs. Warhorse
TAG TEAM TITLES
Nugenix Express(c) vs. The Black Lads
DPW #54 - “Road to BEEFAMANIA” Power Hour
DPW #55 - BEEFAMANIA on PPV
DPW #56 - Power Hour
DPW #57 - Power Hour
DPW #58 - “Road to HORSEPOWER” Power Hour